Oceans Between Us (Jimmy/Jacoby)

I goddamn knew it! Bloody Brian! Told you I was keeping an eye on him and I was right! Grrrrr, Jimmy you idiot!

Welcome to one of the biggest minor plots I've ever written, lol! This just makes the entire story, as far as I'm concerned...next!

15

I slammed my phone onto the counter and grabbed my hair, letting out a roar. The cats were finally starting to come out of their shells, but now I’ve scared them. I can’t believe him! He fucking cheated on me and didn’t have the guts to tell me! If he’d have said something, I wouldn’t be so upset about it, but he had to hide it. I swear if there’s a child out of all of this, I’m really going to go postal on his ass.

I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I could think of. I checked my schedule and saw that I was back to a normal schedule. I got home a week ago from California, but had managed to get home in time to work a Thursday followed by a Saturday, Sunday, Monday which meant I had time off. I didn’t work again until next Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, so I got on the computer. In just a few seconds, I had the next flight out of Omaha, leaving at 11 tonight. I packed a hasty suitcase, called Eleanor and Hank to watch the house, and then I sat down to try to calm down the cats.

“I’m sorry guys,” I said, as they cautiously got onto my lap. “Daddy is having a hard time with his husband, and he has to go out of town for a few days. I’ll be back on Tuesday, though, and I promise that things will get better.”

I hugged them, looking at the clock. It was only noon, so I got them some food and treats, and then heated up some leftovers from the last couple of days. I can’t believe I’m going out there to confront him, but I am. I texted his mother to let her know I was coming and she responded that she’d meet me at the airport. Apparently, Jimmy hadn’t come inside yet, and she didn’t think he was going to for a while.

I just can’t get over this and now I wonder if Anthony knew something, you know? He mentioned it, but I dismissed it, because I can trust him. Mike says he doesn’t think they’ve done anything before or since that night, but neither said a word. I’m going to ring Jimmy's neck for this when I see him! I don’t know how I never found out before this, or why Mike called or how the hell he got my number, but I’m glad he did. He’s as pissed as I am, and neither of us know what to do.

My day seemed to drag by before Anthony and Annie were back to pick me up. I found as many things to distract myself as possible, but under the circumstances, it was impossible to make time move faster. I was sullen the entire way there, though I did ask Tony if he knew anything.

“I swear man, I didn’t know anything,” he said, raising his hands in the air. Annie hollered at him to put them back on the wheel and I almost laughed. “I just asked you about it because with all that’s going on, I wanted to make sure you’d thought of everything. But I swear he said nothing to me.”

“I trust you,” I said, though those words were getting me into trouble. I hoped I could still trust my best friend, though anymore I had doubts about everything anyone said about Jimmy. “I just don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m going out there now, but I have to be back on Tuesday, and I don’t know if I’ll accomplish anything in a week.”

“Good luck,” Annie said, as we pulled up in front of the airport. “We’ll be here when you get home, okay? Just don’t kill him.”

“I’ll try,” I said, and then walked away from them and into the airport to try to save my marriage.

***

I don’t think Jimmy knows I’m coming. As promised, his mother met me at the airport, drawing me into a hug immediately. I was never one to be emotional, but I couldn’t stop the breakdown as she held me. I have a feeling she knows what’s going on, and I hope she’ll be instrumental in helping us. Finally, I took a deep breath and we moved out of the airport and to her car. She put my suitcase in the back while I got in the front and tried to calm down.

“It’s going to work out, Coby,” she assured me, as she navigated the middle of the night Los Angeles traffic. It was four in the morning, but she looked wide-awake. “We did finally to get him to come inside, but he’s been in his room since. He won’t talk to anyone, even Katie, and I hope he’ll talk to you.”

“I’m the last person I he’ll want to see,” I groused, shaking my head. I was tired, unable to sleep on the flight. I didn’t think I was going to sleep now, either. “I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t hit me or something. I screamed at him over the phone and told him I was divorcing him. I was just so angry, and I shouted the first thing that came to mind.”

“Well, give him time. Katie and Joe are sitting in the room with him, but he won’t speak. I trust him not to do anything stupid, but we wanted to be safe all the same,” she informed me, finally heading out of the city. “Brian and Mike went home to talk, and I think their parents are over there. Your mom is on her way, as she worked the weekend and has the week and weekend off. Everyone will stay at the house, since that’s easier.”

“I could get a hotel if it will cause too much tension in the house,” I offered, but Barb shook her head. “It’s going to get ugly, you know.”

“That’s okay. I just won’t have you staying in a hotel just because Jimmy might be a little cranky. The best way to work this out is to stay at the house and that’s how it will be,” she said, and how could I argue with that?

I must’ve fallen asleep during the ride because the next thing I remember is Barb shaking me awake. I followed her inside and then up to the guest room. I don’t remember getting into bed, but I woke up to the sun shining, in my pajamas, in bed. It was around 11 when I woke up and I dreaded getting out of bed. I knew I had to do it, I had to face my husband, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. I gave up, though, and went to shower, glad the room had a private bathroom.

Finally, refreshed and dressed, I went downstairs. Jimmy was sitting at the dining room table and he looked terrible: his eyes were red and swollen, his face was pale and his hair was sticking up all over the place. He sniffled now and again, and tears rolled down his face. A glass of water sat in front of him, along with a plate of toast. It looked like the toast had gone cold long ago, and it was being ignored.

“Jimmy?” I asked, quietly, and saw his dad out of the corner of my eye.

“I don’t want to speak to you,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself and shivering a bit. It was clear to me that he hadn’t been eating and that made me even more worried. When Jimmy stopped eating, it was a sign that he was in an emotional downfall, and I felt guilty for causing it. He stood up on shaky legs and headed outside. Since all he was wearing was his swim trunks, I knew where he was going.

I watched him head down to the beach and lay down on a little inflatable clear raft. He was floating in the water near the shore and I sighed, shaking my head. His father handed me a cup of coffee, and I walked outside, heading down to the beach to see if he’d talk to me. He looked over toward me, then looked back, tears falling behind his sunglasses.

“Jimmy, look, we need to talk,” I said, sitting down in the sand. I almost laughed when I realized he’d taken the time to put sunscreen on, but kept that to myself. “We did a lot of shouting on the phone, so I came out here to resolve it.”

He said nothing, just ignored me. I sighed, standing and brushing the sand from my shorts. “Fine. But this is not over. I fly out on Tuesday morning, and when I leave, I want something resolved.”

I walked back to the house, leaving him to his little raft. I had half a mind to go bash Brian’s brains in, but decided that would be in bad taste. If I saw him, though, there was no telling how I’d react. I sat down at the dining room table and put my head in my hands. I didn’t know what to do with Jimmy or myself. I ran out here figuring we’d talk things over like always; I hadn’t planned on him not talking.

“He’ll come around,” his dad said, sitting with me. I took a drink of coffee and shook my head. “He will, trust me. He’s out of his room, which is more than I expected for today. Eventually, he’ll talk to you and things will get resolved.”

“I just can’t believe he cheated on me,” I said, leaning back in my chair. I ran my heads over my face, feeling the stress in my shoulders. “I mean, I trust him, Joe, I really do! But he should’ve said something! Why would he have feelings for Brian all at once?”

“Well, I’m no doctor or anything, but for 10 years, Jimmy couldn’t remember his previous life. Over that time, counselors helped him get his memory back. There are gaps which will never be filled, thanks to the drugs and such, but for the most part, he has a few good memories now. One of those memories was Brian, his first love. He and Brian first met in 8th grade and were friends or dating ever since. Brian’s heart was shattered when Jimmy ran,” Joe said, looking out the window at his son. He was floating languidly in the water, soaking up the sun, tears glistening on his face. “When you finally found us and subsequently his friends, feelings were naturally going to surface. It hurt Brian to learn that you and Jimmy were married, but he was married, too. When the divorce happened, he probably thought you and Jimmy had fallen apart. No offence, but you had every reason to. But you made it and I think that hurt Brian more.

