Falling Apart at the Seams (Jimmy/Jacoby)

It's amazing what happens when some people mature, isn't it? =) I don't miss the bitching and whining and "you're making this all up" BS from her. She's a much more pleasant character to write these days.

I have pondered all those stories and thought about seeing if they'd still go anywhere. Of course, if they're just sitting, collecting dust, things don't look good for them, but if they ever do, I'll pop one up =).

I've got to leave to get Lyra here shortly (short shift today and she has story time at 1000), but will probably edit the next chapter when I get home from babysitting (around 1330) and try to get that up this afternoon.

Ooh, yay for updates!

I have folders and folders on my laptop of fics I started and then aborted halfway through in favour of a new idea. Some are abandoned mid-sentence and I can't for the life of me remember where they were going, but I also can't bear to delete them!

8

Well, Christmas Day was going well until the kids decided to play outside after dinner. The weather had settled down, we’d dug out with the help of some neighbors, and had a great dinner. Now, with afternoon upon us, we had intended for the youngest grandchildren to nap and the older ones to dig into board games, books, you name it; we did not plan to be sitting in the Creighton ER.

It’s not for me, by the way, just to calm your nerves. My lungs are good, my back is fine, and there is no cause for concern on my behalf. No, the kids were outside, playing just fine, when Corey comes running inside, tears streaming down his face, screaming about Ava. I was the first one dressed and out the door, Priscilla on my heels to see what was going on.

We found Rhiannon leaning over her cousin, who was sitting on the ground, in tears. There was an overturned sled nearby and it was clear the kids had been sledding down a snow pile created by our cleanup efforts. I don’t suppose I need to tell you what happened, do I? Of course, little Ava wanted to be just like Corey (who has a snowboard here at the house). According to our grandson, she decided to stand up in the sled (which he tried to talk her out of) and when she went down the pile of snow, she fell off halfway, the sled went one way, she went the other, and landed all wrong on her left arm.

“Don’t cry honey,” I soothed her, as a nurse approached with a needle. Randi and Priscilla couldn’t take the screaming, so I said I’d sit with her for a while. “Look at grandpa, okay?”

I shielded her eyes from the approaching needle, singing softly to her as an IV was started in her hand. The break didn’t need surgery, but she wouldn’t let anyone touch the broken limb, even with a shot of pain medication, so she was going to be sedated. Thankfully, Sean has nurses working for him that are experts at putting in IVs with children none the wiser.

“There,” I told her, still shielding her eyes; she wouldn’t take well to a blunt tip needle, either. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Purple,” she hiccupped, as her eyes finally slipped shut. I wiped her face and mine (hey, it’s hard on me, too), and sighed.

“Thanks,” I told Amelia, smiling. “I hate it when kids are hurt.”

“What’d she do?” she asked, discarding her tools. Her kitty cat scrubs were perfect for working with kids and Ava had been fascinated by them for a few seconds.

“Had to be a daredevil. I guess she thought Corey’s snowboard was cool, so she tried to turn the sled into a snowboard. Apparently, she was doing fine until halfway down when she crashed. She flew from the sled and landed wrong on her arm.”

“She’s only the tenth broken arm Dr. Brandt will have set today. I’ll get the purple wrap out and see if I can find a sling.”

I nodded, looking around the purple room. Five years ago, the ER got a major remodel, and all of our ER rooms became real rooms. No more curtained rooms for minor emergencies; those are now reserved for the real big emergencies, as Sean put it. Now, stuff like a broken arm gets a solid, brick and motor room, and each room was painted a different color. Ava had snagged the purple room, one designed for kids. There were kid friendly posters on the ceiling and walls, books handy to read, and games.

“How’s she doing?”

I looked over to see Priscilla standing in the doorway, as I held Ava’s sleeping form on the bed. I didn’t want to move in case she woke up (though this sedative is pretty powerful).

“Fine, now. They gave her a sedative. The doctor should be in soon to set it.”

My daughter settled into a comfortable armchair, running a hand over her face; she was so much like Jacoby in that sense. “Good. I feel terrible, dad.”

I smiled, trying to make her feel better, as the doctor came in with a couple of nurses. “Don’t feel bad, honey. These things happen and she was being a daredevil, after all. But I understand, as I felt terrible when Eliza broke her arm and you broke your leg. It’s all part of being a parent.”

One of the nurses, Kyle, turned to my daughter, as the doctor got everything ready to care for Ava’s arm. A bit more sedative was pushed into the IV and then we were ready.

“Was she at least doing something cool?” he asked and Priscilla laughed a bit.

“Rumor has it she was using a sled as a snowboard and it backfired,” she explained and Kyle flashed his charming smile. “Clearly.”

My daughter visibly relaxed at the attention and I was glad. Everyone in this ER has ‘that thing they’re good at’ and Kyle can always make a parent feel better about something like this. As I said, these things happen, and I’ve been through it twice: Eliza fell out of the tree house attached to their play set and broke her arm when she was five; Priscilla fell off her bike at nine and broke her right leg in three places.

“Okay, mom, grandpa, we’re going to set the bone. If you’re squeamish, now’s the time.”

“We’re both medics, so we’ll be fine,” I assured her, and she nodded, grasping the broken limb. The wrist was bulging in one spot and the middle of her arm was also bulging. “Here we go.”

I watched as the doctor manipulated the broken bones, finally pushing them back into place. I carried Ava down to x-ray and once it was confirmed that the bones were aligned, the doctor quickly placed a long purple cast on her arm.

“We’ll wait until she wakes up, which should be soon, then she can get back home,” Dr. Brandt said, pressing the top of the cast (which stopped at Ava’s shoulder) into place. “I’ll grab a sling for her to wear for a few days to help with the swelling.”

I nodded, as my granddaughter started to stir. Of course, she’d need some pain medication for a few days, but kids bounce back quickly from these things. A broken arm like this would take an adult up to three months to heal; it will take Ava probably around two, since she’s healthy.

“Mommy?”

Priscilla came and switched me spots, taking Ava onto her lap and reaching for a book. “Right here, baby. The doctor got your arm all back together and check out the cool purple cast.”

Ava groggily looked at her arm, yawning and kind of drooling a bit. Sedatives never go well for anyone (I hear I’m particularly entertaining on Ketamine), and I reached for a tissue. While Priscilla read to her groggy daughter, I sent a text to the family still at the farm that all was well and we’d be home soon. We’d been here about two hours and we were all ready to get home.

“How is she?” Randi asked from the doorway, still drying her eyes. Just because she’s a nurse doesn’t mean it’s easy when your child is hurt. Taking the time to calm down in the lobby was the best thing she could’ve done for Ava. “Sorry it took me so long to get back here.”

I patted the arm chair next to me and she settled into it. “Don’t worry about it. When each of our kids was in the ER for anything, I was the one perched in the lobby or at the nurse’s station being calmed while Jacoby took kid duty. Just because you’re trained doesn’t mean it’s easy when it’s your daughter. She did a great job under the sedative and now she’s just waking up. The wrist is broken and the ulna up near the elbow as well.”

Randi nodded, watching her daughter. Marg had joined us for Christmas and was still at the farm, waiting for us to get back. “She doesn’t do anything small.”

We all had a good chuckle at that, as Ava became more awake. “That’s the Sullivan genes in her,” I reminded Randi, as my phone buzzed. “That’s Jo, wanting to know when we’ll be home. I’ll tell her about an hour, hour and a half, since she wants to start supper.”

Supper will be leftovers, of course, but if Jo wants to cook, that’s perfectly fine with me. I watched the door as the doctor came back in, a small black sling in her hands.

“Hi Ava, I’m Dr. Brandt. How are you feeling?”

She sniffled a bit, wiping her eyes with her good hand and looked up at the doctor. “Better. But I don’t like my owie.”

The doctor smiled, as she slipped the little sling over my granddaughter’s head. “Well, because you’re a little girl, your owie will heal much faster than normal. I bet you’ll be right as rain in about two months, okay? Just be very careful with your pretty cast. Don’t get it wet, because it might fall off, and don’t beat anybody up with it, okay?” she asked and Ava nodded, smiling a bit. “Okay, moms, the important parts of cast care, though you probably already know: don’t get it wet, try to keep her from sticking anything down it, watch for tightness due to swelling. If she keeps the sling on for about a week or so, that will help with swelling. I want to see her before you guys leave for California, okay?”

Priscilla nodded, her eyes still examining the cast. Ava’s little thumb was immobilized as well, due to the wrist fracture and I frowned. I know that’s necessary, but it’s just going to make this harder on my granddaughter than it needs to be the next several weeks.

“Sounds good. What about pain control?” Randi asked, snapping into nurse mode; I can tell when it happens.

“I’ll send home a prescription for something safe for her that should help. I’d recommend only giving it to her for a few days, as kids tend to bounce back fairly quick from this stuff. I’ll prescribe a very small amount of the medication and it will have a little bit of codeine in it to help with sleep. Most kids start refusing their pain medication after the first week, but if she’s still in pain, don’t hesitation to give her something, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Priscilla said, and I smiled; she and Randi are so alike, it’s scary. “Is she good to head home now?”

The doctor nodded. “I think so. Just keep an eye on her tonight, as the sedative will make her a little sleepy and may cause her to be off balance for a bit when walking. As long as she’s not acting out of the ordinary for her, don’t be terribly worried. But anything that causes you worry, don’t hesitate to come back.”

From there, we were on our way. We swung through Missouri Valley and got the prescription picked up, then took Ava home. She slept most of the way home and I expected she’d sleep most of the day. According to Jo, Corey was terribly worried, feeling he’d caused the accident, despite assurances that such was not the case.

“We’re home, honey,” Priscilla said, plucking Ava from her booster seat. Her daughter kind of groaned and went back to sleep, causing us all to chuckle a bit; no doubt, the sedative was still in force. “Well, that sedative went right to her little head.”

I laughed, then, as we moved inside. Corey and Rhiannon were outside, making a snowman with their dad and my dad and we waved to them. “She’s fine,” I told Corey, as we approached the porch. “It’s just a broken arm and the medicine they gave her at the hospital is making her sleepy. She’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

He nodded, as his dad called him back over to finish their creation. Priscilla said she was going to tuck Ava into bed and I nodded, as we shed our winter gear. I hate winter, considering it’s cold, you have to wear such bulky gear, and it creates broken bones; sadly, I love it here too much to leave.

“How’d it go?” Marg asked, as she watched the little family head upstairs. Ava would probably sleep in her parent’s room tonight.

“Fine. They had to sedate her, though, since she wouldn’t let them touch her otherwise. She was given pain medication, but it must not have worked well enough,” I said, watching Jo and Alan make noodles; no doubt it’s turkey and noodles for supper tonight. I sighed, moving into the living room and settling into my recliner. Now that we were home, things were catching up.

I couldn’t help but watch as a memory surfaced: me similarly aged to my granddaughter (maybe a bit older) and a daredevil as well. Mom and dad both comforted me in the emergency room later that day after I’d fallen from a tree and broken both arms at the same time. Today, being there for my daughter, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter just re-enforced what I’d lost. I wiped my eyes, remembering how mom had held me on the gurney as they sedated me, and then when I tried to live with two broken arms; it’s not as easy as one might think.

