Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (Jimmy/Jacoby)

Poor Coby, he's been through so much in the last few years, had to deal with so much. I hope Priscilla pulls through, and Jimmy too, so they can be a family again.

The beginning of this story was tough...because I didn't want over-do the crises faced by the family; at the same time, I wanted it relatively true to life as well. And everyone deals with loss in their own way with whatever consequences they must bear. I think I handled Jimmy right...and later chapters are also interesting for him.

I think you got it pretty much spot on.

It's a tough balance sometimes when writing, you know?

***

8

If you’ve been so drunk you pass out or just plain fallen asleep in one place and woken in another, you’ll understand my confusion. I blinked my eyes open and knew I wasn’t at home, but I wasn’t at the pizza place, either. In fact, I had no idea where the hell I was. The walls were white, there was a TV mounted on the ceiling, there were IVs in my hand…wait.

“Shit,” I muttered, as a massive headache started throbbing behind my eyes. Clearly, I’m in the damn hospital, but what the hell happened? I thought I gave this up a few years ago…you know, when Jacoby threatened to divorce me and kick me out if I didn’t get clean and stay clean? “How the hell did I get here?”

I felt like shit, to be honest. I looked over at the IV stand and quickly identified everything flowing into me. Fluids mostly, but the yellow stuff was what really caught my eye. Nutrients, essentially, though it’s a bit more complicated than that. Basically, whatever my body is missing, it’s getting through that yellow goop. A snore to my right alerted me that I wasn’t alone, and I turned my aching head to see Jacoby sound asleep in an upright chair.

I searched the bed and found the nurse call, then requested headache medication. I have a feeling I know what’s going on: I won’t be allowed to leave until I start eating. It’s not that I don’t want to eat, it’s that eating makes me sick, and who wants to vomit all the time? It just reminds me of the first weeks of pregnancy and I’d honestly like to forget about that, especially considering I can’t even get pregnant anymore.

“Good morning,” a cheerful male voice said, quietly entering the room. He looked familiar, and I’m sure I’ve gone on an ambulance trip or two with him, but I couldn’t put a name to the face. “I’m Ed, I’ll be your nurse until seven o’clock tonight. Keilynn should be in soon to get your vitals and such, and she’ll be your tech. I’ve got some Tylenol here for you. I’ve also got your regular morning meds.”

I accepted a small white paper cup with a shaking hand, inspecting the contents. Sure enough, two Tylenol and my Singulair were nestled inside. I popped them into my mouth, then chased then with some slightly warm, stale water. I took my Advair disc next, thankful that through all of this, my asthma has stayed under control.

“Am I allowed up? I really want a shower and I need to use the restroom,” I said, tossing the covers aside. God I hate these hospital gowns; they don’t leave much to the imagination.

“With help, since you’re very weak,” Ed said, and I groaned, but accepted his help to stand. Once I was on my feet, I realized he was right: my knees were shaking with the sheer effort of keeping me up. “Just take it slow, okay?”

I nodded, clinging to him for dear life, as he brought my IV. The door opened when we were halfway to the bathroom (mind you this trip should take a second or two tops and we were nearing 30 seconds), and a woman with short cropped blonde hair took my other side. I assumed this was Keilynn and let her assist Ed. I hadn’t felt this horrible in years and I have to say, I don’t like it.

“Keilynn will stay with you, okay? Right now, safety trumps privacy.”

“That’s fine.”

Ed left and I asked my tech if I could get a shower later. She said she’d check with Ed, but if I was this weak we’d probably have to put it off. I didn’t like that but I understood…I’m in shitty shape to be walking the halls.

“I’m ready to head back,” I said, and she nodded, calling Ed on her handset. Picture the older cell phones, when they were first getting smaller, and you’ll about have it. “Thanks for the help.”

“No problem,” she said, as the pair finally got me back to bed. I’d declined the chair since it was occupied and I didn’t want to wake my husband. I’m sure he’s exhausted as well, and I wanted to be somewhere warm. “I’m going to get your vitals quick, okay? Breakfast will be here around eight.”

“What am I getting?” I asked, knowing better than to fight. I watched her put a blood pressure cuff around my arm and insert her stethoscope into her ears.

“I’m not sure,” she said, and then fell silent as she checked my bp. Given that she was smiling, it can’t be too far in the shitter. “Not bad, 124/86. Now, I’ll get your pulse and temp and then we’re done.”

I sat still while she hooked my finger up to an oxygen sensor, watching her write down the numbers, knowing she was counting my breaths while she did so. I must’ve passed all her tests, because she smiled and packed up her gear, promising me fresh ice water as she walked out the door. I rubbed my eyes, flinching when I pulled on the IV a bit. I hate being in the hospital and I want out of here as quick as possible; the first stay to have emergency surgery is going to be expensive enough. Add to that the cost of several weeks of NICU care and now this and Jacoby and I are going to go broker than we already are.

“Jimmy?” a groggy voice asked, and I turned to see Jacoby sit up and stretch. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Like hell,” I admitted, rubbing my temples. Jacoby nodded, sitting on the edge of the chair a bit. “I have a headache from hell, and no one needs to tell me what happened. Hell, it took two people to walk me to the damn bathroom just now.”

I was angry and frustrated. I don’t need this stress on top of everything else. My sisters are leaving in 24 hours and I really wanted to spend more time with them before that. Now, I’m stuck here and I can guarantee you I’m not getting out of here today. I sighed, and Jacoby took my hand, massaging the back of it.

“We’ll get through this, too,” he said, standing. He kissed me and then headed into the bathroom to freshen up a bit. I drew my knees to my chest, though I couldn’t keep them there for long. When Jacoby returned, he had a little basin and a small glass of water, along with toothbrush and toothpaste. I don’t care for the hospital stuff, but it will do. “Thought you might want to freshen up a bit.”

He also, I now see, had a washrag with him. I wiped my face and neck, as well as my hands, then brushed my teeth. I was grateful for him, though I suspect he’s not telling me something. You don’t get a cotton ball taped to your hand for just any old reason around here.

“Did you by chance have an IV, too, last night?” I asked, as he cleared the basin and cup. Keilynn returned with my water and I gave her my thanks. Jacoby requested a cup of coffee, straight black, and she said she’d be right back with it. “Don’t lie to me, Jack.”

“I did,” he said, absently rubbing the spot on his hand. He’d tossed the cotton ball now, but you could still see the small, blood-crusted spot where the needle had been. “I got sick after I had an emotional talk with Racheal. She kept me busy while they worked on you last night. I thought it was the beer, but I guess I was a little dehydrated, too. I’ve been eating, but not drinking as much or eating as much. Both of us have lost weight, and we’re both under orders to get eating again. I know that’s going to be harder for you, but maybe if we do it together, yeah?”

I nodded, considering that he was right. Pants that fit perfectly pre-pregnancy now almost fell off me. “I know. But it’s hard to eat when it makes you sick. I will try, though, because I want out of here soon.”

My husband nodded, as Keilynn returned with his coffee. I knew the interruptions this morning weren’t going to end there, but maybe we could get a few minutes to ourselves. We needed that time, even if we just sat quietly. A few sips of coffee later, Jacoby kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed with me. True, it’s not really allowed per se, but as long as he’s not there all night, it’s fine. I held him tight, rubbing his back as he cried, and I knew we were both going to start dealing with Penelope’s death now. I couldn’t hold back my tears either, as we sat in bed together, alone for the first time in weeks.

***

“Daddy!”

I looked over to the door of my room and smiled when I saw Eliza running for the bed. Mom managed to grab her right before she took a flying leap into my lap, which would’ve entangled her in the IV cords that trailed from the bed. Her red hair, which was mysteriously curly, trailed down her back and framed her face as her bright blue eyes looked up at me, worry etched into their crystal surfaces.

“We comes to tell you goodbye from your sisters!” she announced and indeed, my sisters and Jacoby’s mom walked in moments later. “Is you sad they is leaving?”

We were going to have to work a little harder on her grammar…ouch. “I am sad they’re leaving, but it’s okay, because next summer we’ll go out and see them, and we can always send pictures back and forth on the computer.”