“So, when Jimmy was here in February, we tried to make sure they were never alone. We did our best, but there were times. I recall Katie coming over for Jimmy's going away party we held, since we didn’t know when he’d be coming home again; she looked spooked, and kept a close eye on Jimmy and Brian. But she wouldn’t say anything, until Jimmy was gone back to Iowa. She told us what she’d seen, and I suspected then that he’d keep quiet. Brian’s a jealous sort, so I suspect Jimmy was wined into it. I’m not saying he was drunk, but I don’t think he really knew what was happening. Katie got him to spill the story and the details suggest that we’re right. So while you’re right to be upset, consider the circumstances. I don’t know that Jimmy had all of his senses about him when it happened.”

I had thought about that, though I didn’t know about Brian. This whole situation is so screwed up, and I think it’s going to take longer to handle it than I have days off. Besides that, how many people knew about his indiscretions before me?

“I need some time to think, you know?” I said, and my father-in-law nodded.

“Take all the time you need,” he said, squeezing my shoulder as he walked outside to check on Jimmy. He was floating in deeper water now and I’d hate to think he was trying to float away or something.

I looked out into the ocean, past my husband, and into the blue sky. The weather here mimicked Iowa in the summer without the massive amounts of humidity. I understand the appeal of California, but I will assure you that once you’re here and realize that the seasons don’t change a lot, you’ll get tired of it. Some people like that, but not I; I need those changes in the world that mark the passage of time. Sure, it sucks sliding into work in the winter, but it’s worth it for what I have right now. I’ve already got my paperwork done for the fairs I’ll be entering, and the gardens are really coming along. Jimmy will be missing out on all of this, and it’s his fault.

I watched as his dad talked to him, gesturing at him, and I wondered what was being said. I know that Jimmy is upset and miserable; I am as well. But he’s the one who cheated and chose not to say anything. I know he was off his meds, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior. I sighed, rubbing my eyes; I had to look away for a while. I grabbed Jimmy's truck keys and left a note to say I was going out. I didn’t know where I was going, but I needed to get away for a while.

I found myself down at The Pier. It’s one place where I can find peace, despite the crowds here. This time of day, beings it was so close to dinnertime, it was especially crowded. Busy people were taking their hour to eat and then get back to work, all in the name of a paycheck. I wish I had an hour for lunch! Most of the time, my 30 minutes wasn’t even a guarantee, if we were short. I’d be in the middle of lunch and get begged to go on a run; an hour lunch? I wish!

I looked around me at the crowd, spotting the happy couples and envying them. Why do people do that? If one is having a hard time in one’s relationship, why do we then look at other happy couples and get jealous? It makes no sense to me whatsoever but I find myself doing it all the time. All it does is depress me right now, but I’m staring at them walking hand in hand. I finally made myself turn around and face the ocean. It’s so clear and you can see for miles, it’s a vast place of wonderment for me. What’s in the ocean besides the fish and things? What would it be like to live in the water, with not a care in the world?

Don’t think I’m considering jumping off The Pier to my death or anything. There have been people who did that and I’m not eager to join them. I’m depressed, but not that depressed. I finally pulled my phone out of my pocket and called a mutual friend of ours. He’d be a good one to talk to and he lived here in town. I told him to meet me at The Pier, and he hung up and agreed.

I watched the crowds again, and soon, his spiky brown hair was spotted bobbing through the throngs of people. He might be short, but his hair had a tendency to stand in a mo-hawk from time to time. That was one of the perks of owning your own business, I suppose. He stood in front of me finally and asked me what was going on.

“Jimmy cheated on me with Brian,” I blurted out and Johnny looked at me with pure surprise on his face. I shook my head, turning so he wouldn’t see the emotions building up in me; I hate being emotional. “It happened in February, I guess, and his sister saw it. No one told me until Mike called the other night. He was spying on Jimmy, I guess, I don’t know why. But he heard the confession loud and clear, and he called me and yelled at Brian. I flew out here for reasons unknown after screaming divorce at my husband. Johnny, what the fuck am I going to do now?”

Johnny was pacing, and I could see that he was still in shock with this news. He finally joined me looking out over the ocean and sighed.

“I don’t know, Jacoby,” he admitted, placing a hand on my back. He was slowly shaking his head, and I knew that no answers would be easy. “I’m going to go talk to him, see what I can make of this. I’m sure there’s an answer, I just don’t know what it is.”

“Sounds good,” I agreed, as he walked away, his black sunglasses reflecting the bright sun. It was hot today, but it felt good. I pushed off the railing surrounding The Pier and went into Ruby’s, the diner at the end of The Pier. I needed something to eat, and I knew this place made dessert like no other. I took a seat at the counter and waited for someone to notice me.

“What can I get you?” a young girl asked, dressed in the typical red and white uniform.

“A large peanut butter shake,” I said, taking out my wallet. She rang me up and I handed her the money, watching as ice cream was scooped into a glass, then blended with peanut butter. She handed me my change. “Thanks.”

When I’m upset, I like to eat peanut butter. I can eat peanut butter no matter what, but for some reason when I’m upset, I eat it more often. I ate slowly, contemplating the situation I was in. I’d never wanted to be here, and yet I was warned that this might happen. Jimmy's counselor, in the very beginning, had to give me a report after every visit; she’d tell me how he was doing and what I had to do at home for him. Those first months were very hard on our marriage, because his memory was terrible, he was trying to get through EMT school, and we were doing the house.

His counselor told me that, once he remembered his past, he might return to an old lover. Even though we were married, he might not be able to stay faithful if he was reunited with old family and friends. I guess I put the thought out of my mind once it took me 10 years to find him any family at all. Now, I wonder if this is what the counselor was talking about. I shook my head and finished my treat, wiping my mouth with a flimsy paper napkin. I stood up and decided to head back to the house; maybe Jimmy would speak to me now. Maybe.

What's that Coby? You wanna bash Brian's brains in? Sure thing, I'll hold the scumbag, you kick his ass, then we'll go find Jimmy!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels like that...and things get increasingly interesting as we go through the story. The way things are handled, the things we learn about people, etc., all make it very interesting as we go along. But I want to strangle Jimmy and Brian both!

Right now I swear strangling is too good for them both!

You might be right about that! Tomorrow you'll see how this first of many attempts to talk works out...because this is FAR from over for these two!

Oh stop taunting me woman! The characters in my fic are finally talking to me again and you keep interrupting!!

But I am interested to see what on earth is going to happen!

*laughs* I suppose I could move aside for thine characters, lol! I've got one screaming at me, too, so I should really let her have her say.

*loves to tease people*

Okay, so my characters seem happy right now and I seem to recall you promised more chapters

*laughs* I did! My screamer is happier now as well =), so I shall commence with then posting as I have a late lunch!

***

6

I love how Jacoby yells at me over the phone, berating me, divorcing me, and then he flies out here and wants to talk. I’m at my lowest of lows, at least in the recent past, and he wants to talk? I thought he wanted a divorce. Hell, we’ve both screamed it enough in the last few months. I don’t have a lot of time off work while he’s here, thankfully, so I can avoid him by working. I have today and tomorrow off, then I work for three straight days. By then it will be the weekend and almost time for him to leave.

My dad was gesturing at me, talking to me, but I didn’t hear him. I was using my hand to push my little raft away from him, figuring I could get quite a ways out and still swim back to shore if I wanted to. Or, I could just stay there until the divorce was final. I was out fairly deep already, and I glanced over to see that dad had come prepared for swimming. I guess he was going to yell at me no matter what.