“You okay?”

I looked over at Marg, as she settled on the couch in front of me and nodded. “Yeah.”

Of course, she didn’t believe me, as I stood to retreat to my office. I didn’t get more than five steps before she had me on the couch, holding me tight as I cried. I didn’t really want her near, but at the same time, it was comforting; it felt like my mom was holding me.

“In time, Jimmy, it will get better, I promise. Today, it hurts, because it’s Christmas and your mom isn’t here to celebrate. Tomorrow, it will still hurt. I promise, though, it will get better.”

She was rubbing my back as tears rolled down my face and I thought about my mom; why couldn’t she be here right now? I know she’s in a better place and it’s all for the best and all that garbage, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I leaned into Marg a bit more, as more memories of mom came to mind. I know it’s good to remember her in the good times, but the memories hurt right now. As another wave of tears came on, I felt someone else hug me from the right and let Marg and Jack hold me tight, sure I felt a pair of familiar arms around me from the back, as mom whispered that everything was going to be all right.

*headdesk*

Ava my dear, sled does not equal snowboard. Guess she had to learn that the hard way. Poor kid, ER on Christmas Day, I can't imagine that's pleasant at all, for anyone involved.

Nice family moments again here, Jimmy's Ketamine line had me stifling giggles (Phil's asleep next door).

Spotted a typo too, as the doctor is giving them the go-ahead to take Ava home you have "hesitation" instead of "hesitate".

I thought back to my childhood and the shit we did. I think I was just lucky I never broke anything. Considering the curb in front of my house was pretty tall and we'd ride our bikes right off it, into the street. It's a small town, the street's not that busy, but still.

I loved the family moments here. Esp. in the ER, considering how stressful that must've been. But Jimmy kept it all together and the ER staff was great as usual =).

Yeah, Jimmy was so in control which was quite awesome to see albeit quite unexpected given everything he's going through at the moment.

10

I had to shake my head as I packed our suitcases; it was almost time to go home and I was going to miss the farm. “Gary, I don’t know what to tell you. But you’d better tell them soon, so that there aren’t any surprises later. How much longer until the birth?”

There was a rather lengthy pause and I waited him out. “About three months. She can’t hide it now and her parents know; they were happy. But I’m terrified of telling my parents, Liza. I’m older now; we’ve been together for two years and I plan to propose in a couple of weeks, but what if they kill me?”

I smiled, resisting the urge to chuckle. “Murder is illegal, Garrison. Just tell them, okay? I’ll be home in a couple of days, so I can help with any fall out. But seriously, you have to tell them now. Don’t wait until the baby is born, okay? And after this, please, for the love all that is holy, keep it in your pants!”

My husband was walking into our room at that point and his eyes widened. He pointed to the phone, clearly wondering whom I was scolding. I held up a finger and then returned to the conversation.

“Uhm, okay, Liza. Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes,” he stuttered and hung up.

Shaking my head, I put the phone back into my pocket and turned to my still startled husband. “Just Garrison. He still hasn’t told his parents and the baby is due in about three months.”

That caused my husband to relax and laugh, shaking his head. “That boy. Good advice, there. How’s packing coming?”

“I think I’ve got it all; did Corey and Rhiannon get their stuff together?” I asked and he nodded, as Marianna let out a little whimper from her crib. My parents were prepared for all visits, and I appreciated having a place for her to sleep. This way, I don’t have to bring our Pack N Play, which is bulky and no fun to fly with. “Wanna get her? I’m going to make sure we’ve got all our clothes. We have to be at the airport tomorrow morning at seven, so I want to get the rental loaded tonight.”

Tomorrow would be New Years Day, but tonight was my parent’s party. Their parties were well known out here and all of the neighbors would come to the house. Edgar and his family would be here (he’s got two grandkids now), and there would be all kinds of stuff to do.

“Ewww…Mari, your diapers are nastier than your brother and sister’s were, I swear.”

Laughing, I made a lap around the house, checking the washer and drier, the bathrooms, everywhere we might have clothes. Satisfied that all the clothes were packed and Corey was ready, I returned to the bedroom where Clayton had Marianna ready to go for the day.

“What was on the docket for today?” he asked, carrying our daughter downstairs. Everyone was seated at the table, ready for breakfast. Ava was feeling much better and was examining the cast on her arm.

“We’re not sure,” Jacoby answered, as he and dad brought pancakes, waffles, eggs, sausage, and bacon to the table. Yep, it’s family breakfast time. “But we thought a trip into Omaha might be good, since the interstate is clear as a bell. I think the kids wanted to play outside some more, too, so we’ll make time for that. We do need to do some shopping for tonight, as we need to get some fake bubbly and a few more bags of chips and stuff. Otherwise, there’s going to be a lot of free time today.”

I nodded, settling at the table. I accepted a plate of food and took a couple of pancakes and some bacon. I was good with a free day, as I wanted to go out and take some pictures. I figured Randi and Priscilla would take a day with Randi’s family, so really, a low-key day was good.

“We’re going to Randi’s mom’s house,” Priscilla said, as she doused her pancakes in butter and syrup. How she stays so thin is beyond me…”they’re having family Christmas today.”

“No problem. Are you coming to the party tonight?” Jimmy asked, helping Ava cut her food. I’m sure it’s tough when you’re left handed and that’s the arm you broke.

“Yes, and so is mom,” Randi responded, helping Rhiannon. I love my family. “We’ll probably be back out here around seven or so.”

We fell into a comfortable silence then, as everyone worked on eating. I had no idea what everyone else was doing, but I planned to beg off for a while with the rental and go take pictures. Jo had expressed interest in coming along, and I was going to invite her along. My camera needs a work out from things other than my kids and the area around here is so pretty that I want to capture what I can before we leave for California tomorrow.

“Does anyone care if Jo and I duck out for a bit? We wanted to go take some pictures,” I said, once everything was cleared and the dishwasher loaded and running.

“Go for it,” Jimmy said hugging me. “I think your dad and I are going to run into town and get some stuff for tonight, if anyone wants to come along.”

From there, the family scattered. Priscilla and her family were off to Marg’s house and it seemed a couple people would be staying behind to watch the kids that wanted to play outside; hopefully there won’t be any more broken bones.

“So, were to first?” Jo asked, as we got into the rental. Thankfully, there are four wheel drive cars and the rental place had plenty. It was also warm today, so that helped as we didn’t have to bundle up quite so much.

“I want to start up at Hollister’s, if you don’t mind. They have a great view of the horizon up there and I’ve taken pictures there several times.”

Jo nodded, making sure her camera was ready as I drove the mile and a half to the McIntosh farm. They still raise horses up here and I know Jimmy goes riding whenever he can; it keeps him calm. Though with his COPD advancing a bit (and I’ve really noticed it while we’ve been home), he might have to cut back.

“Okay, here we are,” I said, parking in the driveway. Like my parents, Hollister and Randy had purchased and re-built an old rundown farm out here in no man’s land, as it’s known. This house was much bigger and needed less work, but it’s still amazing.

“Wow,” Jo breathed, as we got out. She was looking at the three story house, which was painted lavender (Hollister’s favorite color). There was a wraparound porch, at least three acres, and in short the house was amazing.

“I know. It’s almost a hobby out here, buying the rundown homes and rebuilding them,” I explained, leading her toward the back. “You should see some of the other houses out here.”

Jo nodded, as we started snapping pictures. There was still plenty of snow on the tree branches and there were some icicles hanging from the barn roofs. After a few shots, I turned to my aunt and she nodded, as we returned to the car. There were some more private and secluded places we could shoot, too, so I was ready to move on.

“You’re worried about your dad.”

That kind of came out of left field. I nodded, because why lie and say otherwise? I was very worried about Jimmy.

“Yeah, I am. I know that he’s been through significant losses before, with Grandma Shaddix, Grandma Marks and Grandpa Marks, but this was his real mom, you know? I know that it hurts me, too, because she was my grandma and all, it hurts him more. I’m just afraid he’s going to relapse or something and daddy won’t be able to help him this time. I don’t want to lose him to his previous addictions. Plus, his COPD is getting worse, and I know that’s stress at play.”

She took my hand once I’d pulled into a field entrance and I turned to her. “That’s normal, honey. And I think you’re right to worry. But the thing about Jimmy is that he’s so much stronger than people think. Right now, he’s got some time off work, but when he goes back, he drowns himself in work. That’s not the best way deal with things, but it’s how your dad deals with things. In time, he’ll come around, just as he did after he lost Eleanor, Hank, and my sister. He just needs more time than most people and you have to remember, you grandma just passed in August, so it hasn’t been very long anyway.”

I nodded, considering it was only December; no doubt dad was still hurting. “I guess…is it easier for grandkids to move forward? I still miss her like crazy and I’m still mourning her, but not like dad, you know? I visit her grave quite often, just to keep it looking neat and stuff. I leave her flowers sometimes, or sit and talk to her.”

“And there’s the difference between you and your dad: you live in California and can go to the grave whenever you want; Jimmy will only get to visit her during their annual trip to California in July. So, while you have a direct connection, if you will, to your grandma, your dad doesn’t. The distance is amplified in situations like this, and I saw this with Jacoby as well. He was able to move forward as the years went by, but I don’t know if Jimmy will be so lucky. The distance is tearing him to pieces; he just won’t admit that to anyone.”

I know she was right about that; dad was falling to pieces, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. Grandpa had actually confessed to me that he’d thought about having grandma cremated so Jimmy could have a bit of her, but she’d insisted during their talks that she be buried in their pre-purchased plot. He also confessed that he’d briefly pondered having her buried in Iowa, but again, knew that wasn’t what she wanted, either. I guess they were both concerned about Jimmy’s mental health after her passing.

“Grandpa did say he thought having grandma cremated so dad could have some of her, but she didn’t want that. He also briefly considered having her buried here, but knew that wasn’t right, either. I just don’t want dad to break, that’s all, you know? He’s getting close to retirement, but I don’t want that forced upon him, either. I don’t know what to do.”

Jo smiled, as we got out of the car, heading for the open field ahead of us. The sun was just at the right height and I knew it would be setting soon, since the afternoon had kind of gotten away from us. Coming around the front of the rental, she pulled me into a hug for a moment, then pulled back.

“Just let him be. Be there for him however you can, but don’t push his recovery. Jacoby assures me Jimmy is seeing his therapist three times a week and she’s helping a lot. He’s probably going to get an adjustment to his depression meds, but over all, he’s being well cared for. Just be there for him.”

I nodded, moving forward and aiming for a particularly interesting shot of an eagle perched on a branch. I caught him as he flew off and smiled; maybe I could frame that for dad yet tonight before we headed back home tomorrow.

***

“Promise to let us know when you all get home?” my dad asked and I nodded, as he hugged me. His blue eyes were troubled, and I knew he didn’t want to say goodbye. “Ava, take good care of that arm, okay?”

She nodded, patting the little sling that she still wore. Things were healing nicely, but it would still be a few weeks. With one more hug for everyone, I waved at dad and Jacoby as we all moved through security and into the terminal proper. I didn’t want to go home, but it was time; we all had our lives in California now and we had to get back to them. I just hope dad can handle us being gone.