Mom placed Eliza on my right side, so that she wouldn’t tangle herself in the cords and she snuggled into me. Jacoby came in with my dad minutes later, bearing flowers, coffee, and a little teddy bear. I was feeling only slightly better after almost two days in the hospital, but it was going to be a few days before I was allowed home.

“How are you feeling?” Kelly asked, as she and Katie hugged me. Both looked worried, and I put on my best smile for them.

“Better, but not great. I did manage to walk to the bathroom with only one person helping me today, and I’m feeling stronger. I ate three small meals yesterday, so that’s something. I’m sorry you had to see this.”

“Hey, we work in hospitals, it’s okay,” Katie assured me, as Jacoby’s mom hugged me tight as well. I was going to miss them, even if it would be nice to have a quieter house. “As long as you’re feeling better, that’s what counts.”

“I do feel better, though it’s still going to be a couple of days before I’m allowed home. The doctor has goals for me to meet for discharge, so I fear I’m going to be here for a while.”

“At least you’re close to Priscilla,” Jeanette pointed out, and I couldn’t argue with that. By now, everyone had sat down, as I glanced at the clock. It was around 10 in the morning, and I knew their flight left around two, so they’d have to leave in the next couple of hours. “How are you doing otherwise?”

I shrugged, because really what was there to say? I felt somewhat better after a couple of days here receiving fluids and such and I didn’t really hurt anymore from the traumatic surgery my body had gone through. My mother-in-law took my hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it for a moment.

“It’s okay. It’s hard to put into words how you feel right now, isn’t it?” she asked, and I nodded. “I can’t say I understand, because I don’t; I’ve never been in your situation. Just remember that you can always call if you need me, okay?”

“Thanks,” I said, as she went to find a seat. I was quiet even though I wanted to visit with my sisters before they left. Mom and dad didn’t get a return ticket, so they could stay as long as needed. In a way, I wished they were leaving, yet I was glad they were staying. When Jacoby returned to work on Monday, I didn’t want to be alone.

“Well, we need to get these guys to the airport. We’ll come back once they’ve left and sit with you,” mom promised, kissing my forehead. I nodded, hugging my sisters tight before they left. I couldn’t stop the tears, no matter how hard I tried.

“Call us if you need us, okay?” Katie said, and I nodded, as Kelly embraced me one more time as well.

“Love you,” she said, and I returned the sentiment, watching as everyone left.

“Daddy, I wanna stay with you!” Eliza shouted, running back into the room. I was ready for her and told her to stop before she vaulted onto the bed. She came around to the right side of the bed and carefully climbed up. “I don’t wanna go to the airport.”

“Liza, honey, you can’t stay here,” Jacoby insisted but I held up my hand, shaking my head. “Jimmy, you know she can’t—“

“She’s my daughter, Jacoby. Leave me her backpack and we’ll read books and color. She deserves time to visit with me, and the airport isn’t any better place for her, is it?”

He opened his mouth to protest, and I swear steam was coming out of his ears. He shook his head, storming out of the room, only barely managing to quietly close the door behind him. Eliza looked at me, her blue eyes wet with tears, as she clung to me.

“Daddy’s mad at me,” she sniffed, as I rubbed her back. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head, wishing Jacoby would watch his temper around her. “No, he’s mad at me, honey. But let’s not worry about that. Grab your backpack.”

She got down and grabbed the purple pack, which had been hastily tossed into my room, then re-joined me in bed. We started out with her favorite book, Drummer Hoff, and she snuggled into my side. I felt something change in me, then, and I knew I had to get better for Eliza, if nothing else.

Not now Coby, don't fly off the handle now when he's realising he needs to get better for his family. *hopes*

Sorry! First day of work today and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off this morning before and this afternoon post work! But now I'm home, relaxing, and here is your next chapter!!

***

9

Oh that man! I know, I know, it’s the stress, but honestly! Doesn’t he think our daughter, OUR daughter mind you, deserves the right to say goodbye to her grandmother and aunts? Besides, if she gets out of line, I know he’s not physically strong enough to do anything. Not eating takes a toll on the body, you know. I know he’s been a little weak these last few days but if I‘d said anything, he wouldn’t have listened. Now that he’s collapsed and is getting what he needs, his body is finally rebelling.

“Jacoby, it’s okay,” mom said, taking me into her arms as we walked toward the parking lot. I climbed into the driver’s seat of my truck while everyone else got settled. “We’ve had plenty of time with her and she won’t have any fun in the airport anyway. With security as it is, you’ll just be sort of flying us by anyway. She’ll get a few quick hugs and then it’s right back in the truck. She’s only three, honey, and that’s no fun for her. She’d rather be with Jimmy because he’s not been as attentive of late, and she misses her daddy.”

I can never argue with my mother’s logic…why is that? I realize she’s raised her kids, but how does she know this stuff? With a sigh, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the street toward the airport. It was nearing Halloween now and stores and homes were decked out for the spooky holiday. I realized a bit belatedly that we didn’t have Eliza’s costume yet.

The drive to the airport was comfortably quiet; mostly looking at scenery in Omaha. The changing leaves are spectacular this year and I loved listening to Eliza ooh and ahh over them. She loves to be outside and picking up the falling leaves has been a hobby since she could sit up. Maybe when Jimmy gets out of the hospital, we can go for a drive to see the changing leaves. Once at the airport, I managed to get a decent parking spot and helped carry bags into the terminal.

“Keep us updated, okay?” Mom asked and I nodded, hugging her tight. “Call if you need anything, okay?”

“I will,” I said, as Jimmy's folks said goodbye to his sisters. I hugged them both and thanked them for coming out, then watched as mom, Kelly, and Katie walked through security. I turned to Barb and Joe and sighed, indicating the doors. “I guess we’d better get back. Eliza hates it when I’m mad at Jimmy.”

That earned me a somewhat concerned glance from my father-in-law. “How often are you mad at him?”

“That depends on many factors. After Liza turned two, it seemed I was mad at him on a daily basis. He just…I can’t describe it, but he kind of went into a bit of a depression. We did all the usual methods of trying to get him better and bring him up, but nothing worked. Then, about two months later, he snapped out of it and was fine. But he wasn’t very pleasant to be around for a few months.”

“How often does he have bad periods of depression?” Barb asked, as we started back for Creighton. I was at that point that I kind of just wanted to go home, but I couldn’t leave Eliza there all night.

“He seems to go in fits and spurts. When we first had Eliza he was on cloud nine. Then, after her second birthday, he crashed. He came out of that and now he’s back in, though this time it’s understandable. Anymore, there doesn’t seem to be a pattern, it just kind of happens. It’s like his memory loss: it’s better now than it used to be, but there will be days when he’s confused and can’t remember what he had for breakfast that morning.”

“Have the doctors figured out why that is?” his dad asked, as I came to a red light. While the truck idled, I shook my head. “I assume it’s just the drugs?”

“That’s the entire problem, actually. The drugs literally fried his brain. You always used to see those commercials about not doing drugs with the egg in the frying pan, but for Jimmy, that’s reality. It really scares Eliza when he has those days and Dr. Mathias warned us he’s at risk for early on-set dementia, as well.”

“How early?”

I shrugged, finally pulling into Creighton’s back lot. “There’s no way to know. Right now, he’s fine, and the occasional memory problems can be attributed to the drug use and the brain damage from that. Otherwise, we just have to wait things out.”

I knew this would upset Jimmy's parents, but felt it had to be revealed. We’d only found out in the last couple of years ourselves, but Jimmy was dealing with it fairly well. We just had to watch things over the years and if we noticed something out of the ordinary, alert the doctor.

“I didn’t mean to bring the mood down,” I apologized, as we navigated the downstairs area of the hospital. Even though I’ve worked here over 10 years now, I can still get turned around down here.

“It’s not your fault. We’re just glad you keep us informed,” Joe said, squeezing my shoulder. He pressed the button for the elevator, and I nodded. “Let’s hope Jimmy is doing better when we get upstairs.”

I knew it was as hard for them as I to see him so weak. After all, if you’ve ever seen him in the field, you’d know what he’s capable of. I’ve seen him carry patients to stretchers that were easily twice his size and not even flinch. Seeing him as he is now, where he needs someone to help him walk is distressing, to say the least.

