separating the members from the music (heard a7x is anti-gay)

it's been a night full of dizzyingly discouraging feelings for me, tonight.

it started with seeing the comments on ESPN.com on their story of NHL player's Jason Collin's coming out today. the mods are deleting a lot of the negative comments (which i'm not even so sure i'm happy about), but before they go through them all, i'd say about 80% of the comments are full of disgust towards gay people.

then i ended up, for some reason, doing a google search, "a7x anti-gay". turns out the members of avenged sevenfold have done things like using the word "faggot" to curse out a guy, and have done an interview full of anti-gay comments.


i'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this.



i love all of a7x's tracks [except critical acclaim, but that's a topic for a different thread]. i had fallen deeply in love with a7x's music about half a decade ago. their stuff seems to understand some of the deeper parts of my Self when no other band's music does.

i can't imagine being able to separate the members from the music, now. part of my feeling swept up and carried to a different place and re-energized and made to feel better, when i listen to their music, is a kind of "admiration" i feel. this admiration from the timbre and voice of the vocalist, admiration to what i feel is original and expressive song structure, admiration for how they lyrics speak to me.

i right now feel like someone i really look up to and admire, a hero, is outright rejecting me because of my sexual orientation. it's dizzying and it hurts. it's like the feeling of someone deeply important to you in your life, has now cut you off, and the security of knowing you have a /friend/ as you go through in life, has been lost.



man, i kind of wish i didn't fucking make that internet search in the first place, now... .

i don't know how others might be able to separate the music they love so deeply, from the people who make that music.. .

Right, let me start of by saying, I didn't know they were anti-gay. I don't know the facts of this, or even of they are complete homophobes.
The point is, I completely understand you, and how you feel right now. When the people you look up to are the ones who disappoint you.
There's actually nothing you can do about it. When that happened to me I started listening to new bands and I ended up finding A7X, in fact. Thats off topic, What I'm trying to say here, is, once you've made an attachment to the band via their music, there's no going back, you can't forget that admiration you had.
You have two choices here, #1 to find that love and admiration in another band. #2 understand that although they don't support the things you do, they still make amazing music and are honest people.
I am in no way attempting to discourage you from listening to A7X, in my first point.
If you still love their music then, for that moment, listen to it and forget the disappointment you feel from thinking they're anti-gay.
I know A7X can take my mind off anything.

Casualty Rerun, did you have a band who you admired, but then found out some things about the members that made you feel hurt or disappointed?

silph wrote:Casualty Rerun, did you have a band who you admired, but then found out some things about the members that made you feel hurt or disappointed?

Yes. Sadly, the quality of their music also went bad around the time of the incident, so I don't listen to them anymore. Luckily, A7X still make amazing music,

==
#2 understand that although they don't support the things you do, they still make amazing music and are honest people.
[....]
If you still love their music then, for that moment, listen to it and forget the disappointment you feel from thinking they're anti-gay.
I know A7X can take my m
===

it's hard because it seems that
in loving a band for their music, i end up not just loving the band for the music alone. in loving their music, i almost feel like i'm part of a family, a brotherhood, or as if i have a friend who really, really understands me.

that's what i'm saying: i'm finding it hard to separate their music from them, themselves.

silph wrote:==
#2 understand that although they don't support the things you do, they still make amazing music and are honest people.
[....]
If you still love their music then, for that moment, listen to it and forget the disappointment you feel from thinking they're anti-gay.
I know A7X can take my m
===

it's hard because it seems that
in loving a band for their music, i end up not just loving the band for the music alone. in loving their music, i almost feel like i'm part of a family, a brotherhood, or as if i have a friend who really, really understands me.

that's what i'm saying: i'm finding it hard to separate their music from them, themselves.

I'm sorry about that. I'm afraid this is the best advice I could have given, hopefully you'll find a way to get over this, and maybe even find new artists to listen to who's personal lives agree with your emotions.
Again, I feel very sympathetic right now, and I hope things work out for you .

well, i appreciate you even giving a reply; thanks.

silph wrote:well, i appreciate you even giving a reply; thanks.

You're welcome, I hope I could help, mate.

Well I don't know excatly what's been said by the guys about the topic. I didn't manage to find that "interview full of anti-gay comments" you mentionned in the first message (don't know if you did, in that case please share it with us ), so I can't affirm the fact that they are anti-gay. Really hope they aren't but even if it's true, I know it won't prevent me from listening to their music!
Anyway, the only thing I could find is this interview with M Shadows (Kerrang!, 2006) where he quickly explains what he said in a previous interview (the one you talked about, I assume).

"DO YOU FIND IT WEIRD THAT PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN YOUR OPINIONS ON POLITICAL ISSUES ?

I don't find it weird because I was the same and if I ever see an article on Metallica or Guns'n'Roses I'll read it right away. The different thing is I don't base my life on what they say and I think a lot of people do. When Phil (Anselmo) says something I disagree with or Axl says something I disagree with I kind of just laugh about it. I think a lot of kids read something and go, 'I fucking hate your band now, you disappointed me'. In one interview they asked about gays, I just answered their question and they branded me a homophobe. Really, I didn't say anything about hating gays - I just said certain things that I felt about gay marriages. It turned out I was a homophobe and I think people read too much into things. I don't think what I say is important. We're a metal band. We're not going to say the things that are politically correct, we're going to say what we really feel.