I turned one more time just before the entrance to the airport disappeared out of sight and sighed; Jacoby was walking dad out, but I could tell he was crying. I think having everyone home helped him forget, for a couple of weeks, that his mom was gone.

“Come on, Liza,” a gentle voice said and I turned toward my grandpa. He still uses the cane, but doesn’t need it so much anymore; that hip did him good. “He’ll be okay, I promise. We talked and he’s getting help. It’s hard for him as it’s hard for all of us, but he’ll be okay. We’ll miss our flight if we don’t get going.”

I nodded, following grandpa toward our gate. We were all checked in and now it was time to board that plane and get home. When we’d joined everyone else at the gate, my son looked at me, with those Sullivan blue eyes and smiled.

“Mom, can I come stay with grandpa this summer?” he asked, hope in his eyes.

“We’ll see,” I told him. “But we’ve got to talk to grandpa first and see when school gets out and all that jazz, okay? It’s only January, honey, so don’t get too excited right now.”

He nodded, his smile never fading and I envied him a bit. He’d only known his great-grandmother for ten years, not long enough to get overly attached, it seemed. He saw her almost every day, but he never seemed that close to her; her death was nothing more than ‘something that happened’ to him. But I had memories, years of memories, and for me it was not so easy.

Sinking into a chair, I tried to cheer up. Dad would be okay and so would all of us. We’d had an amazing Christmas, boxes would be waiting at home for us with the gifts we’d gotten and life would go on. But I knew I had to visit grandma as soon as I could, just so we could talk. I need that, even if it was very one-sided; I missed her and I just wanted to talk to her one last time.

Eliza seems like she's struggling a bit, poor girl. Her grandmother's death is obviously affecting her too.

I loved her conversation with Gary at the start, keep it in your pants indeed. Can't believe he hasn't told Zach and Gena yet, although I'm quite sure they probably know already and are just waiting for him to man up!

That scene with Gary made me momentarily wish I did this in 3rd person. Just so I could have a scene with Z and Gena going "when is he going to tell us? That poor girl is so obviously pregnant." and ZV going "He'll man up eventually. Might have our second grandchild by then, but you know, he'll come around." Or something like that.

I think Eliza is struggling more than she'll admit. Between her grandmother's passing and Jimmy, she's under more stress than she cares to admit. But she's a Shaddix and this is how they deal with things; and I think she's better at her than her parents!

11

I watched as Jimmy rubbed his left ear and frowned; he’s been getting earaches lately and I don’t know why. I want him to get checked out, but he has so far refused. It’s not worrying, necessarily, but most adults I know aren’t prone to ear infections and if he has one, we need to get it dealt with quickly. Shaking my head, I listened to him sniffle then sneeze and wondered if he was just plain getting sick. We were two days from his birthday and I had quite a day planned for us, if he was well enough. He was in good spirits for our 43rd wedding anniversary (where did 43 years go?) and I had hoped for the same for his birthday.

“Jimmy? You okay?” I asked, pulling on my boots. I was heading in for work and was going to be late if I didn’t get going. We’d had some snow overnight, so I was leaving a little early.

“Yeah,” he croaked out, nodding his head. He proceeded to rub his temples and sniffle again, then let out one hell of a cough. “Just a cold.”

I shook my head; no wonder he was up at 0600: he couldn’t breathe and so then he couldn’t sleep. I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was now 0605 and I had an hour before I had to be at work. I could wait for him to get dressed and Dr. Sullivan (no relation) could see him before she did rounds upstairs.

“Get dressed, Jim. You’re not going to work today and I don’t want you driving yourself. I’ll take you in to see Dr. Sullivan and then get someone to bring you home.”

He grumbled, but since he was already losing his voice, I barely heard him. He moved upstairs while I fed the cats and five minutes later, as dressed as he was going to get in his pajamas and some boots, we were on our way.

“I feel like hell,” he complained, reaching for a tissue. I kept a box of them on the seat and I watched as he attempted to blow his nose. “That was pointless.”

The only reason I’m panicking over a cold (and I know some of you are screaming at me to calm the fuck down, it’s just the sniffles) is because his colds never stay colds for long; in a couple of days, we’ll be dealing with pneumonia and if we can catch it now, we’re better off. I can also hear you all going ‘but doesn’t he get a pneumonia shot?’. Yes, he does, but he still gets at least one bout of pneumonia per year anyway.

“Hopefully we can catch this before it becomes pneumonia,” I told him, as I took the exit for Omaha. “Or are we too late?”

“It’s hard saying,” he whispered, his voice gone. I listened to him cough, noting how congested his lungs sounded. I hate winter and even though this has been a relatively mild winter, it’s still been hard on him. He’s had a couple of bad colds but this is his first worrisome cold so far. “I just feel like hell, that’s all I know.”

I pulled up to Creighton a few minutes later and got a nice spot close to the door, as far as employee parking is concerned. Jimmy needed extra time to walk, but that was fine with me. He’s still wearing his mask outdoors and I was glad he remembered to grab it. At this point, I think I’m just going to check him into the ER and call it good; he can barely breathe now that we’re nearing the door. I grabbed a wheelchair and moved him toward the check in area.

“Racheal!” I called, flagging down our main dispatcher. I handed her my badge and she nodded. “Check me in? Tell Sean I’ll be back shortly.”

“Will do, Jacoby. Keep us updated.”

I nodded, going through the check-in process. Jimmy’s been hospitalized so much over the last 43 years, he’s in the system and gets checked in quickly these days. In no time at all, Jimmy had a room and I promised to stay with him.

“Go work,” he told me, as Sean came in, his face set in a frown. “I’ll be fine.”

Our boss shook his head, his graying hair moving only slightly. “I’ll stay with him. I’ve already called Dr. Sullivan and she’s on her way.”

I nodded, already accustomed to leaving my husband in capable hands while I worked. Sean had no doubt already kept me inside until Jimmy was taken care of, so I had nothing to worry about. I watched Dr. Sullivan rush in and pointed to Jimmy’s room; she nodded and hurried right in.

“What’s up with Jimmy?” Racheal asked, as I helped hold up the nurse’s station. No doubt, the morning commute would soon bring accidents as people realized “hey! it snowed!” and then forgot how to drive in it. “He looks terrible.”

I nodded, rubbing my face. “He got up at six, as I was getting ready to leave. He was rubbing his ear, sniffling, sneezing, coughing. I’d say it’s just a cold, but he hasn’t had a bout of pneumonia yet, and this might be the one. The shot has worked better this year than most, but I still worry.”

“Hopefully it’s just bronchitis or something. I mean, if the shot has worked so far, then that bodes well for it to continue working.”

I nodded, as the tones sounded on her console. All of us were getting older, nearing retirement age (if any of us cared to retire, of course), but the tones still incited that moment of nervousness before the report came over. Sure enough the morning commute was off to a smashing start. What? I thought it was funny.

“Coby?” Sean called and I turned, realizing that I hadn’t paid one bit of attention to Jimmy’s room. “The doctor wants to talk to you.”

I moved toward the green room, noting that Jimmy was still in his pajamas. There were no IVs, but he did have oxygen on, which wasn’t a surprise. I saw the chest x-ray up on the board and was relieved that his lungs looked clear.

“The good news is that he doesn’t have pneumonia,” the doctor began and I nodded, relieved. “It’s just a good old fashioned case of bronchitis with a very minor exacerbation of his COPD and the beginning of an ear infection. I’m going to monitor him for another hour or so down here in the ER but he can go home. I’m going to send him home on oxygen, however, so I’ll send Lincare over with the equipment. I want you on four liters all day for the next five days. I’ll re-check you then and we’ll talk about reducing the oxygen amount. In the mean time, let me get you a prescription for the antibiotic you’ll be taking the next fourteen days as well as the ear drops you’ll need.”

“Thanks,” I said, as the doctor moved out of the room. She was in a hurry, and I suspected she had a busy day ahead of her. “Well, that’s good news.”

Jimmy nodded, coughing. “Yeah.” He looked over at Sean and opened his mouth, but our boss shook his head smiling.

“I know; you’re calling in sick, right?” Jimmy nodded, and I laughed. “You’re excused. I want you off for five days, got me? No coming back until the doctor clears you.”

He offered a thumbs up and I laughed again. “I’ll take you home when the doctor clears you, okay? Mean time, I better go help with the morning accidents that are piling up. Holler if you need me.”

Jimmy gave me a look and I smiled, nodding. “I’ll croak as loud as I can,” he promised, pulling in a deep breath. Bronchitis is easier to deal with than pneumonia and he gets over it faster. I’m more worried about the oxygen.

“Okay, prescription to be filled on the way home and Lincare will be at the house at three. Will someone be there with you?”

“I’ll call Hollister and see if she can come down,” I promised, taking my phone out. I sent her a quick text and one to Marg as well and then turned back to the doctor. “Is the oxygen therapy going to be permanent?”

She took a moment before answering me. “I don’t know yet. Let’s see how this clears up first.”

That wasn’t the answer I wanted, but it would do for now. “That’s a good idea.”

The doctor excused herself then, and I turned to Jimmy. “Hollister and Marg are on my possible list, so once I know who’s staying with you, I’ll let you know.”

He nodded, drifting to sleep; breathing problems always wore him out. I returned to the ER bay, waiting on a return text and hoping this would indeed clear up quickly.

***

Yawning, I made my way inside. Work was busy today and I was glad I had tomorrow off. Marg was able to stay with Jimmy and it seemed they’d had a good day. Glancing at the snow-covered sidewalk, I decided I could scoop it tomorrow and made my way inside.

“Hey Coby, supper’s almost ready,” Randi’s mom said, as I shrugged out of my coat and took off my boots. “Grab a shower and we’ll be ready to eat. Jimmy’s in the living room reading a book.”

I nodded, waving at my husband as I came up the stairs and into the kitchen. There was an oxygen concentrator next to the chair and I could see a portable unit near the hall tree. It’s been a few years since we last had an oxygen user in the house, but we knew what to do.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, as he put his book down. He was still in his pajamas and I had a feeling Marg had been unable to get him to shower, so I’d have to work on that tomorrow.

He waved his hand at me in a so-so gesture and I nodded, kissing his slightly sweaty forehead; he must have a fever this time around. He hugged me a bit, then released me so I could shower. The house smelled amazing and I saw that one of Jimmy’s candles was on the warmer. How that man isn’t allergic to candles is beyond me.

“Come on Coby!”

I finished dressing after my quick shower, then hurried downstairs. Marg had the table set, with a big pot of her famous chili on the table. There was also homemade bread (probably from the dough that Jimmy keeps frozen downstairs) and I was eager to start eating. Hopefully Jimmy has an appetite, something else that plagues him when he’s sick.

“I just made chili and I made it a bit spicier at Jimmy’s request. Now, sit and eat boys.”

I was quick to ladle a good helping of the soup into my bowl, grinning; Randi learned to cook from her mom and everyone loves Marg’s food.