“Hey guys,” he said, quietly, once we’d returned to his room. He pointed to his right and I had to smile: Eliza was sound asleep in his arms. “She fell asleep about half an hour ago, so I’m going to let her sleep. Jacoby, can you help me into the chair?”

I nodded, as Jimmy's mom carefully moved Eliza so Jimmy could get out of bed. Once he was on his feet, Barb laid Liza back into the bed, covering her up. Rather than sit down, Jimmy moved his IV pole forward and indicated he needed the bathroom. I feel like he’s getting a little stronger, at least, since I don’t seem to be holding him up as much on this short walk.

“Feel up to a walk in the hall?” I asked, and he nodded, as we closed the bathroom door behind us. I won’t leave him alone in here for fear he’ll fall. I know that in another couple of days, he’ll be doing better, but we need to get more food into him first. “That will help as much as anything getting your strength back. Why don’t you sit in the chair and I’ll get you some pants.”

Once I had Jimmy secure in the bedside chair, I made my way to the clean room and grabbed some pajama pants. They weren’t much more comfortable than the gowns, but they covered more. I looked over the available sizes and then grabbed a small. The pants are white with little blue flowers all over them, but they’ll do; I figure if they’re too short, oh well.

“Here you go,” I said, and he slipped them on, then indicated he was ready to go. He was wearing standard issue green slipper socks, and Barb said she’d stay with Eliza. I helped him stand and his dad said he’d walk with us for a bit. “Ready?”

“Let’s go; I want to get home sooner,” he said, standing. I unplugged the IV stand and then took his hand, letting him bring the IV. We made it into the hallway and he chose to head for the lobby. I hope he’s not tired already.

We walked around the lobby area, pausing to look out the window. The trees looked even prettier from up here on the fourth floor, and I knew Jimmy wanted to be out there. I don’t want to say anything, though, because he seems willing to do what needs doing to get discharged.

“I’m sorry about the last few weeks,” he murmured, and I glanced at him, noting that his dad had disappeared. “I mean, the not eating and stuff. But I couldn’t, because I kept getting sick. But now that they’re easing me into food, I’m doing better. I will try to be a better husband and father from now on.”

I held him close to me, kissing his neck as we looked out the window. I don’t know why I get so worked up, but I do. I apologized for getting onto him about things and we stood quietly for a while. I think he’s getting a lot stronger, considering that his knees aren’t buckling or anything. In fact, we stood there for half an hour before he complained he was cold and wanted to go back to bed to warm up.

“Are you feeling better, daddy?” Eliza asked, her voice rough with sleep. It was clear she’d just woken up, and Jimmy smiled, sliding into bed and snuggling under the covers with her.

“I am, honey. Hopefully I’ll be home soon, okay?”

Eliza nodded, and I picked her up, after kissing Jimmy goodbye. His folks took a moment with him before we left as well, and then we made our way home.

***

“When is daddy coming home?” Eliza asked as I tucked her into bed a couple of days later. I’d returned to work on Monday, and am working a three day stretch. Eliza is enjoying her time with her grandparents, though I miss her terribly while I’m gone. I spend my breaks either with Jimmy or on the NICU, trying to keep tabs on my family. Jimmy was doing much better and could come home in the next couple of days, though Priscilla continues to change from day to day. “Is he getting better?”

“Yeah, he is, honey. He might come home in a couple of days, the doctor thought. He’s even put some weight back on, which is good.”

She nodded, snuggling down into her blankets; we’d had a cold snap recently, and for some reason, her windows were leaking air. We’d put plastic over them, but her room was still cold. I kissed her forehead and moved quietly from the room, heading downstairs, yawning and stretching.

“Did she go down okay?” Joe asked, handing me a beer. We don’t normally keep alcohol in the house, but since we had company, we had a little around.

I nodded, as I settled into my recliner. I was exhausted and still had one more 12 hour shift to go. I know it’s just from being off, but still, all of this stress is wearing me out. Jimmy's mom looked over at me from the newspaper and smiled.

“It will get better,” she promised, and I tried to see the brighter side of things. I looked out into the dark, thinking how much we had yet to do for Halloween, how we were going to pay for all the bills, my thoughts were anything but positive. “You may not believe me, but it will get better. Once Jimmy gets home, things will get back to normal. When does he return to work?”

I shrugged, finishing my beer in two quick gulps. “I don’t know. He’s off six weeks for sure, with the surgery and all. At six weeks, the doctor will decide if he can go back on light duty or full or if he needs to be off longer. He’s covered money-wise, as he’s been saving up for this, but still. He’s off for quite a while yet.”

“We’re here as long you want us or need us,” Joe reminded me and I thanked them. “We’re retired these days, so we can stay as long as necessary. When you want us to go home, you say so, okay? But I know that when Jimmy gets home, you’re going to need the help, and he won’t want to be home alone with Eliza right away.”

“I agree with that,” I said around a yawn. It was 10, and I flipped on the news out of habit. I always wanted to know what kind of weather I was going to drive to work in. Being the last week of October, it could be anything. “I hope the snow holds off until December or January this year. Last year’s Halloween blizzard was enough for me.”

“What is Eliza going to be for Halloween this year?” Barb asked, putting her paper aside and standing to stretch.

“She wants to be a doctor this year. I’m going to take her to a costume shop on Thursday after school to get her costume. We’ve got some of the stuff here, but we need to get little scrubs and a lab coat in her size. A friend of Jimmy's runs a shop and ordered her an outfit special, so now we need to see if it fits.”

What I didn’t mention was that if it wasn’t for the ‘family discount’ from said friend, we’d be cobbling together a homemade costume. Money was tight with Jimmy off, even if he is getting PTO, and now we’re going to juggle thousands of dollars in medical bills. NICU care isn’t cheap and neither is ICU, emergency surgery or anything else Jimmy had done recently. I know that taking him to the hospital was the right move, but financially, this was suicide.

“Looks like the weather remains nice through Halloween,” Joe remarked and I looked at the screen, nodding. I must really be tired if I’ve spaced off the weather. “You need to head to bed.”

“I’m not going to argue. Good night guys, and thanks again for everything,” I said, as I moved up the stairs.

“Not a problem. Have a good sleep and a good day at work. We’ll bring Eliza to see Priscilla tomorrow,” Barb said, and I nodded, finally moving into my room.

I made sure my alarm was set, closing the door behind me and then went into the bathroom and washed my face. I was trying to relieve some of my stress, but it wasn’t working. We are going to be in so much dutch financially when we’re done with all these hospital stays. So much fucking dutch.

Deep breath Coby, you've had this stress before, when Jimmy had his major breakdown and was in the hospital. You can get through it, and without screaming divorce every 5 minutes too!

I felt bad for the guys during this stretch...they're strong, but there's so much stress going on right now, I think it's only a matter of time before someone cracks.

In other news: my feet are KILLING me!

***

10

I quietly slipped my hand into Priscilla’s isolet and stroked her right arm. She’d taken a turn in the last day and her survival was less sure. Her heart is getting worse and our options are getting fewer. There’s no precedent for doing surgery on such a tiny baby, but the doctor feels if they can bind the defect in her heart, she’ll have a much better chance at survival. Jacoby is going to come up during rounds today and we’re going to decide what to do. There’s always risk with surgery; she could die before, during, or after. But if it will save her life and allow her to lead a normal life, I’m all for it.

“Hey.”

I looked up at Jacoby, who took a seat beside me. The doctor was right behind him and came to us first. Jacoby needed to get back downstairs soon, as it’d been a busy day. I was looking at discharge tomorrow, and couldn’t wait to get back home.

“What’s the verdict?” I asked Dr. Peterson. I didn’t want to dance around things; Jacoby and I can handle the truth just fine.

“Her latest echo shows that the condition has stayed the same, but I don’t like how the heart is working. Blood is going where it shouldn’t, and the chambers aren’t beating like they should. I recommend surgery soon to band the defect for now. Hopefully, that will be what she needs.”

I looked at Jacoby, who nodded, and I nodded as well.

“I think we should try. I want to do what we can for her,” Jacoby said, and I agreed. “I know it’s risky, but if it saves her life and helps her live a normal life then I want to say we tried.”