I closed my eyes and basked in the sun. I was already tan in the short time I’d been back home and it looked good on me. Perhaps I could woo someone with my tan and start over in love. But in my heart, there was only Jacoby, and I knew that. I felt more tears fall down my face at the thought that my one true love was going to divorce me because I was an idiot and let myself cheat on him.

To be fair, I think Brian is as much to blame. He more or less seduced me that night, rubbing my shoulders and all. He knew I wasn’t on my meds, because I confessed to him that I wasn’t on them. He told me that it was my right or some gobbly gook like that not to take them. Some nurse, huh? Mike wasn’t living there at the time, as they were only newly going out. He’s supposed to be moving in soon, though with all of this, I imagine that’s all on hold.

“What the--?” I asked, as water splashed in my face. I glared at my father as I wiped my face, noting that my contacts did not appreciate water in my eyes. “What was that for?”

“You weren’t even listening,” my father complained, still staring down at me. I glared back at him, wishing to return to my solitude. “You’re pushing yourself away from us, Jimmy, just like before.”

I was stunned; how could he say that? “Dad, that was low,” I growled, but he shook his head, as I stood from my raft. We weren’t out so deep I couldn’t touch bottom, but I had to tread just a bit to keep myself and my raft in place. “I’m finally opening up to my family and you say something like that?”

“Jimmy, you push us away when you need us most. It took you forever to open up to us back in February, and I don’t want that to happen again.”

“What should I say?” I shouted, as tears fell unbidden down my cheeks. How many times can I still cry over this? “What would you have me say? That your son is one big fuck up? Want me to ask you how disappointed you are in me? Because for all the good stuff I’ve done, I’ve done a lot more bad stuff, dad. I don’t know how I can open up any more than I already have!”

I heard a pop in the air and I looked down as my little raft deflated. I’d squeezed it in anger and popped it. I threw the flimsy plastic as hard as I could and then let myself fall face first into the water with it. Dad pulled me up and shook me, as we headed for the shore. I tried to get away from him, but his grip was strong and I was soon sitting on the sand, my little raft still in my hands. I don’t know why, but losing that cheap little raft felt like losing a best friend. I can get a new one, but it won’t be the same.

“Jimmy, listen to me!” he shouted, as we sat on the sand together. He still had an iron grip on my shoulders and I was scared of him. I couldn’t hear a word he shouted as memories of the night Jacoby found me came back to me.

My gut hurt, as I was punched over and over. There was a metallic taste in my mouth and I spat out blood.

“You’re nothing but a scum, you know that?” a drunk voice slurred at me, and my eye hurt when he punched it. “Sold me the wrong shit, you little fucker.”

I shivered, as he undressed me, and I knew what he was going to do. He grabbed my arms and pinned me down, and I prayed to pass out…

“Jimmy!”

I jumped, looking into my dad’s eyes, which reflected his anger at me. I trembled, trying to scoot away from him, trying to get to safety. I managed to shake him off and I ran, grasping the remainder of my little raft to my abdomen and I screamed for help. The drunk staggered after me as I ran, and he got me again, pushed me down and finished me off. I was lying there, bleeding, and as I feel asleep, I heard the sirens…

“Jimmy?” a familiar voice called and I looked up into mom’s eyes. She was holding my shivering body and I sagged against her, my body aching. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s after me,” I mumbled, not daring to look behind her. The drunk was going to get me and I was going to die. “He’s going to kill me.”

I remember thinking I was going to die. What else could possibly be the outcome of that night? I’d had my Brompton Cocktail, then I’d been attacked, so I must be looking at Heaven. I must’ve done something right in my life to get in. I blinked a bit and realized that I couldn’t move; my body felt like lead.

“He’s waking up,” a voice said, and I furrowed my brow. Who in the world is that? “Can you tell us your name?”

“Jimmy,” I croaked out, finally getting my eyes open. I looked around the room, what I could see of it, but I still felt so confused. “Who are you?”

“Jacoby Shaddix,” he said, smiling. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up. I found you in an alley in Council Bluffs and thought you were dead. You’ve been in a coma for over a month.”

“Oh,” I said, as I heard a door open. I looked to my left and saw a woman enter my room, with a tall man behind her. “Who are they?”

“Your nurse and doctor,” Jacoby explained, and I realized he was holding my hand. Who the hell gives a shit about a 17 year old drug addict?

“Where am I?”

I don’t remember much after that. They said I was in Omaha, in the hospital, and that I’d been beaten, raped, and overdosed on drugs. How I was alive was anyone’s guess, but I’d pulled through. I had a long recovery ahead of me, I remember hearing that.

“Jimmy, look at me,” a voice called and I looked into my sister’s eyes, as she rubbed my arms, massaged my shoulders. I was sitting down now and my parents stood around me, looking worried. “Where did you go?”

“The n-night it all happened,” I whispered. It was a night that my family knew nothing about it and I wanted to keep it that way. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can tell me,” she said, and I watched mom and dad go back inside. I knew that Kelly would want to know all of the details, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her, because I didn’t remember all the details. “I know that your long term memory has been damaged beyond repair, but tell me what you remember.”
“I-I can’t,” I muttered, holding myself tight. I was still shaking and I don’t think dad realized he’d caused the problem. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What made you flash?” she asked, stopping her inquisition for now. I sighed, feeling horrible, but I told her anyway.

“Dad was just trying to help, but he grabbed my arms and it triggered me. Any time someone grabs me or is in anyway violent to me, I flashback.”

“Do mom and dad know that?” she asked, and I shook my head, shivering. “Then we need to tell them.”

I nodded, as mom came out with a blanket. She wrapped it around me and Kelly asked dad to join us. She explained what had happened and I saw the guilt on my dad’s face. He apologized profusely, even though I told him not to worry; he hadn’t known. The deck door opened again and I was confused when I saw Johnny. He sat down with us and I knew that he had found out, given the look on his face. My family left us alone, the guilt never leaving dad’s face.

I flinched as Johnny slapped me and memories started up again. I tried to tramp them down, but as usual, they were stronger than me.

I was going through hell. As if being beaten and raped wasn’t enough, now I was detoxing as well. My body hurt, because I wasn’t fully recovered from all of the damage the beating had handed me. The memories from that night kept coming back to me every time a procedure was done on me or someone touched me. The pain from the physical wounds wasn’t nearly as bad as the mental pain. Then, I started detoxing and that was just the last straw.

“Jimmy,” a voice called…

“Why the fuck did you slap me?” I shouted at my best friend of so many years. I might have a bad memory, but I knew that we’d been close longer than two years.

“Because you fucked up,” he shouted, as I huddled further into my blanket, still clutching that retched raft. “Jacoby called me to meet him at The Pier and I couldn’t figure out why he was even in town. Then, he explained everything to me and by God I’m so ready to beat you.”

“Well, I’ve done that to myself already, so I’ll spare you the task,” I said, looking anywhere but at his angry hazel eyes. His mo-hawk bobbed as he shook his head and I knew he was disappointed in me. “I don’t even know what happened that night, honestly. I went over to see him before I left, you know? He rubbed my shoulders and that lead to sex. I honestly don’t know how it happened, Johnny. I regret it; oh Lord do I regret it. But I can’t take it back, can I? My marriage is over. I don’t have a very good memory of the time I woke up and such, but I do remember hearing a counselor tell Jacoby that faithfulness might be an issue if I remembered you guys.”

“Do you regret remembering us?”

“What? NO!” I said, shaking my head. How could he think that? “Hell no. I’m glad we got reunited, I just regret what Brian and I did, that’s all. We’re not together anymore and I don’t have feelings for him anymore, so what happened?”