“Thanks for staying with Jimmy, Marg,” I said, filling Jimmy’s bowl when he handed it to me. I then sliced him some bread, glad he seemed interested in eating for a change. “It’s appreciated.”

“No problem. The oxygen company got here around five, which was perfect timing, and they got him all set up quickly. I even knew the gal that came,” she said, accepting her full bowl of soup and some bread. “Angela will be your main contact and her name is on the fridge. Jimmy’s got 50’ of oxygen tubing, so we can park the concentrator down here and he can move all over the house with it. The portable is good for four hours, so you can take that out and not have to worry about anything.”

“Sounds good,” I told her, swallowing my first bite. It was a bit spicier than usual, but it was good. “Good do.”

She smiled, as we settled in quietly to eat. “Thanks. Always glad to help, you know that. Now that I’m retired, I have nothing to do, because I have plenty of time to get things done. If you need anything the next few days, just holler.”

Jimmy smiled at her, wiping his mouth. “Thanks. I imagine I will need something when Jacoby’s at work this week,” he whispered and I realized just how gone his voice was. His sinuses were also a little swollen, so I figured he’d gotten a triple whammy with a sinus infection as well.

Knowing I was in for a rough few days, I tried to enjoy this down time while I had it. Jimmy is never a good patient, and he’s only getting worse as he gets older (go figure). At least this time it wasn’t pneumonia and we can relax a bit. With a smile, I returned to my meal and relaxed; things were going to be fine.

Poor Jimmy, another winter of infections threatening. Kinda makes you wish they could do lung transplants or something like that. Hopefully though, by what the doctor said, they've caught it all early enough to stop it turning into something really nasty.

This is why Jimmy hates winter; he's sick 99% of the time =(. They can do lung transplants but only for the dying, mostly, who are guaranteed to benefit from it. Sadly, he doesn't quite qualify, even this far down the road.

I'm writing well ahead, of course, and some fun things are taking place...some expected, some normal, and some surprises =)

You are such a tease, seriously! I can understand that this is going to put a serious spin on Jimmy's thinking towards moving to California, since the weather will benefit his health. I just hope that's this isn't his only consideration, but I'm sure it won't be.

As always, I'm so caught up in this story, I love Jimmy and Jacoby!

But it's fun being a tease! >=)

And I totally failed to update yesterday =( . I worked 09-17, then got caught up with supper and being tired. I will update today and tomorrow to make up for it!

12

I don’t know how close all of you are with your parents, but the Shaddix’s are a pretty close bunch. We talk frequently in some form (email, phone, etc.), and we are always in the know of each other’s lives. For instance, as soon as dad was diagnosed with bronchitis last month, we all knew about it. We were also kept abreast of his recovery and how he was dealing with being off work for a few days. He got over that, and over the last few weeks, we’re always in the know of everything.

But something strange happened last night that I can’t explain. I had a dream and I’m not one to put a lot of stock in dreams, okay? They’re not diversions from reality, but I never believed in premonition dreams or anything of that nature. But this dream was creepy to the max and I couldn’t help but consult with my parents on it. What gave me the chills is their response:

Cilla,

Your dad and I had the exact same dream. We’re just as puzzled as you and currently trying to decide if it means anything or is just a creepy dream. If you figure anything out or hear anything, let us know.

Well, all that told me was that my parents had the same creepy dream I did. Shuddering, I replied that I’d let them know, but right now, I knew nothing. With a shake of my head, I checked the time; two hours until Ava gets out of school. I grabbed my keys and decided it was time to visit the subject of my creepy dream.

Ten minutes later, I pulled into grandpa’s driveway and hurried into the house. He was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and lowered it when I walked in, smiling at me. He looked healthy enough, but now I was worried.

“Good afternoon, Cilla, wasn’t expecting anyone today. What’s up?” he asked, as I sat next to him. I kicked my shoes off, then propped my feet on his coffee table. “You look worried, is something wrong with your dad?”

This is the common question, of course, given Jimmy’s past history of mental health problems. But I shook my head, afraid to tell him what was wrong, even though I can tell him anything.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, I’m afraid,” I admitted, looking over at the last picture taken of grandma and grandpa. It was taken at church, when all parishioners had their pictures taken and grandma looked so healthy in it. “I uhm, had a disturbing dream and so did my parents and Eliza.”

Grandpa raised his eye brows, turning to look at me. “Go on.”

I slid the sleeves of my hoodie down my arms and clenched my fists. “Are you still healthy, grandpa? Because in the dream you died.”

There was a moment of silence and grandpa actually looked shocked. I began to wonder if I should’ve said anything, when he hugged me.

“I’m not going anywhere for a long time, I promise. I know I’m getting up there in years, of course, but I’m in good shape and healthy. I miss your grandmother like you wouldn’t believe, but I’m really doing okay without her. I wouldn’t count me out for a long time to come,” he told me, but there was something to his tone of voice that suggested it was just to make me feel better. “Though it is strange that you all had the same dream like that. Your grandmother use to believe that dreams foretold the future and I always thought she was crazy. But she dreamt about her cancer diagnosis and death, Cilla, which I’ve never told anyone. I certainly hope the dream you’ve all had does not predict the future…I’m certainly not ready to leave this earth.”

He held me tight for a moment and I sighed. “I’m sorry, grandpa, but it was so weird and it’s so strange that we all had the exact same dream like that, on the same night. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He smiled, as we parted and he took my hand. “I am just fine, honey, don’t worry. I never believed in premonitions, despite your grandmother’s strange dreams. I am going to be around for at least a few more years, I promise.”

“That’s good to know,” I told him, smiling. I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized it was getting time to pick Ava up from preschool. “Want to come along to get Ava from school, grandpa?”

He nodded, smiling, as he stood with a little help. The cane is a mere formality now after the new hip, but he still needs it for balance a bit. I waited while he got his shoes on and then we made our way out to the car. It was nice knowing grandpa planned on being around a few more years, though no one in the family has lived to see 100 yet that I know of.

“Grandpa!”

A few minutes later, Ava was wrapped around her great-grandfather’s legs, smiling widely. Her arm is as good as new and the cast is sitting in a sealed bag, pinned to her wall (at her request). It took about six weeks, but you’d never know she had a broken arm this winter. She does have to be a little careful still, but over all she’s back to normal.

“Hey Ava!” he said, as she scrambled into the car. I buckled her in and then went around to drive. “How about some ice cream?”

That’s my grandpa, always spoiling us rotten. But how can I turn down ice cream? I made my way toward the Pier, placing grandpa’s placard on the mirror. Yes, we still have those damn things, since modern medicine still can’t cure most disabilities. We’re closer to curing many things, but people still have problems walking.

“Yay! Ruby’s!” Ava cheered, taking my hand as soon as she was out of the car. It was a bit of a long walk, but grandpa seemed to be up to it. “What are you going to have grandpa?”

“I don’t know yet,” he told her, taking her hand. She’d want to swing, but not with grandpa. “What are you going to have?”

She looked thoughtful, her bright green eyes taking in the Pier. It was cool out today, so not many people had ventured out. “I think I want a raspberry shake!”

That was, of course, her favorite and I figured she’d get that. Her birth father loves raspberry shakes and so does her birth grandfather. She’s such a little Baker and yet such a little Sullivan/Shaddix as well. It’s kind of neat what a mix of the families she’s grown up with.

“And you, Cilla?” grandpa asked and I pondered that. “You never could decide.”

Entering the restaurant, I smiled when I heard the 50s music playing and took in the 50s décor. As we walked in, I decided on my treat, and figured I’d decided in record time compared to usual.

“I want a mocha shake,” I said and grandpa smiled, praising my suddenly fast decision making skills.

“Good afternoon, welcome to Rubys,” one of the waitresses said, directing us to a table. “What can I get for you?”

“I need a kids raspberry shake, a large coffee shake, and a large mocha shake,” grandpa said, smiling. “And two cups of coffee with a kids chocolate milk.”

That really made Ava smile and I found myself thinking how lost we’d be without grandpa. No more after school time at Ruby’s, no more anything. But, if grandpa was right, I didn’t have anything to worry about for a few more years.

***

So far, it seems the dreams were nothing more than that: dreams. Grandpa is doing fine, as spring comes to California. Ava’s fifth birthday was fast approaching and I was coordinating my parent’s arrival for that. They’d be staying with grandpa as usual, and I was glad Ava had been born right at the very end of June. That way, they can come out for her birthday and spend July as usual. This year, they were flying in on June 27th, which was the Saturday before her birthday.

“When are my grandparents coming?” Ava asked, as I finalized the guest list. Randi was still at work, working a little overtime to cover someone who’d called in.

“They’ll be here on Saturday,” I assured her, glancing down at her. She was working on her shapes right now in preschool and had to do a short worksheet on them. She already knows her shapes, of course, but this was good reinforcement for her. “How’s that worksheet coming?”

“All done!” she exclaimed, holding it up for me to see. I checked it over and nodded. “They’re all right?”

I smiled, rubbing the top of her head, which she hated. “They’re perfect. Go put that in your bag, okay?”

She ran off to put the paper away, as my phone rang. It was Eliza and I was worried; she’s usually at work now, so something must be up.

“What’s up?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“Garrison asked me to call you: he’s just become the father of a baby girl. They named her Vanessa Rae Baker. She was seven pounds, ten ounces and twenty inches long, healthy as can be. Mother and baby are doing just fine.”

“That’s great!” I exclaimed, all previous nervousness gone. Garrison had finally told his parents in February about the baby and while not thrilled, they were okay with things. “Congratulate them for us, okay?”

“Will do,” she promised, as Ava came back into the dining room.

“Who was that, mommy?” she asked, crawling into a chair next to me. The tall gene did not get handed down to her.

“That was Eliza. Garrison has a little baby girl now.”

Her face lit up and she looked at me eagerly. “When can we see her?”

I shook my head; this kid loves babies. “When she’s been home for a few days, okay? She’s going to be very tired and cranky the first few days, so let’s give her some time to relax, okay?”

While she was visibly disappointed, she nodded, her smile returning when she recognized Jimmy’s ringtone on my phone. After pressing ‘answer’, I handed it to her.

“Hi grandpa! Garrison had a baby!”

I had to stifle my laugh, reminding myself that she knew nothing of the ‘birds and the bees’ as it were. I gave her time to talk to dad, then accepted the phone from her.

“Hey dad,” I greeted him, smiling, as Ava went into the backyard. It was fenced in, so she was safe out there. The weather was nice enough, though, that I decided to sit outside with her. “What’s up?”

“Garrison had a baby, huh? Quite a feat for a guy,” he joked, making me laugh. Of course, for dad, it wasn’t a joke, it was reality; it still surprises me that my dad gave birth to me. “Anyway, my congratulations to the new parents. I was just letting you know our flight gets on Saturday at nine in the morning.”

I already knew that and was confused. “I know; you called the other day with the time of the flight.”

There was a pause, and I cranked up the umbrella to block the sun. “I did?”

I nodded. “Yep. You called on Monday.”

“Oh. I don’t remember that,” he said, sounding upset. “Oh well, at least you have the info for sure now. Jacoby should have sent our packages, by the way, so we don’t have to fly with them.”