“I will get everything ready for her, then, and we’ll plan on surgery tomorrow morning. She’s doing better, though. She’s eating more, her diapers are normal for her size and age, and there’s no bleeding in the brain right now. I feel that once we get the heart defect taken care of, she should have a good prognosis. It won’t be an easy recovery for her, however. Preemies are prone to infection because they have compromised immune systems, among other problems.”

“I know there’s always risk, but if it helps her, I’m all for it,” I said, holding tight to Jacoby’s hand. The doctor agreed and said he’d bring us the papers that needed signing. I looked over at my husband and sighed. “Are we doing the right thing for her?”

He nodded, reaching in and stroking her head. “We are. I have a feeling she’s meant to be something, you know? Might just be an annoying little sister to start with, but I think she’s here for a reason. There’s got to be a reason she survived.”

“I do sometimes wonder about that. But then I wonder why Penelope had to go. I mean, I know she was a hidden twin and much smaller, etc., but why did she go? Maybe she just didn’t have the strength for this world.”

“It’s possible,” he agreed, as a nurse came over to check on her. She smiled at us, and then opened the isolet, which surprised me. So far, anything that needed doing has been done through the openings in the side.

“Would you like to hold her?” she asked, and I nodded, feeling tears fill my eyes. This is an emotional moment, okay? She handed us yellow gowns and Jacoby helped me get it on. I didn’t have the IV pole today and that made my life a lot easier. “Let me just get her situated, and then Jimmy can hold her first.”

A few seconds later, Priscilla was in my arms. Apparently, the nurse had planned for this, because she had a camera out and was snapping pictures of us like crazy. It’s too bad our camera is at home, but I know we’ll get copies of the pictures. I couldn’t believe I was holding my daughter, who weighed just two pounds even now. She was three weeks old and she stole my heart from the first glance.

“Wow,” I breathed, holding my emotions in check so I didn’t upset her. I looked over at Jacoby, who nodded. With the help of her nurse, we transferred Priscilla to my husband, who was just as emotional as I was.

We only had about five minutes with her, but it was enough. The nurse settled her into her isolet and we both stood; I was cold and I’m sure the staff were going to be coming after me soon. It was getting toward snack time, and Jacoby needed to get back to the ER.

“I’ll come up before I go home tonight,” he promised, walking me to my room. He embraced me and kissed me. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He walked out after one more hug and I sank down onto the very uncomfortable bed. I don’t get why hospital mattresses must be like rocks, you know? If people are going to be spending a lot of time in them, make them comfortable! The one I had in ICU wasn’t so bad, but this one just plain sucks.

“Can I get you anything, Jimmy?” a voice asked and I looked up to see my tech for the day. She was one of those overly perky ones, too.

“Uhm…can I get some chocolate ice cream?”

“Sure thing!”

I swear she bounces down the hall. I sighed as I grabbed a blanket and wrapped myself in it, sitting down in the chair at the bedside. I had some word searches, some books, and my laptop, but nothing was appealing to me. I really just wanted to go home and be with my family. With a glance at the clock, I knew that Eliza’s school day was ending and I wondered if mom and dad would bring her in tonight or not. I’d texted them with my pending discharge tomorrow, so they might chose to wait.

“There ya go,” she said, smiling. I thanked her, as I opened the ice cream and then set it aside to thaw a bit. “I’ll refill your water, too.”

I watched her bounce out the door again and laughed quietly to myself as I opened my laptop. I had email from my sisters and some friends and read through each. Most wondered what Eliza was for Halloween and I had one from Katie already asking for a Christmas shopping list. She’s a little too organized for my taste sometimes.

“There you go! I’ll bring supper around later!”

“Thanks,” I said, as my tech once again went bouncing out of the room. I wonder if she has springs in her shoes or something.

While I ate my ice cream, I dealt with emails, and then decided I was still bored. I stood and stretched, just as my nurse returned to hook up another bag of saline. I really don’t even need the IV, but the doctor is keeping me on fluids until I go home, I guess.

“Can I wander down to ER?” I asked. I needed to be around people I could visit with. I was still on a heart monitor, because some of the meds they gave me could mess with my rate and rhythm. Apparently, some of my blood work wasn’t so great, so they had to correct that as well. “I’m bored out of my mind.”

The nurse, however, shook her head and I frowned. “No. I have orders to allow you upstairs, because once you’re in the NICU, your telemetry signal comes back. However, we aren’t wired the same as downstairs, so your telemetry signal won’t be transmitted up here.”

“Are you serious? Trust me I work in the ER! I bring telemetry patients up all the damn time and we can track them all the way,” I argued, not in the mood to be stuck up here on this floor the rest of the day. “Besides, I’m probably going home tomorrow; why is this is a big deal?”

“Jimmy, calm down,” she suggested gently. I took a deep breath, because I didn’t need an episode right before I went home. “If something happens while you’re down there, it’s my butt in the sling for letting you go. I don’t know why we can get your signal upstairs in the NICU and not in the ER, but when patients head down for x-ray and such, we lose their signals until they get back. I don’t want to take any risks, okay? I know you’re bored, hon, but I can’t let you go downstairs in case something would happen. I know your co-workers would take good care of you, but it’d still be my job on the line.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I said, nodding. I don’t want her to get fired if something would happen. “I’ll just find something to do.”

I returned to my room, wondering if another trip upstairs to see Priscilla might be in order. I know I shouldn’t spend all my time up there, because she needs her rest as well, but I’m so bored. I settled myself into bed, pondering what else I could do to pass the time. I hate being in the hospital, and it hasn’t gotten any better since the first time 14 years ago.

Finally, I heaved a sigh and logged onto Jacoby’s Netflix account; at least a movie should help pass the time. I scrolled through the options and finally decided watch a comedy. It’s an old one, but it’s one that Jacoby and I both love, and if we want a laid back movie night, we’re likely to put this on. It will be kind of interesting watching it on the internet rather than our worn out VHS copy.

I was probably halfway through the movie when supper arrived. I am eating again, but first off, it’s hospital food, okay? Now, Creighton has some of the better hospital food around, I’ll give them that. Secondly, they keep only offering me light menus. That means I can’t have, say, a cheeseburger or pizza. I can only have things that are baked or grilled, pretty much, because according to the doctor, I’ll have a sensitive stomach.

The first day he was right, I did have a sensitive stomach. But since then, I’ve been fine. I really, desperately want a damn cheeseburger, not another grilled chicken breast or a baked pork chop. I can get those things at home, you know? When I filled out my menu yesterday, I put a note on there that I’d like a cheeseburger with extra mayo, ketchup, onion, and lettuce. We’ll see if I get that or not. The pizza I ordered for dinner failed to arrive, so maybe the supper cook is a little more sympathetic.

“Here ya go!” Perky said (I think her name is actually Amy or something), setting the plain beige tray on my bedside table. She removed the maroon covered lid to reveal yet another grilled chicken breast. At least I got mayonnaise packets with it, I guess. “Let me know if you need anything!”

“Thanks,” I said, waiting until she’d left. I took my phone out and sent a desperate text to Jacoby, who would be getting off work soon and asked for a meal from Wendy’s, which was nearby. There was no way I was going to choke down another plain chicken breast, even if it was drenched in mayo. “Ugh!”

I looked at the packets and realized that, once again, I’d gotten fat free mayo. What’s the point? I’d been getting that sent up on the last few trays as well and the techs were always kind enough to go get me the real thing. That hadn’t bothered my stomach, so I think I’m good.

I’ll be back soon with your food. Jacoby responded and I grinned. Real food at last!

I pushed my tray aside and saved the dessert back for later. It might be just a piece of fake angel food cake with strawberries, but it wasn’t so bad. Though I have to confess I can’t wait to get home and have Jacoby make me a real angel food cake, from scratch. I realize now that I’ve been kind of selfish, though I know it was expected, but I still feel bad. I guess my body had a choice: deal with the death of my daughter by having more breakdowns or stop eating. Given the choice, I suppose not eating was the less bad option, though it still wasn’t a great one.