“Like hell you don’t have feelings for him anymore,” Johnny said, and I admit I was confused. “Oh come on! The way you two flirt with each other is disgusting!”

“What’s more disgusting is that Mike is spying on me,” I said, glancing toward the fence that separated my parent’s yard from his. I hadn’t realized until recently that Mike lived so close by, but now I hate it. I waved as his head ducked behind the fence. “Come on over Mike.”

Johnny turned to look as the door to the fence opened and Mike appeared on the deck. He took a seat dangerously close to me but I held my fists in check. I wouldn’t hit him right away.

“Have you learned anything in your recent spying? Because I really don’t appreciate it,” I informed him, as he smirked at me. “Are you happy that you ruined my marriage? Because we’d planned on keeping that to ourselves, you know. I wasn’t myself when it happened, so I didn’t think it should count against me.”

“You ruined my relationship,” he said, and I noticed then that his ring was gone. I shrugged at him. “I’m doing you and Brian a favor by keeping an eye on you. I can’t stand you, Jimmy, you’re nothing but a selfish bastard. You’re right: you’re a fuck up. I don’t know why you’re out here. Why don’t you go back to your farm? Isn’t that where you belong, the Funny Farm?”

I almost decked him, but Johnny got between us just in time. As it was, I almost hit Johnny but he caught my fist. Mike was on his feet, staring me down, and I wanted so badly to mess up his perfect face.

“I know all about you, Jimmy,” he sneered, knowing that I couldn’t reach him right now. “I know what happened all those years ago, I know you don’t remember half of it and I know all about your mental illnesses. I’ll see to it that, if you lay another hand on Brian or utter even so much as a word to him again, that you never fly another helicopter as long as you live.”

With that he walked away, and I watched him go, held in place by Johnny and little else. I broke free of Johnny’s grasp as the door in the fence closed and I watched Mike walk into his house, looking smug.

“I’ll kill him!” I shouted, crumpling to the deck floor. Johnny held me as I seethed, not sure whether to scream or cry. “I hate him! He can’t fucking do that to me!”

“He can, though,” Johnny said, and I wanted to slap him, too. “It’s just best to steer clear of him and Brian for a bit, and let things blow over. You just got established out here, do you want to ruin that?”

“He can’t keep me away from my best friend,” I screamed, and I know Mike heard me. I hadn’t liked him from day one and now I knew why. “He’s a selfish bastard.”

“I know, but you have to deal with him for a bit,” Johnny said, as my family joined us. They all looked nervous, as though I’d flashback or lash out at any time. “We’ll come up with a plan, I promise.”

I wanted to trust him, but I didn’t. There was no plan in the world that would save this marriage. I was the fuck up and I had to pay the price, I thought, as I saw Jacoby come onto the deck. He looked as miserable as I felt and I hung my head in shame.

Oh like you have any right to wanna beat on Mike. You ruined not only your own marriage but his impending one too you selfish brat. You blame Brian, but it takes two to tango, or, y'know, have hot dirty sex!!

Also, please try beating on Mike again, without Johnny to get in the way, I kinda wanna sit here and laugh as he knocks your scrawny cheating ass into next month!

I cheered when Johnny smacked Jimmy, does that make me a bad person?

*laughs* I love the reactions I get to Jimmy in the beginning of this story...because they're all so similar. He's trying to play the sympathy card and no one is taking it!

You're not a bad person for that reaction...he deserved it! He tries so hard to redeem himself, but he fucking cheated! *idiot*

***

7

I returned to Jimmy's house and tossed his keys in the basket on the small table behind the door. Everyone seemed to be outside and for some reason, I feared he’d had a meltdown. My caring side kicked in and for a moment, I forgot I was mad at him. I rushed outside, in time to see Johnny stand up and turn to leave. He passed me on the deck and glanced at me, his hazel eyes troubled as he shrugged and shook his head.

I looked at Jimmy, recognizing that haunted look: he’d been having flashbacks again. I hate to say it, but he so often brings them on himself; I wonder what the trigger was this time. I sat down in front of him and waited for him to say something, feeling the late afternoon sun on my back. My anger resurfaced when he looked at me, and even though he looked as miserable as I felt, I couldn’t feel anything but anger.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and I shook my head.

“It’s not that easy, Jimmy,” I said, slouching down in my chair. I covered my face with my hands and sighed. An apology was not going to take care of this. “An apology is just not enough, Jimmy. Not only did you cheat on me, but you essentially lied to me about it. Were you ever going to say anything to me?”

“No,” he whispered and that just made me angrier. “Brian and I had decided to keep it secret.”

I shook my head, unable to believe what I was hearing. “So you were just going to keep this from me for the rest of our lives? You don’t think you’d ever slip up and let it out? Because I’ll grant you that I suspected nothing. What happened that night?”

Jimmy took a deep breath and shrugged, looking me in the eye for once. “I don’t know. I went over there to see him once more before I left. It’s been hard to catch up over email and stuff, and I wanted to talk to him one on one. I had a beer, but just one, which you know does nothing for me. Then, I started venting my stress at him, telling him what was going on and stuff, and he started rubbing my shoulders. I was honest to him about being off my meds, since I was at that time. I just remember venting and he was rubbing my shoulder and then we went upstairs. I didn’t really know what he was going to do, and then we were naked and yeah.”

“He took advantage of you?” I asked, shocked. Some friend. “Jimmy, he took advantage of you!”

“No, he didn’t,” he argued, but I knew he wasn’t sure he believed it. I could tell that he was thinking things over, pondering that I might actually be right. “No, he wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he?” a voice asked, and I turned to see Mike looking over the fence. Does that man have nothing better to do than spy on his neighbors? “He saw an opportunity, Jimmy. You weren’t quite all there, you were off your meds and in a bad situation. Why wouldn’t he take advantage of that?”

By now, Mike was walking the length of the fence to join us. I saw Jimmy's face turn red, his fists clench, and I knew I was about to have a fight on my hands. When Jimmy stood at Mike’s approach, I stood as well, staying in the middle of them, confident Jimmy would not hit me. I saw his father come onto the porch, and appreciated the back up.

“You need to stay the hell out of this Mike,” Jimmy said, his breath heaving in his chest. “You’ve done nothing good for me yet. You stole Brian out from under all of us, just a few months after his divorce. You’re nothing but a clingy leech, and he can’t stand clingy people. I don’t know what kind of brainwashing you’re doing, but it needs to stop.”

“I’m not the one cheating, am I?” he asked, and Jimmy was speechless at that. In a way, I understood Mike, because it was true: Jimmy and Brian were the cheaters here. But I still don’t know what Mike’s deal is. “I’m not the one who went off my meds, ruined my good job, cheated on my husband and then moved out here to be closer to my ex.”

“I came out here for a fucking job!” Jimmy shouted, and shoved me aside, his fast raised and heading for Mike. I managed to get my bearings and hold Jimmy back, as Mike smirked at him.

“You lay a hand on me, you’ll never work in this county again,” Mike said, a smug look on his face. He had his arms crossed over his bare, muscular chest, and seemed to think he had some advantage. “I know people, Jimmy, and I’ve ruined a lot of careers over smaller problems.”

“You have no right to talk to him like that,” I said, standing up to Mike. “This works both ways, my friend.”

“You’d think you would be grateful,” he said, hitting a sore spot, and he knew it, of course. “I let you know that your husband was cheating. Granted, I didn’t plan on you coming out here, but now that you’re here, you can see for yourself what they do with each other.”

As if summoned, Brian came onto Mike’s back deck, looking around. He smiled when he saw us, and hurried over, standing next to Jimmy. The gesture seemed awkward, but it was clear they were trying to hide something. Jimmy looked over at Brian and while his face was neutral, it was hard to miss the look in his eyes.