We live in a weird time right now where it's very bleeding heart liberal or it's very Republican hatemonger. For us, when you're in the metal world or punk rock world everything you say is really put under the microscope because a lot of the people that are really bleeding heart are in this type of music and into punk. And they see a band like us who's not really into that and there's a clash. Really, it's just a diference of opinion."

I really can't do much for you but I do hope it helped you a bit to sort things out in your head and that it's now a little bit clearer and less painful...

so it's been about two months, and i'm still no further in terms of emotionally dealing with this issue.

you know, i was at a free Billy Talent concert a couple of weeks ago, here in Toronto, (and it was quite a thrill! i enjoyed it a lot!),
` but my heart kept on breaking everytime i saw someone with an a7x tshirt or backpack etc.


i have been thinking of doing something that might help me, though.
i'm wondering if i could write about what the songs /used/ to mean to me? i know about a month and a half ago, i realized that sometimes i could "shift" momentarily into listening to an a7x "as if" (ie pretending) that it was half a year ago.

i have trouble writing about what songs meant to me, in my private journalling, but if i knew i was posting on a public forum, it would be easier.

could i try this out?

PS
Pride weekend celebrations are today and tomorrow for Toronto [i couldn't sleep this night, so i'm just waiting for the morning to come :-) ], and this is around the time of the year for Pride celebrations worldwide. to anyone celebrating, Happy Pride :-)

I think you are reading into things too much. I believe Matt said he didn't agree with gay marriage. And he is entitled to his opinion. But honestly, his opinion doesn't matter now that the Supreme Court has made it's rulings. To be honest, I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. It's a non issue. Matt isn't anti-gay. He doesn't agree with gay marriage, but in no way did he ever say that he's anti gay or hates homosexuals. If something this small hurts you this much, then I don't think it's the bands problem. You are allowing yourself to be hurt too easily. Sorry if I sound harsh but your complaints don't have much merit with me. They're a metal band. Not politicians, activists, doctors, or anyone whose opinion really matters. All in all, if they upset you that much, stop listening to them and find a better band who is fully supportive of the gay community. I wish you the best of luck with that. I suggest Rise Against.

By the way, I'm fully supportive of the gay community. And I don't think Rise Against are better than A7X. They are just more supportive. Again, I apologize if I come off harsh.

Anyone wanna go grab some Chik-Fil-A? I'm hungry.

Ghost wrote:Anyone wanna go grab some Chik-Fil-A?  I'm hungry.

 

Cruel, but hilarious!

anyways, @Silph. I don't think they're "anti-gay". I'm sure even within the band they differ in opinions. For example, zacky tweeted this in reference to the supreme court ruling the other week, "Just woke up to see great news for Cali, humanity and equality. Just a few things VU represents." I don't know if Matt ever said he was against gay marriage or not, even if he did though I don't think that automatically makes him "anti-gay". Some people don't accept it due to religious beliefs, or whatever. Again though, I've never heard Matt say that he was anti gay or even against gay marriage. I know Matt called one person a faggot at a show, but again sometimes things just slip or you don't think in the terms of what you're saying as being offensive towards others. I've said "fag" and "faggot" before (sorry if that sounds a little insensitive) but I'm not anti-gay. I'm sure most people have said the N word before as well (yea, probably not a great argument but I'm tired lol). Just because people say/ have said the N word doesn't automatically make them racist, although tell that to the people trashing Paula Deen haha!

Not sure if it means anything, but Matt sings to Elton John as part of warm-ups so make of that as you will  .

Even if they did at one time hold that view, peoples views can change overtime especially as they mature.

Hey, I just wanted to ask about a trustworthy link of this interview were they are supposed to use anti-gay and homophobic words, I have never seen or heard of this interview nor anything like that, I think it's bull s**t, and even if it isn't then I still don't think anyone in the band is homophobic nor anti-supportive of homosexual marriage until there's a very trustworthy interview of them confessing it or such. I watched a video of a concert there someone apparently were cursing at all kinds of bands whenever he/she liked the band or not, and M Shadow was call him a "faggot", and I mean that doesn't prove him of being anti-homosexuals at all in any way...It could've just slipped out or that is just something he's used to say but really doesn't mean it in any negetive way.

I mean I use the "N word" pretty often when I'm with 2 of my best friends, they're doing the same, we are like "you fucking n***er you backstabbed me at this game" or such, but we really never mean anything bad with it nor do we honestly use the word in a negetive way, so I think it's pure bull s**t about the band being something like anti-homosexual, they're matures, they're good-hearted funny and crazy, but of course they got their bad sides too, everyone has at least one bad side, but they're no homophobes nor are they racists! Anyways back to what I really came for, I really would like to get a link of this interview were they are supposed to use these words //Frozen Siox