I heard the doorbell and told Ava to stay in the yard. “That might be your package, hold on.”

Opening the front door, I signed for the box and brought it in, checking the address. “Was that us?” dad asked and I nodded, confirming verbally as well. “Good. We’re ready to get out there. Sean’s got everything in line for us to be gone, so that’s a good thing as well.”

He was kind of repeating himself, but I put it out of my mind. He has memory problems and this has happened before.

“That’s good. Randi and I are off this coming week so we’ll be able to spend that with you. Ava is very excited to have you here,” I told him, returning to the back porch. Ava was on the swing set, swinging to her heart’s content. “I wish it was Saturday.”

“Me, too,” he lamented. “But it’s close. Today is Thursday, so it’ll be here before we know it.”

“I know. It’ll be a good party, too; I think I invited half of HB!” I laughed, and dad laughed as well. “Well, I’ll see you guys on Saturday, then?”

“See you then,” he agreed and we hung up.

I watched my daughter play and smiled; the things I’d achieved in my life to this point were totally worth it. My daughter was turning five on Monday and I was happily married. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

Yay for Gary finally having the stones to tell his folks about the baby, about time too.

That dream was rather unsettling, I got a bit spooked by everyone having the same dream, but hopefully, as Cilla says, it was just a dream. *is slightly un-nerved*

I hope Jimmy's okay, his little memory lapses seem to be happening more often now, or is that just me?

I wanted to pat Gary on the back for finally growing a pair, lol!

The dream thing did bother me...I thought it was an interesting plot point to work with.

Jimmy's memory was, of course, bound to get worse as he got older. Where we are now he's 63, but it's a good plot point.

I hadn't intended for the story to take this direction, but I have long since learned I have no control over these guys and their families! *laughs*

13

July 1st, 2044

Flying has never been fun, but flying with a broken leg is even less fun. Now, I know you’re all wondering what happened, but I’m afraid the story just isn’t that exciting. I’d love to say I was roller skating, boating, ice skating, something fun like that. But sadly, the story is simply that I am a klutz through and through. No, I was not doing anything more exciting than walking downstairs from the bedroom and I tripped over Oliver and Eleanor, both of whom had taken up residence halfway upstairs.

Don’t believe me? I’m being honest and Jacoby will back me up here. It happened two days ago and I broke the two bones in the shin, right below my knee. That means, of course, eight to twelve weeks with a cast halfway up my thigh and crutches. And I hate crutches. Thankfully, I don’t have much pain or swelling, but I still have to keep it elevated when possible. The doctor didn’t want me to go on vacation, but I told him I refuse to miss my granddaughter’s fifth birthday. He compromised as long as I promised to visit an orthopod of his choosing out here at the two and four week points. I agreed, especially when he picked dad’s doctor.

“What the hell?!” a voice screeched, as we came off the elevator. Thankfully, airports have wheelchairs and I was utilizing one. It’s hard to hop on one leg from the gate to the baggage claim, trust me. And the screecher was my daughter Priscilla, who had come to meet us with my father. “What did you do?!”

I smiled, as Jacoby got our bags, flexing my toes a bit. I hate the immobility of the cast, but it’s for the best for the next few weeks. “I’ll tell you the story on our way home,” I promised her, noting that she looked quite upset. “And we apologize for not telling you before now, but things were busy after I broke my leg and we didn’t get time to call anyone but the neighbors.”

Shaking her head, my daughter helped us get suitcases and then said to wait while she brought the car around. It was a Saturday and I wondered where Ava was, but concluded she was with Randi. It was just as well, because she’s going to have a LOT of questions when she sees me.

“Ready?” Jacoby asked and I nodded, standing. He helped me balance as I got the crutches under me (this is not as easy as it was when I was 24!) and started forward. My leg was aching a bit, but not terribly bad, thankfully. I knew I had a story to tell, but wanted to tell it as few times as possible. “You sit in front, that will be easier for you leg.”

I shook my head, heading for the backseat. “No, it’s easier for dad in the front,” I protested, figuring I’d just hoist my old butt (hey, I’m 62!) into the nearest seat. After all, bench seats are long gone in vans, so I’ll be fine. “I’m okay, Coby, I promise.”

I settled into the back as my husband smiled and shook his head. While he helped load bags, I worked to get comfortable in the seat. During the fall, my back had taken a beating as well (my chiro was unhappy, in case you were wondering) so that still hurts a bit as well. Thankfully, in preparation for retirement, we got a more open insurance policy and can now go anywhere we want and have coverage. So, the chiropractor I see here in California is covered and the orthopod will be as well.

“So, what happened?” Priscilla asked as she moved out into traffic. Now the fun part begins: getting from Los Angeles to Huntington Beach. “Something exciting? Something at work?”

I started laughing, massaging the exposed skin at the top of the cast. “I wish it was that exciting. Sadly, I tripped over Oliver and Eleanor, both of whom were perched on the stairs. I didn’t see them, was running down the stairs and down I went. I heard my leg break on the way down. I managed to fuck up my back as well.”

“Wow, you certainly don’t do anything small, do you, dad?” she asked and I laughed, even if the gesture hurt a bit.

“No, I certainly don’t. I even have to see the doctor while we’re out here. I’ll probably get a new cast while we’re out here, as it’s a bit swollen still. The injury just happened on Thursday, so I’ve got a few long weeks ahead of me.”

I caught dad nodding upfront, as the pain pill I’d had just before takeoff started to wear off. It’s not that I have no pain, but I don’t have a lot of pain. Now, my leg is really starting to hurt and I glanced over at Jacoby.

“Pain pill?” he asked, and I nodded. “Here.”

We’re keeping the pain pills in a lock box, of course, because they’re narcotics and I can’t be trusted. I didn’t want to take narcotic pain medication, but we tried something milder and it did nothing, so Vicoden it was. You all might remember the horrific sunburn I had a few years ago when I refused Vicoden with all I had; this is a much different situation. Of course, the lock box is packed so Jacoby is keeping them in his pocket for now.

“Thanks.”

Dad handed me a bottle of water and I swallowed the much needed pain remedy. Of course, we’re all alert for signs of addiction, but I’m doing fine so far. By next week I should be able to go without the pills more often and by two weeks, I should be off them completely.

“Jimmy, we’re home,” Jacoby said, and I blinked, rubbing my eyes. I honestly don’t remember falling asleep, but that’s the Vicoden for you. “You awake enough to walk?”

I blinked at him, not quite sure I understood the question. God I hate what narcotics do to my brain. I felt myself moving, but I was feeling very detached at the moment, and I have no idea if I was actually moving or not.

“Sleep it off, honey, and I’ll come check on you in a bit.”

Yep.

***

Have you ever fallen asleep in one place and woken up in another? You know that feeling of disorientation? Ugh, is all I have to say to that. I don’t remember where I last fell asleep but this is not the farm and it is not an airplane. In fact, I have absolutely no idea where I am right now. I sat up a bit, realizing that I was in bed and my leg was elevated. So, that’s something, at least. I blinked to clear the sleep from my eyes and then grabbed my phone: 1845. The sun is still shining, but it’s a bit dark in here, wherever here is.

“Hey Jim.”

I finally started to get my bearings, realizing that the room was dark because the curtains were pulled. Jacoby smiled as he came over to me and I started to figure out where I was.

“You’re in your room at your dad’s house,” he reminded me and I nodded, settling when I realized he was right. “A little disorientated?”

I nodded, rubbing my eyes again. “Yeah, a bit. I think it’s just the medication.”

He didn’t look convinced, and all at once, he nearly crushed me with a hug. “I love you,” he told me, and puzzled, I returned the sentiment. He held me for a moment before sitting back, a wobbly smile on his face. “Well, we should probably get downstairs. Your dad insisted on ordering your favorite Chinese take out tonight.”

“That sounds good,” I said, wondering if I should ask about his sudden display of affection. Not that we aren’t affectionate, but that seemed like a ‘if I don’t do this now, I’ll never get to again’ kind of hug; I’m not dying, I just broke my leg. “I love you, too.”

He smiled, as I stood up, balancing a bit on the crutches before I moved forward. We’re both still in good athletic shape (a must for our jobs), but have I mentioned that these things suck? The stairs were a bit airy for me (I’m still a bit nervous, even though dad’s cats don’t sleep on the stairs), but I made it. I smiled when I saw my dad and gave him a proper hug this time.

“Feeling better?” he asked, as the doorbell rang. He was walking quite well, I noticed and I was glad he’d had the new hip.

“Much better,” I admitted, getting out plates. We just do things buffet style on days like this which makes life easier. “That smells amazing!”

Of course, this is my favorite Chinese place, so of course it smells amazing. Jacoby helped with the bags (dad must think we’re starving or something!) and I was glad to finally make my plate. All my favorites went onto my plate, which Jacoby helpfully carried it to the table. I settled in, placing my leg up on an empty chair, hoping to relieve some swelling that had occurred since I got up.

I then stared at that chair, realizing who should be sitting there. I couldn’t help the tears that started falling, as I felt dad’s arm around my shoulders, rubbing them.

“I’m sorry, dad,” I blubbered, accepting a tissue from Jacoby. Mom always kept them on the table and dad does now, too, which didn’t help.

“Don’t be sorry, Jim,” he told me as I scooted closer to him, keeping my leg on mom’s chair. “We’re all still dealing with her loss and over time it will get easier, but it’s going to take time. It’s okay to grieve like this; I still do.”

I looked over at him, wondering if he meant that. “You do? I mean, of course you do. But you just seem to be so much stronger than me.”

He shook his head, holding me tighter. “No, Jim, I’m not stronger than you. I have times at night when I cry like this or at the table in the morning. Little things bring her loss to light, even if I don’t want them to. It happens, though, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Her one year is going to be here before we know it and that’s going to be a tough day.”

I nodded, wiping my nose and face. “I know. We’re going to be here for it, too. I just…sometimes it’s so hard to believe she’s gone, you know?”

Dad nodded, rubbing my back again; it felt good, almost like mom was rubbing it instead. “I know. And I know that, in five or six years, our pain will lessen, but we’ve got to get through the first year first. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, okay?”

“I won’t,” I promised, as we parted. Dad stayed nearby, though, as I composed myself and we started to eat. “I love you, dad.”

“I love you, too,” he said, smiling.

I don't know what else to say other than "Oh Jim!". Man, catch a break, please!

I know! I didn't intend for the story to go that way, but when I sat down to write this chapter, that's what happened. I got about a page down and was going to erase it and start over, but it was not meant to be re-written. *shakes head* Sometimes, I wonder if he doesn't make his own hell via me, lol!

14

“Happy birthday dear Ava! Happy birthday to you!”

The entire family finished singing and Ava grinned as she blew out the candles on her cake. Her smile could light up a room, I swear. She’s got the Baker smile and it shows.

“Did you make a wish?” Priscilla asked as Randi snapped pictures. I’d made the rounds with my camera, too, and snapped a few now.

“I did! Now can we eat the cake?” she asked, causing everyone to laugh. I glanced at my parents, noting that Jimmy seemed a bit tired (probably the pain medication) and Jacoby was sticking close to him. I know he’s had some emotional moments since they arrived and they haven’t gone to visit the cemeteries yet.