My tech returned to see how supper was coming and I told her I wasn’t hungry and was done. She frowned, the first time I’ve seen her do anything but smile, but took the tray anyway. I hope this stunt doesn’t prolong my stay here, now that I think about it. I also hope she didn’t hear the hungry rumble my stomach emitted as she was walking out the door.

“I don’t know, said he wasn’t hungry. He ate the cake, though,” she was telling my nurse and I swallowed hard, hoping I wasn’t in trouble here. Jacoby would be back soon, and I could finally have real food. “What should I do?”

“Save it back until Theresa comes for the trays. If he’s hungry by then, he can have it; otherwise, we’ll send it back. I’ll go talk to him.”

Just my luck, Jacoby came darting in at the same time as my nurse. He handed me the bag and the cup full of pop and I grinned, kissing him gratefully. Just as he came around to sit beside me, I glanced up. My nurse is not happy.

“Is this why you weren’t hungry?” my nurse asked, and I nodded, unwrapping a bacon-loaded, double cheeseburger with extra mayo, doused in ketchup. She shook her head, the smallest hint of a smile appearing on her face. “Well…I can’t do much about it. But if you get sick tonight…”

“I know, I know,” I said, grinning at her. I took my first bite and my God was it good! Jacoby laughed as the nurse walked out, shaking her head. “What? I was getting tired of grilled chicken!”

So busted, but I hope it doesn't make him sick, if it's what he wants.

*is worried about Priscilla's surgery*

Surgery on such a small child is cause for much worry =(. But at least Jimmy got some yummy food, even if he didn't like the outcome so much, lol!

***

11

Uhm, so, it was kind of a long night for Jimmy. He was fine until about midnight and all at once, he was in the bathroom. I won’t get graphic, just so you know, but let’s say Wendy’s was not a great choice for his stomach. I know he was glad to get something other than hospital food (I stayed with him, since I hadn’t stayed much and we needed to talk), but it might have been too soon. Lucky for him, the hospital has many remedies for upset stomachs and he was soon feeling better.

Either way, he got a stern lecture from his doctor this morning. He’s still allowed to go home, but only if he follows a strict diet as outlined by one of the dietitians on staff. Jimmy agreed, though I think it’s mostly because of the horrible night he had. Apparently, even if you’ve been eating for a week, greasy food isn’t a wise decision.

Now, we’re walking into the house, much to the delight of our daughter. She’s off school since it’s a Saturday, and delighted to have her daddy home. She ran for Jimmy who scooped her up, blowing raspberries on her tummy. He paid no mind, apparently, to the fact that she was half naked. Then, he looked at her and started laughing.

“Where are your pants young lady?”

“In the bafroom,” she informed him, and he laughed, carrying her upstairs. Sure enough, her Dora underwear and plain blue jeans were heaped on the floor, as Barb cleaned up the training potty she still sits on. “I heard you come home and I needed a daddy hug.”

“Well, shall we get redressed?” Jimmy suggested and Eliza didn’t protest. She quickly got into her clothes, then raised her arms. “More up-a-day?”

“Uh huh!” she insisted and Jimmy picked her up. I just shook my head, returning downstairs to deal with the belongings Jimmy brought home from the hospital. Why they send half this shit home I’ll never know. I put the water jug in with the others we collected over the years and wondered if we could do a pictorial review of Creighton patient water jugs over the last 10+ years.

“What did the doctor say?” Joe asked, as I placed Jimmy's diet on the fridge. They’d stayed home with Eliza since I was already at the hospital with him.

“Well, he got quite a talking-to about last night,” I said, and explained what had happened. “After that, he was instructed to follow a quite strict diet, which is what’s on this paper. It outlines how to advance his diet back to a regular one over a period of a few weeks. I told him we’d find ways to make it taste less bland than the hospital did.”

“I think we can manage that,” his dad agreed, looking over the proposed meals. Thankfully, they were just examples and we could pretty much run with it. “I take it fast food is out?”

“Not all together. He can get a grilled chicken sandwich or something. Just nothing overly fatty and greasy. You know, like a burger and fries, that sort of thing.”

“Gotcha. Well, we can certainly work in the confines of this; might be good for all of us to eat like this for a few days. When do you work again?”

“I work again Monday,” I said, as Barb came into the kitchen. I looked behind her, confused, and asked the whereabouts of my husband and daughter.

“They’re in her room. She wanted to play with daddy for a while. I have a feeling she’s going to be busy with him all night.”

“That will make him happy, though, he’s missed her greatly while he’s been in the hospital.”

“Save me!”

I laughed as Eliza came running through the kitchen, Jimmy hot on her heels. He scooped her up, tickling her, as he ran back upstairs with her. I loved hearing her squeal in happiness, something that had been lacking while Jimmy had been in the hospital. Thankfully, he was fully healed from his c-section and emergency hysterectomy, so I wasn’t worried about him doing any damage to himself. As long as everyone was happy, that’s all that counted to me.

***

The next couple of weeks at my house were uneventful. Jimmy followed his diet as instructed, even if it was hard to make the food not taste bland. We’d all promised to follow it with him, but I’m not going to lie: I can’t wait for my lunch break; I’m hitting the grill for a double cheese burger slathered in sinfulness. Jimmy was adjusting well to being home, which was a relief; he was eating and while his moods were still a little up and down, for the most part, he seemed to be in a good mood most of the time.

Work was busy today, as people came in in droves, or so it seemed. There seemed to be some sort of respiratory flu going around in time for Halloween and the doctor’s offices were too full to handle the overflow. Therefore, we all got stuck wearing masks all day and disinfecting the ER in between groups of patients. Most were sent home with instructions to rest, use fluids and fever reducer and if needed get a nebulizer. We saw a few asthmatics, and I called home to warn Jimmy.

“Thanks. I’m already masking up to go out,” he assured me, and I was relieved. “I heard about it on the news, so thought I’d best be proactive, you know?”

“Good. We’ve seen a lot of sick people in here, so I’m going to shower in the basement when I get home,” I told him, as my pager went off. There was an accident and I needed to go. “Gotta go. I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.”

I hung up and shoved my phone in my pocket, mobilizing with my team. We ran for our rig, wondering what had caused this accident. The sun was shining and for October, the weather was quite warm. I’m willing to bet that someone ran a stop sign or something. I climbed into to the back of the rig and we headed out, heading to midtown.

Sure enough, someone blew a stop sign and on Dodge of all streets, too. I have to hand it to my team, though, we were a good match today. We worked efficiently with the other Creighton team and a team from UNMC and got all of the injured victims cared for and transported in good time. I radioed back that we were on our way and started tending to the young lady on the stretcher in front of me. She’d been a passenger in the car that blew the stop sign, and looked to have no more than a broken leg. That was fixable, and would heal; at least she was alive.

“Where’s my sister?” she asked, as I gave her a little pain medication on instruction of ER. She was very upset, which was understandable.

“She’s on her way to Creighton as well. I don’t know much more than that,” I answered truthfully. “But as soon as I hear something, I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Okay.”

She was quiet after that, as we arrived at the ER. I reported off as my partner and I helped get her settled into a bay. There were already worried family members gathering in the lobby, and I knew it was going to be a long wait for them.

“Good job out there,” Anthony said, as we went to change. There had been a lot of blood on the scene, and there was no way we could keep working in these uniforms. “I think everyone is going to be okay.”

“I think so, too,” I said, heading into the locker room. I changed as quick as I could, thinking about the next day. It was Halloween, which meant a lot of candy and commotion in our house. Jimmy was back to normal, just about, and his special diet was almost over.

“Earth to Jacoby!”

I jumped a bit, then turned to Anthony in askance.

“You define the term space cadet right now. What’s on your mind? Isn’t Jimmy doing better? Isn’t Priscilla doing okay from her surgery?”

“Yeah, she’s doing real well, actually. The surgery was a success, and she’s growing now. She’s still got a while to go before she’s home, of course, but she’s gained two ounces in the last week, which is huge for her. So things are looking up. Jimmy's appetite is pretty much back to normal now, which is refreshing. He’s still a little depressed, of course, but that’s understandable.”

“So what’s wrong?” he asked, as I finished tying my boots. I followed him out to the bay and sighed, shaking my head. “I’ll stop by after work, then, and we’ll talk. It’s been warmer at night, so we’ll have a quick beer and I’ll make my way back home.”