“See?” Mike asked, gesturing to the pair. I shook my head, wondering what he was trying to do here. “Jimmy ruined our engagement.”

“Don’t you blame this on him,” I said, turning to Brian. I was angry and as long as he was standing here, I felt the need to give him a piece of my mind. I walked calmly over to him, knowing that Joe could keep his son under control if needed. “Brian Haner. I understand that the night my husband cheated on me with you, you knew that he wasn’t on his meds.”

“He mentioned it. But we were consenting adults, Jacoby. He knew what was going on.”

“According to him, his memories of that night are kind of fractured. Did you drug him?”

“What? NO! He opened his own drink and at no time did I mess with it. I don’t do drugs, and I know better than to give him drugs. He’s a former addict, and I would never want to ruin that,” he said, backing up a little from me. “Why do you think I took advantage of him, Jacoby? Are you that desperate to fix things? You fucked up, man, big time. You were there for him, I agree, but how many times did you yell at him? How many times did you make him feel worse about himself?”

“Excuse me?” I shouted, getting right in his face. I do not like being accused of things that are not my fault. “I did no such thing. I was there for him from day one. We had our fights, yes, but what matters is that I was there for him. That’s far more than I can say for you. A scattered few phone calls here and there and that’s it. He comes out here for a break and you lure him into having sex with you. I’d say you were the one not there for him, Brian. Some friend you’ve turned out to be.”

There was a tense silence right before Brian aimed his fist at my face. I ducked, having suspected this was coming, and he missed, stumbling forward a bit. Jimmy caught him and stood him back up as I righted myself. The second punch hit the mark, and I stumbled back, swinging back with my casted arm. The damn thing was due to come off in a week or two, but it was going to come in handy now. I figure the bones are healed enough that I won’t do any harm.

I heard something crack and it turns out it was Brian’s nose. Jimmy’s dad interfered at that point and yelled at all of us to sit down. Brian was holding his nose, which was bleeding profusely, and I smirked at him. He got what he deserved, as far as I was concerned. Joe got him a cold towel and me an ice pack, and then sat the four of us down for what promised to be a long, unpleasant chat. He handed everyone a bottle of water, looking sternly at each of us.

“This fighting has got to stop right now,” he said, as though he were addressing a group of small children. I’m not going to say we weren’t acting like small children. “I know what Jimmy and Brian did was wrong, but this is not the way to deal with it. Now, we’re going to talk, one person at a time, and see what we can get resolved. I’m going to let Brian go first.”

Brian still had the towel pinched to his nose, but took it down to look around the table. His left eye was starting to bruise now as well, but I held my expressions in check. It was clear that Joe was tired of the fighting, and I needed to respect that, even though I wanted to hit Brian again and again. He looked over at Jimmy, then at Mike, and finally at me; he looked wrecked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, hanging his head, putting the towel back for a moment. When he looked back up, he sighed. “I honestly don’t know. Jimmy and I had one beer, then I let him vent. I rubbed his shoulders, trying to de-stress him before he went back home. I remember rubbing his shoulders, then I kissed the top of his head. From there, we just kind of went with the flow. I didn’t intend for us to have sex by any means, but it happened. I feel horrible about it, as I know Jimmy does as well.”

“Jimmy?”

“I honestly can’t add anything to that,” he said, looking down at the clear glass table. Our feet were naught but squiggly lines in the distorted view of the glass. It almost made me laugh, but the seriousness of the situation quelled that desire. “He’s right, though I don’t remember the kiss. We were just talking and then we were naked. That’s honestly all I remember.”

“Mike, I want to know why you keep spying on and threatening my son,” Joe said, and it was clear that he was angry. “How long has that been going on?”

“Long enough,” he smirked and I knew right away that he was taking some sort of pleasure out of this situation. “Long enough to know that Jimmy, here, is not faithful to Jacoby.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your prying eyes to yourself. As to the threats made to my son, if you follow through, I’ll follow through with a lawyer so fast you won’t know what hit you. My son came out here for a fresh start, and I will not have that ruined.”

“Some fresh start. We all know that he came out here to be closer to Brian,” Mike said, glaring at Jimmy. “Why else would he give up the chance to return to his job in Omaha? Let’s see: he could keep working at a place he had a meltdown in front of everyone or he could come home and be with his ex. Gee, I wonder what he was thinking.”

“You know what Mike, I’ve had it with you,” Brian said, standing. Joe gestured for him to sit down, and he did so, his fists still clenched. “I don’t know what I saw in you.”

“Ah, it’s not like that Brian,” Mike said, and I knew right away that he was controlling Brian. “I get to decide what happens here, not you. You’re on the rebound from your divorce, remember? You wouldn’t want to give up the best thing to happen to you, would you? I will be in the picture for years to come.”

“No, you won’t,” Brian said, and I almost felt bad for slugging him. “You are out of my life right now. The engagement is off. I can’t believe you’d say such cruel things to Jimmy. Now, leave!”

“You haven’t heard the last of me, Haner,” he said, departing with a slap to Brian’s cheek. The gate door slammed shut a few seconds later, and he disappeared into his house.

“God,” Brian said, and I nodded. What else could be said for that man?

“Look, I know we still have a lot to discuss,” Joe said, causing all of us to nod. “But it’s getting late and we all need a rest. Brian, be back here for lunch tomorrow. Jimmy, do you work tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Good. I’ll grill, and the three of us will talk,” he said, standing. That ended our meeting and we all went inside. I watched Brian and Jimmy hug each other goodbye, and I could see in their eyes that the hug meant more than just see you tomorrow.

“Jimmy, a word?” I asked, once the door was shut. We went upstairs to his room and I sat next to him on the bed. “Be honest: what do you feel for Brian?”

He was quiet, mulling over his answer. Finally, his troubled blue eyes met my angry blue ones and he sighed. “I don’t honestly know.”

I screamed in frustration, tearing at my hair. “That’s not an answer, Jimmy! I watched you two say goodbye, I saw that hug, and it was more than a friendly hug! I’ve seen you two flirt with each other and I know there’s something there!”

“What the fuck are you going to do about it, Jacoby?” he shouted, and I flinched. “Huh? So what if I feel something for him now? Why does that matter? Because you are still my husband! You are still the reason I am clean, sober, and ALIVE! You are the one who found me half dead in an alley, you are the one that saved me, you are the one that stayed by my side even when you didn’t have to. You are also the one who once, for whatever reason, kissed your ex.”

My eyes went wide at that. His memory is so bad sometimes that I don’t always know what he remembers. Both his long term and short term memories have damage, and as such, he might forget that he had lunch or he might forget a birthday. But apparently, some things are hard to forget, and that was one of them.

Oh Coby! What did you do?!?! I was so on your side there!

Still, Mike's a tool, don't like him at all. And Brian is still a scheming ass, but at least now he has a nice broken face, courtesy of Coby, which is what I've been gunning for for a long time now!

You'll see tomorrow what Coby did...I've been sitting on that, trying not to blurt out that Coby isn't as innocent as he seems. No one is perfect, least of all our dynamic duo.

I hate Mike. I don't know why I wrote him in...but he seemed like just what the story needed, though I still don't know why. I hate characters like that!

And now I must clean house...I was all up for spring cleaning this morning, got called in to watch Lyra for a "half our to 45 minutes" which turned into two and a half hours (which ws fine with me)...and now I've lost my momentum for cleaning. But I'll find it again...because the ceiling fans need some serious TLC, lol!

Hahah, I have such double standards right now. I'm sat here thinking of ways to justify it for Coby *is a bad girl*

*laughs* Please note that I haven't moved since my last post...:S

It will be interesting to see what you think of the information you will learn tomorrow. Neither is a saint...but keep in mind how Jimmy's memory works. Things revealed tomorrow are what kind of made the pace of the story for me.

aaand you're taunting again!!!