I laughed, standing to get the ice cream. Of course, this child was going to be well and truly hyper tonight, but that’s okay; it’s her birthday, so she deserves it. Helping scoop ice cream, I kept an eye on Jimmy. He’s got a faraway look in his eyes today, and that concerns me. This is supposed to be a happy occasion but he looks anything but. I know that grandma’s one year is coming up soon, but there are still at least three weeks before that happens.

“Here dad,” I said, handing him the last plate. He looked up at and for a split second, I wondered if he knew who I was. “What’s on your mind?”

He shrugged, taking a bite of cake and ice cream. He had his broken leg propped on some pillows on another chair, so maybe that was the problem. His toes were still a bit swollen and bruised, so he was probably just in a bit of pain.

“Not much. I’m glad Ava’s having a great birthday. Hard to believe she’s six already.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. “She’s five, dad, not six.”

It seemed to take him a moment to process that. “Sorry. The pills go right to my head. You’re right, she’s five.”

I nodded, figuring this was the entire problem; after all, I know what pain pills do to me. Yet something nagged at me that it might be more than that. Shaking that thought from my head, I smiled, as dad worked his way through his cake and ice cream. It’s hard to imagine that one day my parents will be too frail to travel, though if they’re like grandpa that won’t be for several years.

“What’s on your mind?” dad asked, adjusting his leg a bit. I still can’t believe he came out here two days after breaking his leg!

“Nothing,” I lied, since I didn’t want to get him worked up. I looked out the deck doors, noting how the sun glinted off the waves in the mid-afternoon. It was the perfect day for a birthday party, I thought. The sun made its way into the house, making the walls pop. Randi and Cilla had painted the dining room a very light green and it was beautiful. “I’m fine.”

Jimmy smiled at me, as I took our empty plates into the kitchen. We’d be opening gifts soon and then people would start heading for home. I knew that, in another week, my parents would go up to see my aunt and uncle and visit Grandma Shaddix at her grave. I wonder if they’ve been to see Grandma Sullivan yet.

“After presents, then,” Jimmy suggested and I nodded. I knew what he wanted to talk about and I suppose I can’t really turn him down. “Can’t wait to see what she gets.”

She’s actually kind of hard to buy for. She’s into music (which she probably gets from Grandpa Baker), she loves art, she wants tattoos (13 years to go!), and books. But she’s got such an extensive library, it’s hard to know what to get her. My family got her some temporary tattoos and a henna kit (tattoos that wash off). I alerted our uncles to the henna kit and Matt, Johnny, and Zach have offered to do them for her. I told her I’d help, too, since I do henna at the shop. Customers like them because they’re temporary.

“Okay, time for presents!” Priscilla announced, as Ava stood by the present table. This child isn’t spoiled or anything. Nope. “This first one is from Grandpa and Grandpa Shaddix.”

Jimmy grinned, as Ava sat down and then tore off the wrapping. Her face lit up in a grin as she held up two new books, an art kit and some new crayons and paints. I high fived dad, who nodded, smiling; they know their granddaughter well.

“Next from Great-Grandpa Sullivan.”

Another grin split her face at an easel and paper to paint on. This was a serious easel, too, not just some flimsy thing; this was for serious artists. He’d also gotten her some new brushes and a new smock to wear. This kid is serious about her art, I tell you.

By the time all the presents were open, Ava looked tired. But she had plenty of new books, new art supplies, and even some new clothes. She and her cousins went outside to play and run off the sugar they’d consumed, some of the adults began to leave and dad turned to me, the question in his eyes.

“I’m fine, really,” I told him, as Clayton waved at me. He pointed to the baby and I nodded, giving him a thumbs up; no doubt her diaper needed changing. Sadly, nine month olds don’t potty train. “Don’t worry, dad.”

He didn’t look convinced, though. “Honey, I can see concern written all over your face; what’s the matter? My leg? That was really was just a freak accident, I promise. The story is a true as they come.”

I hugged him impulsively, worried that he might forget us all at some time. “I believe you dad, I really do. I guess I just worry about you guys that’s all.”

He smiled, but seemed confused as to my sudden affection. “That’s okay, don’t worry. I love you, Liza, and things are going fine. I’ll get my leg healed up and life will go on.”

I nodded, but I wasn’t convinced. I decided I’d have to run my concerns past my husband to see if he thought I was crazy or not. Smiling at dad, I excused myself to go mingle, watching as he moved toward the couch, probably to rest. Something seemed off, though, and I wasn’t going to rest until I found out what that something was.

***

Later that night, once the kids were in bed, Clayton and I were sitting in the living room, relaxing. We both had our computers out, working on various projects, all for our work. His work as a photographer kept him busy and I was proud of him.

“Do you think something is weird with Jimmy?” I asked, taking a break from the tattoo design I was working on.

My husband looked over at me, saving his work and closing his computer for a moment. He looked thoughtful, so either he was with me or he wasn’t. That look is sometimes hard to interpret.

“I don’t know. He seemed a bit off today, but I blame his broken leg. He did say he was still taking the pain pills, right?” I nodded. “So, since I know what pain pills do to you, I’m willing to be that’s all that’s wrong for now. Why?”

I shrugged. “He just didn’t seem…right, you know? I know some of that is the pain medication, because you’re right about what it does to me. But I’m not convinced that’s the only problem. I think there’s more going on.”

My husband nodded, still looking thoughtful. “Why don’t you talk to Jacoby? I mean, when we saw your dad at Christmas, he seemed fine. He’s forgetful sometimes, but that’s the brain damage from the drugs right?”

“It is,” I agreed, listening as the toilet upstairs flushed. A door shut and I assumed whomever was up was back to bed now. “But I feel like there’s more, like it’s getting worse. Even when pain pills go right to my head, I don’t think I’d forget how old Ava was. And when he called before they came out here, Priscilla said he just repeated everything he’d already told them. I’m not comfortable just calling this pain pills going to his head, Clayton.”

Clayton came to the couch and hugged me, a welcome gesture. The lamp light in the room cast a shadow over his face, but it made him look more handsome than usual. “I wouldn’t worry too much,” he told me, kissing my cheek. “Wait until he’s off the pain meds for a week and then we’ll talk some more. If it’s more than that, we’ll know by then and we can talk to him and your dad, okay? But in the mean time, don’t worry so much. It’s good to look after your dad, but he might not need it right now.”

I nodded, returning the kiss. “I know. But I worry, that’s all. He’s had a few more memory problems as he gets older and the doctors have warned him about dementia and things. Of course, there’s medication for it now, to hold it at bay and maybe even reverse the effects, but he might not want to take it. But I’ll wait until the pain meds are gone and see what he’s like then. But I just can’t kick this feeling, you know?”

“I know and you’re right to worry. Look at my mom: we worried and pushed and finally got her dementia diagnosed; the medication is working wonders. But for now, I say let’s back off a bit and see what happens after he’s off the pain pills. Now, my lady, are you at a good stopping point in your work?” I nodded, smiling. “Good. Come here.”

***
I was at work about a week later when I started thinking about Jimmy again. He and dad were set to return from Joanne and Alan’s tonight, and according to Jo, they’d had a good visit. But she, too, had noticed something off about Jimmy, and it wasn’t the pain medication. He hasn’t used it in about four days and that stuff is usually out of your system in a day or two. So it wasn’t my imagination, apparently, and now I’m going to keep an eye on him. I’ve taken a week off after today to spend with my family and Priscilla took the next week off. I’ve alerted her to my concerns, and she agreed to help me watch him. I don’t want to make a big fuss, but I do worry and if something is wrong, we can nip it in the bud now.

“You heading out?”

I looked up to the doorway of my office, nodding at my uncle Matt. He’d been over here helping me out since I was down an artist for a couple of weeks.

“I’m ready. Are we heading over to grandpa’s for the BBQ?”

He nodded, his once dark hair now grey. He still kept it neatly shorn and it still looked good on him. His hazel eyes were bright, however, especially when a pair of arms snaked around from behind; Aunt Val waved, hidden behind the bulk of her husband.

“Ready?” she asked, and I nodded, gathering my purse and slipping my yellow converse back on. I could sit barefoot in my office if I wanted and I took full advantage of that. “What’s your grandpa making tonight?”

I shrugged, slipping the strap of my brown purse over my shoulder. I had a ‘mom purse’, as Corey put it, but it sure does come in handy sometimes. Following my aunt and uncle outside, I breathed in the nice, fresh air.

“Hard to say. I know he went shopping earlier today with a friend, but that’s all I know. Probably the usuals. I’ll see you at the house.”

After texting Clayton to make sure they were on their way, I made my way to grandpa’s, my mind still on my dad. I know the drugs did bad things to his brain, but we still don’t know all the long term effects. I mean, we know the toll it took on his lungs, and we know it caused memory problems, but I can’t help but think his memory is getting worse.

“You made it!”

I smiled, after pulling into grandpa’s driveway, as Jimmy came up to the car. He seemed in much better spirits and I assumed his leg was feeling much better. Once I was out of the car, I hugged him tight, then followed him inside.

“You seem to be feeling better,” I commented, and he nodded, smiling. “I take it your leg isn’t hurting?”

“Nope, now it’s just working on healing. I mean, it’s only been two weeks, so I’ve got a ways to go, but at least the pain and swelling are done. I see the doctor tomorrow and I think it’s time for a new cast; this one is getting a bit loose and that’s not good for the healing process.”

Here I go getting all worked up and he’s acting normal. I don’t know what to think now, as we head into the house. He’s got normal energy levels, he’s moving fine, he’s not confused; I think I’m confused now. Shaking my head, I smiled as I greeted the gathered family members and put my purse away. I definitely need to do some thinking and I will be certain to watch dad while he’s out here.

I so desperately want it to be the pain pills that were making Jimmy a bit off, I don't want anything else to be wrong yet. I swear to god I've been on tenterhooks since this story started just cos of the title. I'm terrified to find out who is falling apart at the seams!

Writing this story has been a roller coaster! Where I'm at now things aren't horrible, they're kind of calm, but who knows what will happen down the road?

I do think some of the problem is the pain pills; I know what they do to me =). But we'll see what happens once he's off them for a few days.

New chapter probably this afternoon my time, once Lyra goes down to nap!

15

July 15th, 2044

I’m sure you’re looking to me to verify Jimmy’s broken leg story, so I’ll do it: it’s the truth. Yes, it’s funny as hell (or it will be later…), and yes it’s 100% true. He’s a klutz, the kitties like to camp out on the stairs (and they are always exactly in the middle), and yes, he tripped over them and broke his leg. Yes, my husband is that talented.

Although, in all seriousness, I do question what happened. I mean, the cats sit there every single day without fail. He knows this and he knows to be careful so this doesn’t happen. I can’t even think what he was in such a hurry for that day, to be honest. I mean, we weren’t even going anywhere, other than maybe into town for groceries or something.