“It’ll take more than one beer, Tony. Just suffice to say I have some worries, but they’ll work out; they always do.”

Anthony didn’t look any more convinced than I felt, but gave me a reassuring smile anyway. The thing is, with Jimmy still off work, and mounting medical bills we’re barely keeping our heads above water. Thankfully, we got the house for cheap, even if we took out a loan for more than the house. The good news is that, if we can keep up the payments, we’ll have it paid off in another year or two. We made some extra payments in the beginning (even though I hate thinking where Jimmy got that money), and that helped cut down the time on the loan.

But things are still tight and I’m afraid of the coming months. We’ve got the pay for so much right now, and I don’t want to think what’s going to happen after insurance with the twins. I heaved a sigh, settling my face into my hands, propping my elbows on the nurse’s station. Anthony glanced over, but I shook my head, indicating that now was not the time. We’d talk later, because Tony won’t let anything go.

***

When I got home that night, I was glad to grab a quick shower. Someone had brought pajama pants and a t-shirt downstairs for me, and I hurried through my shower. I don’t want Jimmy getting sick, considering how sensitive his lungs are this time of year. When I returned upstairs, I spotted Jimmy and his mom sitting at the table, and I was almost certain they were going over bills. I forgot about being hungry for supper, which smelled amazing, and asked Jimmy to join me in my office.

“What?” he asked, looking confused. I was pacing, trying to decide how to approach what I wanted to tell him. “Jacoby, what’s going on? Mom and I were busy!”

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” I exploded, my hands flailing in the air. Jimmy jumped back, clearly startled. “Our finances private, James! You have no right to be showing everything to your family!”

“They want to fucking help, Jacoby!” he shouted back, balling his fists. “We’re going to drown in debt here pretty soon, and I’m not going to turn down a little assistance!”

“What the fuck gives you the right to go blabbing to your parents? Huh!? I thought we were going to work out our financial problems like adults. We’re not in college anymore, Jimmy, we don’t run to our parents when we’re broke!”

“I never had parents to run to in college!” he reminded me, and I’d admit I might’ve used a low blow there. “And besides that, I’m not cleared to work yet, Jacoby! I only have so much saved up, since I was supposed to have more time and I only have so much PTO! How the fuck are we going to survive if I’m off more than six weeks? Got an answer for that? I think if my parents are willing to help, we should Fucking let them!”

“I’m not fucking going to air our financial problems to your parents, Jimmy! We’re adults and we can find a way to remedy this ourselves! At least consult with me before you go dumping our problems on everyone else!”

“You’re acting like a fucking child, Jacoby! We’ve got thousands of dollars in hospital bills, you moron! Did you think about that? Truck payments, a house payment, our truck insurance is higher than hell, our house insurance, credit cards, we’re going to need propane soon, need I go on? How the hell are we going to dig out of this without some help? You’re also jumping to conclusions, once again, I might add! Mom and dad aren’t throwing money at us, they’re helping re-work the damn budget!”

I flinched at the sound of his voice, barely noticing the door to my office opening.

“Well you still could’ve consulted me, Jimmy! I don’t want our private affairs aired out in public!”

“Guys?”

We turned as one to see Joe standing in the doorway, Barb right behind him with Eliza in her arms. She was trying to get our daughter to stop crying and I’m sure Jimmy felt as bad as I did. We tried not to yell at each other around her, but sometimes, it was in evitable.

“Why don’t you take her downstairs?” Joe suggested and Barb nodded, while we managed to look chagrined to say the least. “Now, why don’t we sit down and try not to scream at each other? Supper is in the crockpot, so it will wait until we’re done talking.”

Jimmy and I seated ourselves in a couple of the swivel chairs I kept in the office, propping our feet on the ottomans that went with them. Joe sat at the desk, after closing the door and then faced us and I had a sense of déjà vu. How is it that every time we have a problem, Joe is here to talk us through it? I feel like he’s a negotiator instead of my father-in-law. With a sigh, I waited for the interrogation to start, and hoped I hadn’t hurt any feelings.

Okay, so the junk was a bad idea, but I'm glad Jimmy is feeling/doing better and is back home.

Also very glad Priscilla's surgery went well, such a tiny person to have such a big operation.

I wish Coby coulda hung on and not flipped at Jimmy though, just ask what's going on next time, don't just flip out! Sheesh, these boys are gonna be the death of me!

I debated that fight...but I think the way the stress goes with them, Jacoby was bound to fly off for no reason...which is how he handles everything. But thank god for Joe, the peace negotiator in that family, lol!

Yeah, it sure does seem to be the way. Hot headed Jacoby and highly strung Jimmy. How did these two ever get together?

I was actually trying to write their story, but it refuses to be told as yet. I think it was a case of Jacoby picked Jimmy up, half dead in an alley, and fell in love while Jimmy recovered in the hospital. How they haven't killed each other yet is beyond me, lol!

that's what I don't get, with their personalities they should have murdered each other within weeks, never mind be about 15 years down the line!

I know! And they got married so damn young! *consults notes* Jimmy was 18 and Jacoby was 23 when they got married. 1. What the hell were they thinking?!? and 2. How have they lasted? Considering Jimmy had four stints in rehab (the last time Jacoby threatened him), all of Jimmy's mental illnesses, and the stress of trying to find Jimmy's family. I think it's astounding that they've lasted this long!

*runs in, waving the chapter about madly* Twas another busy day! We went wedding/bridesmaid's dress shopping today for a friend's wedding. We are 99.99% sure we found her wedding dress (and it's on sale for half off!), but still searching for our dresses =).

***

12

“Now, what’s the problem?” dad asked, folding his hands in his lap. He’s in the ‘lecture pose’ that I remember so well from my childhood and more recently, a few years ago when Jacoby and I had some, ahem, fidelity problems.

“Jacoby freaked out because mom was helping me re-work the budget,” I explained and dad nodded, as I glanced at my husband. He did look at least a little embarrassed. “I was trying to explain what we were doing, but he didn’t want to hear it.”

I heard Jacoby sigh, and I wondered if he disagreed with my version of events.

“Look, our finances…I’m kind of, I don’t know, protective of them, okay? I just get weirded out knowing that people know what kind of trouble we’re in,” he explained, and I shook my head. Just because he doesn’t know how many times I sat around Eleanor and Hank’s kitchen table and re-worked the budget. “Jimmy has always done the budget on his own, and I’m not sure why he’s running for help now.”

Oh, Jacoby, if only you knew, love. If only you knew that I was never able to do the budget on my own, without help. I wish that had been the case over the years, I really do. The only reason I asked mom this time is because she’s here; otherwise, I’d have walked up to Hank and asked for help.

“Well, when things are going to be as tight as they could get soon, it only makes sense. Trust me, Barb is an expert accountant and has kept us afloat in some tough times over the years. She will make an easy to follow budget and it will all be kept in the strictest confidence.”

I notice now that Jacoby looks more embarrassed than before. I think he needs to realize how quickly he jumps to conclusions in these situations. Yes, things are going to be tight and not a lot of fun for a while, but he needs to calm down.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and I nodded, standing. I consider the matter closed, and I’m hungry. “Should we go eat?”

I lead everyone from Jacoby’s office, hoping tempers would stay settled for the night. Stress in this house is a monster and it’s one I don’t want around; Eliza doesn’t need to see her parents always fighting. That and with mom and dad here indefinitely, there’s really no reason to fight. They always pitch in and help wherever they can, whether it’s cleaning house or buying groceries and it’s always appreciated.

“Let’s keep our tempers down tonight, okay?” I whispered to Jacoby and he nodded, as we sat down at the table. Mom brought a bowl of corn to the table, and dad dished up the chili. I noticed Eliza giving us wary glances, and saw that she had dried tear stains on her cheeks. “Are you hungry, baby girl?”

“Uh huh. Are you and daddy mad at each other?” she asked, as dad put a small bowl of chili near my plate for her.

“No, we’re not mad at each other,” I assured her, asking if she wanted cheese and sour cream. She nodded, and I doctored her bowl accordingly. It would need to cool a bit, but she could eat it soon. “Do you want corn?”