I'm worse than a playground bully, aren't I? *laughs*

yeah, kinda getting that way!

*laughs* Maybe if I put up another chapter it will motivate my butt out of my lazy chair, lol!

***

8

I stood staring at my husband, amazed that I’d just blurted out what I had. That incident was at least eight years ago, and my memories of that time are not that reliable. I can remember how to do my job, I remember a lot of things, but there are things that I do not, and I thought that was one of them. However, memories surface without warning sometimes, and I suppose the situation called for that memory.

“I—I—“ he stuttered, but I knew I had him. “Well, I—that was years ago! How the hell did you remember that?”

“I don’t know. Memories have been cropping up left and right. What? Were you hoping I’d forget?” I laughed a deep, insulting laugh. “No, Jacoby, there are some things even my injured memory cannot forget. Six weeks of hell we went through then, wondering if I’d forgive you or if we could stay married or not. There are, again, some things that are hard to forget.”

“Look, you’re right, I don’t have much of a leg to stand on. But this situation is different, Jimmy: you did the whole thing, I only kissed my ex, and it was a peck on the lips, not sex.”

“But was not what you did still cheating? I cheated by having sex, you cheated by kissing your ex. I might also add that your ex is a woman.”

“What does that matter?” he asked, looking up at me. I sat next to him once again and shook my head at him. “Why does it matter that my ex is a woman?”

“That doesn’t matter, really, it just bothers me. The important thing is that you are as at fault as I.”

Jacoby had the audacity to shake his head at me. I almost slapped him, but we’ve had enough violence tonight and his right eye is pretty swollen and bruised. I just shook my head instead, flopping back on my bed. This used to be such a pleasant thing, to have a discussion with my husband.

“Look, I don’t care what the act was, it’s cheating. We’re both cheaters. And I think diddling around, trying to figure out what we should do is a waste of time. So, are we going to accept that both of us have now committed this most egregious of acts in our marriage and move on? Or are we going to diddle about, you being a spy on Brian and I from afar?”

“I don’t know, Jimmy,” Jacoby said, sighing. “I just don’t know. I can’t just forgive what you did.”

“So I forgave you eight years ago, but you can’t forgive me now?” I asked, feeling more hurt than ever before. I fucking forgave him for cheating on me, but once again, I see where I don’t matter in this marriage. “I’m starting to think I don’t matter anymore to you, you know? We had a promise that after a while, we’d return to California; you got settled, so I came out here alone. Now, I’ve cheated on you, whether I meant to or not, and you can’t forgive me. I forgave you, Jacoby, when you cheated on me. But you just want this all for yourself, don’t you?”

“When did you become so insecure?” he asked, and I turned to him, sitting up quickly. There was a bit of a head rush, but I shook it off.

“What?” I asked, glaring at him. How could he imply such a thing? “Insecure?”

“Yes, Jimmy. You’ve become insecure. You keep clinging to the past like it’s a life preserver or something. Things change; we got good jobs, we got the farm, we settled down. I thought we were going to stay in Iowa forever once we got settled. But then you went off your meds, cracked, and ran out here. What are you running from in Iowa, Jimmy? Your past is your past, and to be honest, you’ve admitted that you can’t remember half of it anyway. So you have no one to run from. Are you running to Brian?”

I screamed, throwing my hands in the air. My fists pummeled the bed and I seethed at my husband.

“The next person who accuses me of running out here for Brian is going to be very, very, very sorry,” I growled through clenched teeth. I’ve had anger management training, but right now, it’s not working. “I’m sick and tired of being accused of running to someone who I loved in the past. I made a huge mistake, okay? I cheated on you and for that I will always be sorry. But I came out here for a job and nothing more. I wanted a fresh start and I wanted to get away from the horrible recent memories I’m plagued with. My memory is damaged, you’re right. But it is not so damaged that I’ve forgotten what’s important to me: you are important to me. My family and friends are important to me. If you want to be another accuser, then you can go home, Jacoby. We’ll get a divorce and I’ll live a great single life down here. You can do all those things I’ve held you back from doing. But if you want to work this out, then stop throwing around the accusations and we can talk this over.”

I left the room after that, my fists clenching tightly. I heard Jacoby come after me, but I kept walking. I paused long enough to put socks and shoes on and stretch. I grabbed my MP3 player, then started running. It was still light out, but I knew dark would be coming soon. I ignored any shouts for me to come back, and I concentrated on quelling my anger. I was tired of being accused of things that aren’t true. I needed to cool off before I hit somebody.

***

I ran until my body was ready to shut down and found myself far out of HB. I’m a marathon runner who hasn’t actually run a marathon yet. I run because it calms me down and because it helps my lungs. Of late, I’ve started up again, after a long absence from it, given recent circumstances, and it feels good. But this was not a good idea. It’s probably 92 right now, not to mention dark, I have no water and no inhaler. I need to get somewhere to find water first and foremost. I have enough breath for that, I think.

I started walking, because that’s essential after a long run. I don’t even know where the hell I am, but it’s hot as hell out here. Just because there’s no humidity doesn’t mean it can’t be hot. I know I’ve overdone it when things are getting blurry. Holy hell. I think that’s a gas station up ahead, so they’ll have water, right? I can hear how badly I’m wheezing, and I know I’m sun burnt, since the sun didn’t go down until a few minutes ago. Work is going to suck tomorrow, isn’t it?

Oh the air feels good in here. There’s someone at the counter! It’s nice and cool in here, which feels good. The person is talking to me, but I can’t really hear her.

“I need water,” I gasp out, and she’s getting a bit squiggly on me. I need to keep it together long enough for the drink of water. She’s moving around, not sure where she’s going. Oh, there’s a chair under me, how thoughtful of her. Oh water I need water! This water feels good going down, oh my God. “Thanks.”

“You need a doctor, son,” she says, but I shake my head, causing the world to go around. I hate dizzy spells. I need more water, this wasn’t enough. She’s on the phone and I shake my empty bottle at her. Oh, I’m going to be sick, this can’t be good. Oh, the floor’s a mess now, I need to clean it up. “No, sit down!”

There’s that chair again, oh, more water, good. I need more water. I feel like shit. I’m a medic, I should know how to treat this. She’s cleaning me up and I feel bad about that. I hate sunburns, but whatever she put on it feels good. Ahhh..the relief. Things are becoming clearer now, but I can’t breathe. I’m trying to get her attention, pulling on her shirt, I can’t breathe! Help me!

“Jimmy?”

My eyes snapped open and I flinched. My body hurt, I can’t breathe, where the fuck am I, who’s that, what’s going...

“Jimmy!”

It’s my dad.

“Jimmy, breathe,” he instructed, but I couldn’t. “Breathe.”

I can’t breathe, there’s an elephant on my chest, and my chest hurts, my skin hurts, it’s on fire, where am I, what’s going on…

“It’s a duck, honey,” another voice says and I hear the hissing, and she’s right, it’s a duck, but he can’t take the elephant out...

“Breathe,” my dad says, but I shake my head, everything hurts, I don’t know where I am, I can’t breathe, I can’t talk, who are these people, why is my skin on fire, where am I…

“Jimmy, it’s dad, you have to breathe, okay? They can’t do anything else for you until you breathe,” he says, but it doesn’t look or sound like my dad. I don’t know who the hell he is, but he’s not my dad and I can’t breathe and everything hurts and then it was just black.

I still can’t breathe. My skin still hurts. Where am I? Where’s Jacoby? Where’s my family?

I’m scared; that woman is sitting with me now, putting something on my sunburn, telling me to breathe. She’s giving me water, at least. There’s an ambulance outside now, but I don’t want to go with them. I’m an EMT, I know what to do.