Either way, I’ve got some theories of what happened. I mean, we’re both getting older, our eyesight isn’t what it used to be 20 years ago or so; maybe he just didn’t see them. Also, I’ve been warned a few times that past substance abuse can cause problems with his brain. He’s already got memory problems, and I sometimes wonder if those problems aren’t getting worse. I’m meeting the girls for lunch today (Jimmy’s out with his friends for lunch) and I have a feeling this is going to come up in conversation.

“Hey dad,” Priscilla said, hugging me. They’d chosen Ruby’s on the Pier and I approved; I love Ruby’s. “We got you a Pepsi.”

I nodded, settling into a seat near the window, overlooking the ocean. I’m not as young as I used to be, at 67, but I’m not old, either. I just ache now and then and today, I ache a lot in my joints. Given the dark clouds and anger of the ocean, I’d guess a weather system is coming in.

“Liza should be here in about five minutes; she wanted to drop Marianna off at a friend’s house so we could eat in peace, as she put it.”

I laughed a bit, because I completely understood where she was coming from. “Where’s Ava?” I asked, though I suspected the answer already.

“With Randi. We’ve both got the day off today, so she said she’d take her while we ate. We have some stuff to talk about and kids don’t need to be around for that.”

I had a feeling something important was going to come up and in a way, I’m glad it’s the girls doing it instead of me. It makes me feel less stupid for thinking something is up if they think it as well.

“Sorry I’m late,” Eliza panted, breezing in. She sat in the booth next to her sister and I was struck by how similar they look. I was about to say something when Eliza laughed. “We know, we’re almost twins; you’ve mentioned it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh because my kids are right: I have mentioned several times that they could be twins. We lapsed into silence for a moment, then, as we looked over the menu and decided what to eat. I was really hoping Jimmy and the guys didn’t wander in here, though he knows I’m out with the girls. It’s not the end of the world if they wander in, but it would make it harder to talk about things if he’s around.

“Are you ready to order?”

Once our orders were in, I looked at my girls, glad we’d picked a table out of the way, back in a corner. It seemed no one wanted to start the dialogue, and just as I wound up my courage to do so, Eliza spoke.

“I’m worried about dad,” she began and I nodded, occasionally looking toward the door. “I understand that, while he was on the pain pills, his memory faltered a couple of times, but that’s normal. It seems though now that he’s off the pain pills, his memory isn’t getting any better; it seems worse. When I stopped over to drop the kids off yesterday, he had to think about who I was. That’s hard to take from my dad, you know?”

I nodded. “I know. I’ve noticed more memory lapses, too, though I thought it was just me. Your grandpa has noticed as well, and we’re currently trying to figure out a way to address it with him.”

“Is this the dementia his doctor has always talked about?” Priscilla asked, as the bell over the door dinged. It was not Jimmy and the guys and I was relieved. “We all knew this was coming, right?”

I nodded, because in a way, she was right. But in so many other ways, she’s oh so wrong. “We did, to a point, but while it’s been building up over the years, I didn’t think it would hit like this. I think it was triggered by losing his mom.”

Once we’d arrived home after the funeral and he’d started counseling, I’d noticed some increased memory problems. I didn’t think much of it, though his therapist warned me that he might be started down the path to dementia or even Alzheimer’s. She said it might’ve been triggered by the loss of his mom and the resulting (and understandable) depression. She said only time would tell how he’d do and he started to get better. But now he’s tanking and I don’t know what to do.

“What do we do?” Priscilla asked, worry evident in her voice.

I waited until our plates had been settled in front of us and drinks refilled before answering. “I don’t know. He sees the orthopod tomorrow and will probably get a new cast, since this one’s getting loose. I suppose I could call around and see if there’s anyone to see him, maybe a specialist in memory problems. But I also don’t want that to throw him into chaos. I kind of want to wait until we’re home and he can see Dr. Magnus.”

Eliza nodded, looking thoughtful as she worked through her burger. She’s got her dad’s hollow leg, by the way. “I don’t know if that’s wise, dad. Grandma’s one year is in six weeks, and he’s going to be a hot mess by then, if this keeps up.”

I can’t deny that, that’s for sure. I took time to answer, biting into my burger, eating some fries, sipping my drink. I just don’t want to throw my husband into chaos if these memory problems are severe. Seeing a new doctor even once can cause problems with him, as I saw with Dr. Magnus. When he took over for the retiring Dr. Mathias, we had serious problems.

“I know, but you know what happens when he sees new doctors,” I cautioned them, wishing there was an easy solution. Of course, there are medications on the market now for treatment of dementia and they work wonders. The problem is that Jimmy’s on a COPD pill, an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety, his nebulizer, an asthma inhaler, and occasional oxygen. Adding another medication isn’t going to please him. “I need to figure out how to deal with this and not send him over the proverbial edge.”

The girls once again looked thoughtful, as we all brainstormed ideas. I mean, I don’t know anyone out here that’s a psychologist or memory specialist. His sister Katie works on the psych floor, but she’s just the nurse manager and he’s never worked with their doctors.

“Well, I don’t know. I mean, there’s a memory specialist in L.A., but if he freaks with new doctors, you might just have to weather the storm until you get home,” Cilla told me and I nodded, biting my lower lip and rubbing my hands together. “I mean, you know his history better than we do.”

“I do and that’s what worries me. He’s spent time on psych, we had to work hard to kick his OCD problems and everything else. I guess I’m going to have to do some soul searching.”

I was about to elaborate when the bell dinged again and Jimmy walked in with his friends. They were laughing and joking, just like old times and I was relieved. I mean, just because we’re in our sixties now doesn’t mean we’re old and frail. I wouldn’t exactly be slamming back as much beer as I could in one night anymore, but I can still act like I’m twenty one.

“Dad’s here,” I said quietly, biting into my burger. I watched them, since we were in a bit of a secluded spot and realized they hadn’t spotted us. “When we’re done eating, we’ll spend some time around town, okay?”

The girls nodded, as we all finished eating. I picked up the check and then we quietly snuck out, apparently unnoticed by Jimmy. In a way, I was glad, because I wanted him to have fun with his friends and on the off chance anything was wrong, we didn’t need a public outburst. Sighing, I followed the girls to a little ice cream shop set in the middle of the Pier and sprang for the cold treat. It’s a nice day out and I need to put my worries aside. After all, Matt promised to call if anything happened and that would have to do. Let’s just hope that nothing happens.

***

Thankfully, by that night, my husband seemed calm. In fact, he almost seemed back to normal. I knew this was just a façade, though, because I could see the confusion in his eyes on occasion. My mind was still turning over what to do when, of all people, Jimmy himself came to me.

“Can we talk?” he asked in an almost childlike manner. His dad was in the kitchen making supper (and had refused all help), and I nodded. “Outside, please.”

Rather than raise questions, we went out to the front porch, then around to the back, sitting in the beach chairs we kept out there. Yeah, I know, his dad can still see us out here, but it made sense at the time.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, taking his hand. The calluses he’d formed from years of drumming in the municipal band had started to fade since he didn’t play as much anymore.

He looked at me and then back at his beloved ocean. I had no idea what he wanted to talk about, and hoped it wasn’t about moving out here. Yes, it’s been more than six months since his mother passed, but we’re still on the fence about that.

“I want to talk to Dr. Magnus, Jack. I don’t feel right.”

I glanced at him, listening as the tide brought the ocean a bit closer to shore than usual. He looked older, somehow. His face was drawn, eyes dull and slightly confused, there were dark bags under his eyes, and his hair was greyer. Even his hairline, which had been on retreat for a couple of years, now seemed to have stepped up efforts to go; in short, Jimmy looked done in.

“What do you mean?” I asked, treading carefully. I have no idea how fragile he might be right now and I didn’t want to upset him.

He shrugged, still entranced with the ocean; he’s like that a lot of late. “I mean, I sometimes forget who people are and it’s worse than usual. Twice today I forgot who one of the guys was and it scared the hell out of me, Jacoby. I mean, I know I have memory problems, but they shouldn’t be this bad. I’m forgetting important things and it worries me. But I don’t know what to do.”

In some ways, I was relieved, as I watched the sun start to move west. We still had about three hours before sunset, but the sky was already pretty. Taking my husband’s hand, I rubbed over his slightly wrinkled hand and nodded.

“We’ll call the doctor first thing in the morning, okay? If he recommends seeing someone out here, will you be okay with that?”

Jimmy was quiet for a while and for a moment, I thought I’d lost him. But he turned his head and nodded, though his eyes were not entirely clear. The problem with his past substance abuse is that we still don’t know all the long-term consequences. So far, there’s been the asthma, the memory problems, the COPD, things like that. He’s had some heart trouble of late which he’s on medication for. But there are still many unanswered questions.

“I love you,” he murmured, laying his head on my shoulder. His back is feeling better (a few trips to his chiropractor out here have helped that as well), and I gently ran a hand through his hair. “What would I do without you?”

“Let’s not worry about that,” I told him, as we watched the ocean. I want more nights like this, just the two of us out on the beach. “For now, let’s worry about healing your memory and your leg and then we’ll move onto just having a great life.”

“In California someday?”

I nodded, though I don’t know how I arrived at that decision. Someday, though, I think we could have a great life out here. I can’t imagine life without the farm, but at the same time, it’s getting to be a lot of work for us. Ryland and Ella are helping us more and more, mostly because Jimmy can’t be outside as often in the summer. After a couple of weeks on 24 hour oxygen therapy, there’s talk of making that permanent.

“Maybe. For now, we’ve got six weeks before we have to be back in Iowa. We’ll talk about California later.”

He nodded, adjusting his leg a bit. It’s stopped hurting, but the cast is uncomfortable, of course. We see the orthopod tomorrow and hopefully he’ll get a new cast; this one is loose. Putting any further thoughts from my mind I clasped his hand and rubbed his back a bit. The tide was going out a bit now and the sky was still pretty in the early evening sun. All at once, I could see us retiring out here, spending our evenings just like this. His dad has indicated that the house is ours if we want it, but we’d have to really think about that. In the mean time, I’m going to enjoy my time with Jimmy and hope we can fix his memory; if not, I don’t know that I can live without him.

16


July 26, 2044

I smiled as I buckled Ava into her new booster seat, something she was quite proud of. It’d been a gift from my uncle Johnny and his wife, and I didn’t realize how over-due she was for a seat upgrade. The buckles actually fit her now and she doesn’t grunt and squirm as I try to work the buckles for her. I have accidentally pinched her leg before and I know how much that hurts.

“Are we going to see my grandpas?” she asked excitedly. Dad and Jacoby were still here, of course, and would be until the week after grandma’s one year anniversary. I guess you get better PTO as you obtain more years at Creighton or something; that, or Sean gets it and let’s them have it.

“We are. Great grandpa wants to take us all out for ice cream today, how does that sound?” I asked, waving to the daycare teacher. Normally, I’d be at work until seven, but I picked up an extra shift today and agreed to work eight hours, just to have a little break. The extra money is nice, of course, but so is the control over my shifts. “Then, we’ll head back to great grandpa’s house so you can play on the beach and the adults can talk, okay?”

She nodded, her green eyes catching mine for a moment before a small pout formed. As I got into the driver’s seat, I was reminded how smart she really was.