She nodded again, and I placed a small serving on her plate, as mom gave her a sippy cup with milk. We usually encourage the use a regular cup, but we’ll make an exception tonight. Once her plate was full, I told her to start eating, as I accepted the bowl of corn and then the potatoes. The tension from earlier seemed to have dissipated, at least for now. But I have a feeling we’re not done talking about this.

***

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I just don’t like other people knowing about our finances,” Jacoby explained later as we got ready for bed. I just shook my head, as I finished brushing my teeth. The chili is setting, and I’m kind of surprised. Dad probably found a way to make it that fit my new diet. “I know you’re cool with it and since you’re the one who does the most with the budget, I won’t say anything further.”

“Look, you have a terrible habit of jumping to conclusions about things like this. Mom offered to help, because, as dad said, she’s great with money. Honestly, in the past, it’s all been Hank and Eleanor’s doing that got us through. I only went to mom because she offered this time around. Now, I’m going to bed.”

Jacoby shook his head, wishing me good night as he left the room. I knew he’d be up for a while longer, since he’s kind of a night owl. He’d requested tomorrow off, since it’s Halloween, so he was probably going to stay up and put the finishing touches on Eliza’s costume. She looks very cute in her tiny scrubs and a tiny lab coat, though my stethoscope looks a little strange on her, because it’s almost as big as she is.

I pulled the covers over my body, after applying a little lotion to my healed incision. It’s been itchy lately, and I’m not sure why. The doctor thought it was just the dry air and a little lotion seems to be doing the trick. I always have horribly dry skin in the fall and winter anyway, so it’s not a big deal.

Ma and Pa were curled up at my feet, while Hamlet and Ophelia curled onto Jacoby’s pillow. But not even the warmth of cats could help me sleep. My mind would not turn off, no matter how many times I flipped the switch off. Our financial concerns were mounting, considering the cost of my first hospital stay, Penelope’s stay and cremation, Priscilla’s stay and her surgery, and my second stay. The ER certainly isn’t cheap and I’ve been there twice in the last month. We’ve also got four cats and a three year old and we’re not getting rid of anybody.

“Ma, Pa, Hamlet, Ophelia, any advice? I know mom will come up with a great budget for us, but outside of winning the lottery, I think we’re well and truly screwed,” I said, listening to the light, even breathing of the cats. Naturally, they could sleep anytime, anywhere. “You guys are a ton of help, you know that? I’m really worried though. I mean, Eliza’s going to have a good Halloween tomorrow, we’ve seen to that, but what about Christmas? At the rate we’re going, there won’t be much of a Christmas, if there’s one at all. I know that she’s just a kid, but how is she going to feel if Santa fails to come?”

My only response was Ophelia stretching in her sleep, causing me to shake my head. I knew that sleep would benefit me, but it’s hard to sleep not knowing our financial future. I’m thinking about that second job again, even though I detest the idea of working more hours every week. Sean has tried to get managers hours back to 40, but the hospital says no, our patient load is down, so managers are taking the hit first. I still make a good paycheck with the reduced hours, but not what I’m used to making at 40 hours a week. We’ve been assured the cut is temporary, but how temporary? The economy is good again, or at least better than it was when Eliza was born, so that means that we can afford stuff again. While that’s nice, a cut in hours still hurts, even though Jacoby is still getting his usual 36 per week and brings in a nice salary. Working at the same hospital for 15 years does have its perks, after all. I just fear that he’ll get his hours cut next and then what will we do?

I must’ve fallen asleep during my ramblings because the next thing I knew, Eliza was crawling into bed with me, her eyes heavy with sleep. I smiled at her, glancing at the clock; we had another hour before we had to get the house up and going. It was Halloween, but she had school first, since it’s a weekday. The preschool was having a party, so she was excited to wear her costume.

“Love you, daddy,” she whispered, falling back asleep, nestled in my arms.

“Love you, too,” I responded, closing my eyes, hoping to enjoy my last hour of sleep for the night.

***

By five o’clock, Eliza had already trick or treated with the neighbors on our gravel and we were heading into town. Mondamin may not have a lot of houses, but every house hands out candy and it’s just right for a toddler. Even Molly’s Bar hands out candy! Molly always dresses up and I can’t wait to see what she is this year. She’s in the process of retiring and she’s slowly handing the bar over to her son Matt. He’s the only person in her family willing to keep it going, she says. I’ve been down there a couple of times of late, and met her son; he seems like a nice guy.

“Daddy, are you ready?” Eliza asked, and I turned to see her coming down the stairs. I started snapping pictures right away, and she kind of shook her head. I love photography and Jacoby got me a super nice camera for my 30th birthday a couple of years ago.

“Now I am,” I told her, putting the camera down. She rubbed her eyes, no doubt from the shadows of flashes floating in front of them. “You look smashing!”

My daughter laughed, as she reached for my hand, so we could drive into town. Her pumpkin had been emptied once, mostly because we don’t get many kids out here, so Anthony, Hank, and Beatrice filled it up to the brim. She let go of my hand once we were outside and skipped to the truck and I couldn’t help but imagine next Halloween with Priscilla.

“Cheer up,” Jacoby advised, rubbing my back. No doubt, the sadness on my face was showing clearly. “Priscilla will be with us soon.”

I nodded, though it wouldn’t be soon enough for me. She’s getting a little stronger each day, but she has so much further to go. I shook my head of my sour thoughts and got in the passenger side, waiting for mom and dad to join us.

“Aren’t you coming?” I asked when they didn’t get in the truck. Mom shook her head, smiling.

“This is a family moment. We went along to the neighbors, but you guys need some time just as a family,” my dad explained, waving to Eliza as Jacoby got in to drive. “Bring plenty of pictures home, okay? Liza, bring grandpa plenty of candy!”

“I will!” she promised, and I waved to my parents as we backed out onto the gravel. I’m so glad they’re here, and I really hope they stay a while longer. “I’m glad grandma and grandpa are here.”

“Me, too, Liza,” I agreed and even Jacoby nodded. It’s not that he doesn’t like my parents; I think he just likes our house without the extra people in it. “I wonder who long they’ll stay. Priscilla won’t be home for several weeks yet, probably into December if we’re lucky. We’re doing better now, so I wonder how long they plan to stay.”

“I don’t know. I overheard your mom talking about heading back until Priscilla gets home, but she wasn’t sure we’d want the extra bodies around the house at that time. I didn’t let on that I’d heard, but I think they’re getting ready to head back soon.”

I nodded, because on the one hand, it will be nice to get our house back, but on the other, I’ll miss them. I get homesick sometimes now, since I lived out there for a short time. And honestly, having the help around the house has been a blessing. But it’s time for us to get back to normal as well, and if they decide to head back, that’s fine with me.

“Are we starting at the bar?” Eliza asked as Jacoby drove into Mondamin. “I hope Molly made caramel apples again this year!”

“I thought you didn’t like caramel apples.”

“Hers are yummy,” she answered with a shrug and I had to laugh. Finicky toddlers anyway. “Yay!”

We all got out of the car the bar, and I figured we’d do like we did last year: walk. The town isn’t that big and when Eliza gets tired, we go home. We have yet to make it the whole town, trust me. The night we do I think Jacoby and I are going to wear out faster than Eliza. I watched as my daughter happily made her way up to the door of the bar and knocked, the tradition on Halloween.

“Trick or treat!” she shouted, thrusting her orange pumpkin out in front of her.

“Well, Dr. Shaddix!” Molly exclaimed, kneeling down to Eliza’s level. I had to laugh: Molly was dressed as Hello Kitty and she had pulled it off well. “Can I get a checkup first?”

“Okay!”

Eliza dropped her pumpkin and quickly placed the stethoscope into her ears, then listened to Molly’s heart and lungs. She looked very serious as she pursed her lips and took the woman’s pulse, then gently tapped her elbows and knees. Finally, she draped the stethoscope around her neck and stepped back.

“You’re good!”

“All right! Hold out your bucket, dear.”

Eliza’s eyes lit up with happiness as she got a candy apple and a few other candy treats. Once she’d said thank you, Molly waved her on, making me promise to come down soon for a drink.

“I will,” I promised, giving her a hug. Sometimes, I think she’s the only reason I’ve been sober all these years.