Okay, I’ll sit with you. I walked with them, sat on the gurney. I’m not going to the hospital. I have to work tomorrow at UC Irvine. I’m down to fly. Okay, I’ll take a breathing treatment. You can give me fluids. No, my family wouldn’t want me. I’ll rent a car to get back home. I live in HB. I had a fight with my husband and went for a run. I’m where? That’s 36 miles. I’ve never run 36 miles before. I guess that’s why my legs feel like jello.

Okay, you can take me in for fluids. Can the lady come? She’s got the sunburn cream. She’s been with me the whole time. There’s someone else behind the counter now. She’s so helpful. Thanks, I’m glad she can come. No, there’s no family to call. I’ll call a friend, see if they want to come get me. Otherwise, there’s ways to get back to HB.

No, I feel better now, thanks. I’m not going to be admitted, but I appreciate your concern. I just needed a breathing treatment and some fluids. I do this for a living, I’ll be fine. Yes, I know that a body temperature over 106 is bad. Can I get a cold bath? That will make me feel better, I promise.

Okay, I’ll go with you for a cool bath. You’re right, my sunburn will feel better. Can the nice lady come along? I never did get her name.

Sophia.

Can Sophia come along? Thanks, I’m glad she can. I hate when a sunburn blisters, it’s always worse when that happens. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t work with this, but I need the money, see, and I only just started. I’m not even off observation yet, just another few hours and I’ll be good. Just let me…ahhh, that’s what I needed. The water feels good, you know.

You guys have been very kind to me. I’m kind of sorry I ran off on my husband now, he’s probably worried. Nah, who am I kidding? I cheated on him, and he’s probably on the first flight back to Iowa. Who’s my husband? Jacoby Shaddix. Oh, he’s staying with my parents, Joe and Barb Sullivan. He’s only here for a few days, I cheated on him, see and he’s…yes, I’m very sleepy…sorry…but he’s kind of upset with me, so I doubt he cares I’m here. I’ll just take a short nap now, thanks.

“Jimmy, look I’m really sorry about what I said. I’m sorry I got you so angry that you ran off. Think you can forgive me?”

“What?” I asked, groggily. I looked around the room I was in, and realized that I was sitting in a private room in a hospital I didn’t recognize. “What’s going on?”

“We’re taking you home,” my mother said, and I furrowed my brow, looking around. “You ran away, Jimmy, because you were angry. You ended up dehydrated in Inglewood. They had to talk you into coming into the ER for treatment. You’ve been here about four hours for fluids, breathing treatments and cool baths. The doctor has prescribed pain medication and called UC Irvine. You’re off work until Monday.”

“No, I have to work tomorrow,” I protested, but when I moved, I flinched. I looked down and realized how burnt I was. There was no way I was going to raise my shoulders for a few days, even with pain medication. “Oh shit.”

I sighed, cursing myself up one side and down the other. How I could’ve been so stupid is beyond me.

“They couldn’t get you to tell them who to call for two hours,” dad said, and I hung my head, examining my burnt, tattooed chest. This is probably the worst burn I’ve ever had. “You kept saying we wouldn’t want you. I know that was the heat exhaustion talking, so we’re sure you didn’t mean it, but what happened, Jimmy?”

“We had a fight,” I said, shrugging. I regretted that movement, but tried not to show it. “I got mad and I ran. I know it was wrong, but running is how I cool down, you know? I didn’t think I was this far out, though, until now. I barely remember getting here.”

“Well, you’ve been discharged, the papers are signed, so we’ll talk more after you’ve rested,” my mother said, and I looked up to Jacoby, as I slowly moved off the bed. Moving hurt, and there was no way I was getting my shirt back on. A doctor came in and handed me the prescriptions, giving me instructions on their use and to follow up with my regular doctor next week.

“I will. Sorry I was such a pain,” I said, but he shook his head.

“You were delirious, so it’s not a problem. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.”

With that, we walked out, after I paid my co-pay, since I’m still on Coby’s insurance. I was quiet as we walked to mom’s car, noting that the sun was starting to rise. She pulled a towel out of a cooler packed with ice and draped it over me; I thanked her, as my hot skin started to cool. Coby sat with me in the back and reached for my hand. I was surprised, but let him hold it. Maybe, just maybe, this will be the start of something new for us.

Sweet jesus Jimmy...I know I don't have all the details of why Coby kissed his ex, and kissing her was obviously still a transgression, but jumping into bed with someone else is pretty different.

I'm still with Coby though, I reckon Brian spiked Jimmy or something, it might not be totally his fault, but again he just doesn't seem to get that...

It's interesting how this plays out...because remember what I said about Jimmy's memory?

***

9

“Jimmy, I wish we could’ve talked rather than you running off,” I said, as we lay in bed together. It was eight in the morning, but the all night search for him, followed by the two hours waiting for the doctor to let him go had tired me out. Sadly, because he was like a small furnace right now, neither of us got any sleep once we got home.

“I know,” he mumbled, as I reached for the burn cream. It was just an over the counter gel from the gas station but it was helping. I gently rubbed his hot, red, blistered skin with the gel, then went into the bathroom. I rinsed my hands, then ran a towel in cold water and laid it over his skin.

“What was so bad that you couldn’t face?” I asked, as he shifted a bit. I know he’s hurting, but I can’t feel 100% sorry for him. I went to get him a pain pill and my mouth dropped open. That damn doctor gave him Vicodin. “Fuck.”

I told him I’d be right back, which he mumbled some reply or other to and hurried downstairs. Jimmy's folks were having breakfast and looked like they’d slept as much as we had. I asked his mom for a piece of paper and a pen.

“What for?” she asked, digging around in a drawer in the kitchen. She handed me what I needed and I set the pill bottle on the counter, the white pills just visible through the brown plastic.

“That damn doctor gave him Vicodin. I know I told him Jimmy was a former Vicodin addict. We need to keep track of every pill he takes. If he gets hooked on this again, I’m going to raise hell.”

“Coby?” Jimmy called, and I watched him walk slowly into the room. It was clear that he was feeling miserable, as he slowly sat down, the cold towel still around his shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“I’m getting you a pain pill,” I said, handing him one pill. I signed off on it and taped the paper inside a cupboard. I wish I’d brought our lock box from home, damn it. I’m going to have to go shopping. “You’re going to be barred from taking them on your own. It’s Vicodin.”

He almost had the pill in his mouth, but lowered his hand and stared at me. “No. I’m not taking them.”

He handed the pill back, but I shook my head, refusing to accept it. “You’re in a lot of pain, Jimmy, take it.”

“No,” he said, setting the pill down on the counter. “I won’t do it. I won’t take that chance. If he’ll give me something else I’ll do it, but I won’t take the one thing I used to abuse. I did that once, Coby, remember? I took one of yours and once I did that, it was hell not to do it again. Please, I won’t do it.”

“We have some generic Tylenol,” his mother said, looking at me. I knew that wouldn’t do much more than take the edge off. He needed the strong stuff for this burn. “Will that work?”

“No, he needs stronger stuff,” I said, glaring at him. I know where he’s coming from, but he needs this medication! “Just take one, Jimmy, so you can be comfortable until I can get you something else.”

“No, Jacoby. It takes one pill, just one, and I’m going to be an addict again,” Jimmy said, backing away from me. I can see how miserable he is, and I didn’t know what to do for him. “I can’t risk it, Jacoby. I have to stay away from them.”

“Jimmy, you’re hurting,” I pointed out, but he backed further away and slowly raised his hands, shaking his head. “What do you want me to do then?”

“Call for something else. Anything that doesn’t have Vicodin in it. You’re a medic, you know this stuff.”

“I know, Jimmy, and that’s why I want you to be comfortable now so I can call for another prescription.”