“Is this a serious talk?” she asked, and I confirmed that it was. “Oh. I’ll play quietly, then.”

Note to self: suggest the beach more strongly. Dad recently spoke to his doctor back in Iowa, got the order to see a memory specialist down here (his memory problems had been getting worse since before grandma died, but Jacoby failed to mention that), and now we’re going to hear the results of the appointment. If he’s on medication, that should ease the possible problems he’s got, but medication is no cure.

“Grandpa’s calling!” Ava announced excitedly as my phone rang. I hit answer on my hands-free device (now standard in all cars) and greeted Jacoby. “Hi grandpa!”

“Hi Ava! Are you ready to go get ice cream?” he asked and I smiled, letting her have the conversation for a while.

“I am! And then you guys are going to have a serious talk and I have to play quietly and by myself,” she told him and my smile faltered a bit. It’s a bit sad that she knows what she has to do in these situations.

“That’s right. But it won’t take long and then we’ll play together, deal?”

“Deal!”

“Hey Cilla, are you guys close? Your dad heard about ice cream and he’s waiting at the door for you.”

I had to laugh, because that’s so typical of the man, really; he’s worse than his grandkids, I swear. “We’re just turning onto grandpa’s block right now, actually. I’m ready for ice cream, too. We haven’t been out in a while, since we’ve been so busy with work and stuff. And I know Miss Ava is ready for ice cream.”

“YUM!” she exclaimed from the back, as I pulled in. “Grandpa!”

Jimmy hopped as fast as he could as Jacoby hung up, he and my grandpa following at a more sedate pace. Once he was settled into the front (Grandpa Sullivan wouldn’t let him sit in back), I laughed at him. He had a goofy smile on his face, his blue eyes bright today, and he seemed more like my dad.

“How’s that leg?” I asked, glancing at his new cast. He was a month out now and in good spirits. “That’s certainly a bright cast.”

He’d gotten the new cast last week, and instead of black, he’d gone with bright purple. No, I’m not kidding, if purple were neon, this would be the exact shade of it.

“It’s doing well. I should be on track for four months of healing,” he told me, as everyone else settled into the car. Ava’s booster was in the center of the back seat (we have a van, but Randi has it today to help a friend move some stuff), so Jacoby and Grandpa Sullivan settled on either side. “And yes, it’s bright, but they had brighter wrap. So, what kind of ice cream do you want?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll have to see the menu. I like them all, so it’ll be hard to pick,” I admitted, listening as Ava animatedly told Jacoby and grandpa about her time in daycare today. “How about you?”

He tapped his lips with his finger, making a ‘hmmm’ sound as he did so. “I don’t know. I think I’ll have to see the menu as well.”

I laughed, as I made my way downtown. We’re not going to Ruby’s for once (it’s kind of the family hang out, if you haven’t noticed), but to another amazing eatery in town. Matilda’s has been open since Eliza went to college out here and it’s amazing. It’s all homemade and you can watch them make it, which really makes it tasty stuff.

Pulling into a closer spot for dad’s sake, I got out and waited while Jacoby got Ava unbuckled. I had some news for them and I was eager to get it out, before we heard about dad. Ava already knows, but she’s keeping the secret very well and I’m proud of her.

“Good afternoon, welcome to Matilda’s, what can I get for you?” a young girl behind the counter asked, smiling.

“That’s a tough question to answer,” Grandpa Sullivan said, and we all laughed, looking over the menu. “I’m glad you guys are so patient.”

The counter girl nodded, smiling. “We understand the dangers of having so many flavor choices. Take your time.”

Ten minutes later, we were all seated at a table with our ice cream treats. I’d gone with the peanut butter and Oreo sundae, a favorite treat of mine. I allowed Ava to indulge this time, and her vanilla ice cream was buried beneath sprinkles, cookie crumbles, whipped cream, and chocolate/caramel drizzle. Needless to say, I’m letting Randi put her to bed tonight.

“Randi is getting off at four today, with low census, so she’s going to meet us back at the house,” I told my family, figuring I could sit on our news a bit longer. It really would be better to have Randi along anyway, since she loves my parents so much. We told her mom on the phone yesterday and she went nuts.

“Sounds good,” Grandpa Sullivan said, smiling. “It will be good to see her again. How’s work for you guys?”

I shrugged, taking another bite of my ice cream. “It’s been a rollercoaster, really. One day it’s so busy we can’t remember up from down. I’m on the chopper most of one day and the next day it’s so quiet we end up cleaning things that are already clean. Summer is always a tough time for us, even with the increase in tourists. So far, it’s been the usual up and down, though lately it’s more down. That’s why Randi can join us today; they over-scheduled ER, so she said she’d take the early off.”

“That’s life in the hospital, sadly,” Jimmy said, scooping the last of his ice cream into his mouth. “Trust me we’ve been at it for many, many years. Sean’s actually trying to get some of us to retire because so many young kids are coming in out of college and there aren’t as many jobs. Our ER staff, while advanced in age, are also stubborn and able to work, so we keep working just to piss him off.”

I burst out laughing at that, almost choking on my ice cream. Jacoby helpfully pounded my back and our waitress rushed me a glass of water. When I had things under control, I wiped my eyes and shook my head.

“Being advanced in age just makes you smarter,” I told him, causing Jimmy to sputter into laughter as well. After a coughing fit and a few more giggles, he flipped me off. Jacoby had quickly covered Ava’s eyes until the finger was lowered and I laughed. “Meanie.”

We both shared a laugh and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of my dad, the old Jimmy, before illness and past addictions started to chisel away at him. This was my dad, a happy-go-lucky guy who loved to laugh and pick on his girls. Never a mean bone in his body, yet he wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself, either.

“Well, are we ready to head to the house?” grandpa asked and we all nodded, our ice cream gone. Now, it was time to get down to business. “Should we get Randi an ice cream?”

“We should, she’d like that,” I agreed, stopping by the counter. Grandpa insisted on paying and I couldn’t really say no, as I got her favorite shake for her. With that in hand, we headed out, arm in arm, as I sighed. “Are things going to be okay, grandpa?”

He looked over at me as we walked, Ava safe with her grandparents. I watched as they swung her in the air (how dad did that on crutches is beyond me), and then resumed walking. Grandpa hugged me tight, then sighed.

“I think so, in time. But it’s going to be a hard road to get there. We have to get your dad’s leg healed up first, of course, and then his memory, but I think in time, things will be okay. We just have to be patient.”

Those words would have an impact on me later, I’m sure. For now, it felt like an empty reassurance more than anything, though I put my faith in grandpa’s words. He’d know, after all, but I still had my doubts. Finally reaching the car, I watched as Jimmy worked his broken leg into the car, cursing a bit because his knee couldn’t bend. Jacoby had Ava strapped into her seat securely, and I settled into the driver’s seat. When we were all in, I started back for the house, wondering if the sudden change in mood that was palpable would be permanent. Something was amiss and we were about to hear all about it.

***

When Randi had finished her ice cream and Ava was playing on the swing set a safe distance away but so we could still see her, Jacoby cleared his throat. We all had bottles of water in front of us and I watched him nervously twirling his bottle. Something was up and it was making him nervous.

“Well, as I’m sure you all know, Jimmy spoke with Dr. Magnus recently. Afterward, he saw Dr. Segren, a memory specialist at Cedar Sinai. Many tests were conducted and we finally got the results of those today. We met with Dr. Segren this morning in Los Angeles and that’s why we decided to call you all together today.” He paused, as Eliza and Clayton hurried onto the porch, apologizing for being late. “No worries, we were just starting. So, we spoke with the doctor today and as suspected, Jimmy’s past substance abuse has caused an increase in his memory problems. The initial brain damage happened the night of the overdose, as you know. But through the years, until he was clean, his continued use caused further damage. When he last overdosed, it caused a lot of permanent damage to his long term memory but primarily to his short term memory. Now, this isn’t all because of substance abuse, of course. Your dad has been in his share of fights and suffered trauma to his head because of that. And, of course, six years ago, he was in that ambulance crash, where he suffered a very severe concussion. All of this had lead up to the results of the testing: your dad is suffering from dementia. Now, he’s in the very earliest stages of it, which is good. There are many treatments available to him these days and we’ve chosen to begin with a pill.

“The purpose of this pill is to help slow the progression of the dementia. Now, it can’t fix the existing damage, but it can slow the progression of the disease. This means that, over the course of the next two to three weeks, you’ll notice that Jimmy is becoming less confused and more like himself. The pill will assist him in helping with his short term memory problems. That means, that, as the pill begins to work, he’ll have less problems with forgetting things said to him, etc. This pill is also designed to help with long term memory problems, meaning that the current problems of forgetting people or where he is will also begin to diminish. It’s going to take time, but this pill should be the help he needs. It’s only been studied at the ten year mark, but at the ten year mark, patients were still doing well and no signs of dementia were recorded. So, hopefully, this will keep your dad from ever developing the later stages of dementia as he ages.”

That was a lot to take in, but it made sense to me, at least. Randi had my hand in hers as she watched Ava for a few seconds, ensuring that she was safe. Corey, Rhiannon, and Marianna were here as well, and the older kids would keep an eye on her for us. I looked at Jimmy and was surprised to see that he was smiling.

“I know that was a lot of information,” he began and I nodded. “But you’ll have to believe us that this is the right path for us to take. We didn’t just jump at a pill that would help, we got a lot of information before the meeting from the doctor himself and did other research and decided this was the pill for me. If it works, it will keep me from forgetting things which is important. But it also helps with the mood swings that are a problem for most dementia patients as well. You all never really saw it, but according to Jack, I can get mean when I’m having what we’ve termed an ‘episode’; I even apparently lashed out at him when he tried to help me. So, this medication allows me to continue functioning as a normal person, allows me to continue working, and keeps your dad from getting beat up.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, we all had to laugh at that. It felt good to know that we had a potential solution, even if it wasn’t for sure. We all knew that the new medication might fail or might not be right for dad, but it was a good start. I know from school and general research that these pills either work or they don’t; they’re not guaranteed. Of course, my parents would know that, and I trusted them to make the right decision.

“Let’s hope it works,” I said aloud and my parents nodded. “Just keep us updated, okay?”

“We will,” Jimmy promised, smiling as he looked at us. “Now, I can tell you two have news, so out with it!”

Grinning, I kissed my wife, then turned to my parents. “Well, it’s been quite a process and we kept quiet until given permission to speak by our lawyer,” I began and saw my parent’s faces light up with hope. “Our adoption lawyer has arranged for us to adopt a newborn, who is due to make its entrance in about four months. The mother is a fourteen year old girl who can’t keep the baby, so we’re going to adopt it.”

“Congrats!” Eliza said, getting up to hug us. Clayton had Marianna and handed her over with a grin.

“Better get used to this,” he joked as the infant squirmed in my arms. She was nearing ten months old now and I laughed, helping her stand on wobbly legs. “But congrats! It will be nice having a baby around again.”

I couldn’t disagree, as Mari toddled over to Randi and then Eliza. Her journey ended when grandpa scooped her up, tickling her sides. Her giggles rang over the patio and I smiled; it was time for another baby and I was looking forward to our latest addition.