“No,” he said, and I finally relented. I scratched off the dose and put it back in the bottle. I was still shaking my head as I looked up the number for Inglewood Memorial Hospital and asked to be connected to the ER. I know why he doesn’t want one, but with a burn like that, he’s got to be in pain.

“Here,” I heard his dad say, and he exchanged Jimmy's warm towel for one from the freezer.

“ER,” a voice said, and I returned my attention to the phone.

“Hi, this is Jacoby Shaddix,” I said, sighing. “My husband was treated over night for heat exhaustion and a severe sunburn. He was prescribed Vicodin, even though I told the doctor he was a former narcotic and Vicodin addict. I was wondering if he could prescribe something else?”

“What was your husband’s name?” the woman asked, and I relayed that to her. “Okay. Looks like he saw Dr. Matheson. I’ll have him paged and call you back. Can I get your number?”

I gave her my number and thanked her, hitting end. Jimmy was sitting at the table, and his mother was trying to get some toast down him. I knew it was pointless, though, because when he was hurting, he wouldn’t eat. When he broke his leg that time, it took me a week before I got anything more than two bites of toast and some water down him. He ate enough for the pain pills not to make him sick, and that’s it.

“The doctor or someone will call us back,” I said, sitting at the table. His mom brought pancakes over and sat them in front of both of us. I was hungry, and eagerly started eating, but Jimmy picked at his. “What’s wrong, Jim?”

“I’m not very hungry,” he said, pushing the plate away. He took a drink of water and made a sour face. “Pain upsets my stomach.”

“There’s—“

“Don’t start that again,” he said, and I backed off. I didn’t want to fight, since I didn’t know if he’d run off again. I had no idea he was going to run off last night and I don’t want a repeat of that. “When you’re done, I’d like to sit down and talk. Before Brian gets here.”

I nodded, as I finished eating. The pancakes were good; his mother was a good cook. I wiped my mouth, as his mother wrapped his pancakes in plastic wrap and put them in the fridge. They’d be good later, when he felt better. I stood and indicated he should lead the way, figuring sitting outside would not suit him.

“Let’s just go back upstairs,” he suggested, and I nodded, following my husband.

Have you ever felt like you were being led to your doom? That’s exactly how that long walk from the dining room, where light came in through the sunlight, through the living room, where the windows let in the sunshine up the stairs, shaded from the sun, through the hallway, where another sun light let sunshine in, and finally into Jimmy's room, where the curtains were still pulled from last night felt.

“Would you help me shower?” he asked, and I know his pride took a blow. I nodded, as we went into the bathroom. “I’m not going to be able to lift my arms.”

“No,” I agreed, undressing him. I put the shower to cool, hoping he could tolerate it. He got cold so easily, since he was so slim, and it took him forever to warm back up again. “Come on in. If it’s too cold, just let me know.”

He carefully got into the shower, wincing when the water hit his skin. It probably felt like little bullets, but he needed to shower. It was the only way to keep the burn from becoming infected.

“The water okay?”

He nodded, as he moved his head under the stream. His hair was growing back nicely, though the dye was gone. It was now his natural reddish-brown and it looked great. He was growing it a bit, I noticed, and I liked it. I grabbed the shampoo, then decided to shower with him. I stripped off, then lathered his head, helping him rinse it. The hard part was next: I poured plenty of his body soap in my hand and lathered it up. This would hurt less than using a puffy or a rag. I gently cleansed the burned skin, understanding now why I could never work on a burn unit: he was wincing every time I spread more soap over him; imagine the pain burn patients go through every day.

“There,” I said, once he was rinsed off. He carefully stepped out, draping a towel over his shoulders, dripping onto the rug. I’d need to check his blisters and make sure none of them have popped. If they have, we need to keep them clean. “I’ll be out in a second.”

I was quick to wash up, feeling fatigue creep into my bones as I turned the shower to a warmer setting. I need to be calm when Brian returns, and that’s going to be hard for me. I want to hit him again, but Joe won’t let there be any violence at this meeting. He’s not a fan of such things, and I know the little we had yesterday bothered him. When I was done, I got out and helped Jimmy dry off, before drying myself off. He managed to brush his teeth, but I could tell it was painful. I brushed my teeth, then we moved into the bedroom. I just need to remember that in a couple of days, there will be a massive improvement in his pain.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, after helping him into boxers and a pair of shorts. He refused a shirt, and I don’t blame him. I checked his blisters and so far, they were all intact, which was important.

“Let me get another towel,” he said, but I was faster. I returned with the cold towel and draped it over his shoulders. “Thanks. I just want to talk about us. No fighting, no running away. Just us.”

“I’d like that as well,” I said, leaning up against the headboard. Jimmy got as comfortable as he could and then he clasped his hands. “Well, I guess I want to know why you cheated.”

Jimmy sighed, shaking his head. He was crying again and I waited to hear what he would say.

“I’ve already told you that my memories aren’t that good of that night, Coby,” he said, and I sighed, shaking my head. This wasn’t going to be easy, was it? “You think Brian took advantage of me, I don’t remember what he did.”

I sighed, unsure what to say. I know that his memory is damaged, mostly his long-term memory, but honestly. He fucking cheated on me and he can’t remember what Brian did? I shook my head, wondering how to do this. I knew a trick, but I’m afraid that if I do that, he’ll remember more than I want him to. But, I need to know why he cheated on me.

“Close your eyes,” I said, but he shook his head violently. I wanted to slap him, but refrained. “Close your damn eyes!”

“No, we’re not going to do that, Jacoby. I hate that trick, you now that,” he said, glaring at me. It was something his doctors had done over the years to try to fix his memory. If he closed his eyes, I had a way to draw him into the memory and maybe we could get to the bottom of this. “I don’t need to go that far, okay? We talked, had a beer, he rubbed my shoulders. I was venting to him. We went upstairs and we continued to talk. I don’t remember undressing, but all at once, we were done having sex.”

“Well, that’s certainly more than you’ve remembered before,” I said, annoyance clear in my voice. “Look, I know your memory isn’t that great, but this was recent enough I know you remember more. Your recent memories are intact, I know it.”

He looked at me, angry. We weren’t going to fight, though, even if I didn’t know how I was going to get any more out of him.

“Yes, they are intact, and what I’ve told you is what I remember. I’m sorry if you’ve lost your trust in me, but I wouldn’t joke about this, Jacoby. I know how serious this is, okay?”

“It is very serious,” I said, wondering if he truly did understand. “But all I get out of you is that you don’t remember what happened. Did you hit your head during sex?”

He got to his feet, ready to yell at me, when my phone rang. While he stalked downstairs for another cold towel, I spoke to a nurse at the Inglewood ER, who cleared up the misunderstanding and said she’d call in a new prescription for something non-narcotic. I thanked her and left the room, heading for the pharmacy.

“Jimmy, I’m getting you some new pain pills,” I called, as he came out from the kitchen. “Are you coming with?”

“No thanks,” he said, and disappeared upstairs, while I shook my head. “Brian will probably be here when you get back.”

“That’s fine,” I said, and grabbed the keys to his truck. I headed out, placing a call to my orthpod, to let them know I’ll be missing my appointment. They kindly rescheduled me for Tuesday morning, and I thanked them.

The problem with this entire situation is, in a way, to my advantage. Jimmy remembered the peck on the lips I gave Marissa eight years ago. Jimmy and I were going through a rough patch, as he was relapsing for the first time. What he doesn’t seem to have remembered, however, is that it was more than a peck on the lips.

And, if my luck, holds, he’ll keep forgetting that little detail.

Oh my god....COBY!

Makes you want to strangle him, too, no?

I will be posting again during naptime =), so be on the lookout this afternoon for more!

Kinda wanna yeah, stupid men, always led by one thing!