She nodded, and sent me to catch up to my family. There aren’t many businesses down here, but the few that exist are happy to accept trick or treaters, and usually hand out a fair amount of candy. Eliza was looking happily into her bucket and I resisted the urge to groan; it was nearly full again.

“I love Halloween,” she remarked, pulling out a candy bar.

Before Jacoby or I could stop her, she’d discarded the wrapper and consumed it in two bites. It’s going to be a long night in our house.

13

Eliza had a very good Halloween. Have you ever been around a three year old hopped up on sugar? Don’t ask me how she got so damn much candy, because Jimmy and I were watching her very closely all night. The kid is sneaky, I tell you, very sneaky! Okay, and I’m sure grandma and grandpa had something to do with this as well. Either way, she didn’t get to bed until after midnight, when we finally got some warm milk in her, followed by a warm bath.

Now, of course, she’s sleeping in. It’s nearly eight in the morning and she’s the only one not up. I keep wanting to wake her up, but Barb says let her sleep. She’ll wake up when she’s ready and considering how late she got to bed, she’ll require more sleep anyway. It’s hard not to rush in there and wake her up, however.

“Just have some breakfast,” Jimmy advised, setting a plate of pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs in front of me. “She’s fine, and she’s slept late before. We’ll get her back on track tonight, mostly because we’ve hidden her candy.”

“Where?”

Jimmy laughed, shaking his head. “It’s where we put it last year,” he said cryptically. I had to think about that and was about to ask him where when a little voice interrupted me.

“Daddies? I have a tummyache,” Eliza announced, and I turned to see her sitting on the stairs, holding her stomach and frowning. “I’m going to throw up.”

You’ve never seen two men spring into action so fast in your life. Jimmy grabbed a trashcan handily located near the stairs and stuck it under her mouth and I ran for a wet cloth to wipe her mouth with. Jimmy parents stood back and let us handle it, though his mother did get some clear pop out for her. It’s all the candy she ate yesterday and we warned her this might happen.

When we were sure she was done, I took her upstairs for a bath while Jimmy dealt with the trashcan. I have a feeling some young lady is spending the day in her pajamas. I scrubbed her down, then found some children’s pepto bismal and gave that to her. I know she hates it, but it’s going to help her feel better.

“How about we get into some clean pajamas?” I suggested and she nodded, shivering as she climbed out of the tub. I wrapped her in a towel and carried her to her room, letting her choose her favorite pajamas. There was no reason to get dressed, considering she wouldn’t be going to school. Once she was dressed, we went downstairs, and I heard Jimmy on the phone with her teacher. “Good. Daddy got you called in for school, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

She nodded, looking pale as she sat at the table. She’s truly Jimmy's kid in this respect. According to Joe, Jimmy would sneak candy all Halloween night and have the exact same kind of morning Eliza was having now. The one thing I worry about is her also developing Jimmy's addictive tendencies, but hopefully, we won’t have to worry about that for a few years.

“Daddy, do you have the can?”

I glanced at her green face and heard Jimmy running into the kitchen just in time. It’s going to be a very long day in this house, I fear. I hate having a sick child and I know Jimmy's thinking about the last time she was sick. Thankfully, we won’t be running to the ER to have babies today, just trying to keep a certain toddler out of the candy.

“Did you take her temp?” Jimmy asked, as he cleaned out the trashcan again. “She looks warm.”

I felt her forehead and sure enough, she was hot. She was leaning against me, her eyes heavy and Barb asked where the thermometer was.

“There’s a temporal one in our bathroom,” Jimmy told her, handing me back the trashcan. “It’s in the medicine cabinet.”

Barb made her way upstairs while Jimmy grabbed a cool cloth and some Motrin. I hate having a sick kid, and I had planned to on taking everyone to see Priscilla today. I guess I’ll have to settle for a phone call, since we can’t go in there and risk giving her whatever her sister has. It’s starting to look less like too much candy and more like stomach flu.

“Here,” Barb said, and handed me the thermometer, which I gently ran across Eliza’s forehead. “That’s handy.”

“It’s nice because she doesn’t have to sit still if she’s not in the mood,” I agreed, as the display beeped. With a sigh, I asked Jimmy to measure out the Motrin and apply the cloth; her temp was around 104. This kid runs a fever like a champ when she’s sick, another trait she got from Jimmy. “I just hope it’s a 24 hour bug and not the respiratory crap that’s going around.”

When she started coughing, though, I just sighed and shook my head. Just my damn luck and if she’s got it, Jimmy won’t be far behind. I looked up at my husband, who frowned, though he didn’t seem to have anything yet. I just hope I didn’t bring this home from work with me. I know it’s hard to keep it there, even if I go right to the basement and change, but I do try to keep my family healthy.

“How long are you off?” Jimmy asked, looking at the calendar.

“I work the weekend plus Monday,” I said, glad his parents would be here. I know that he’s healing fine from his emergency surgery, but he hasn’t been cleared yet to lift Eliza or return to work. “How long are you here, Barb?”

“We’ll stay until Jimmy is released back to work. Then I think we’ll head back, unless you want us to help when Priscilla comes home.”

“We’ll decide that when the time nears. We appreciate everything you do for us.”

I lifted Eliza’s sleeping form and carried her to the couch, replacing the cool rag when it fell from her head. She shifted a bit in her sleep, and I hoped she wasn’t too miserable. With a sigh, I ran a hand down my face, trying to determine what she had going on here. I’m fairly certain her stomachache is from the amount of candy she ate last night, but the fever and cough are definitely the respiratory flu going around.

“Should we call Dr. Maynard?” Jimmy asked, watching Eliza sleep. This kid is normally bouncing off the walls just about, so you know she’s sick when she’s still like this. “Or do we ride it out?”

“You’re a nurse, so I’m going to let this ride for about 24 hours and then we’ll decide. If it’s the respiratory crap going around, there’s nothing to be done about it anyway.”

“Sounds good. We know what we’re doing, at least, so we’ll just keep an eye on her. Kids tend to bounce back quickly anyway, so I bet she’ll get over this is a few days.”

I nodded, but for some reason, I wasn’t convinced. When she was two, we were sent to an allergy and asthma doctor, the same one who cares for Jimmy, and she was diagnosed with asthma. It’s mild and she just takes a nebulizer if she’s wheezing or seems to be having difficulty breathing, but it’s enough to worry me. In the summer, she’s on an allergy/asthma pill, because that’s when she really suffers.

“If her lungs are susceptible to this, what are mine going to do?” Jimmy asked, and I shrugged, standing from the couch. She need to rest and hovering over her wouldn’t help. “I guess I’ll just have to be careful. We better not visit Priscilla for a few days, I guess, or at least until Eliza’s fever breaks.”

“The problem is, she’s probably already exposed, you know? Eliza was probably already sick 24-48 hours ago, it just didn’t manifest until right now. I hope Priscilla doesn’t get this, too.”

Jimmy pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed the NICU to get an update. We don’t have to let them know if we’re coming in, but since we’re more or less regulars, it’s polite to let them know what’s going on.

“This is Jimmy Shaddix, father of Priscilla Shaddix in the NICU. I wondered if I could speak to her nurse?” He paused for a moment and then smiled. “Hi Clarissa, this is Jimmy. I’m good how are you? Good. I’m calling to see how Priscilla is. Eliza seems to have come down with a respiratory flu, so we won’t be in to visit for a while.”

I waited to see what was going on, noting that Jimmy didn’t sound too worried. Her surgery had been a smashing success, all things considered. We’d stewed for what felt like hours in the waiting room, but four hours later, she was back upstairs and doing fine. There are never any promises with preemies, but so far, she’s doing great.

“How is she?” I asked when he hung up. We’d returned to the table and his mother had fresh plates of food ready for us. I was hungry now, despite the events of the morning, and I started eating while Jimmy spoke.

“She’s doing fine. Her heart is in good shape this morning and she’s taking milk like a champ. They’re going to try weaning the ventilator, but said she might still need that little extra support. Otherwise, she’s in the green right now. They’re taking as many precautions as they can against this flu that’s going around, and have closed it off to visitors for the time being.”

“I don’t like that. Is the hospital overrun with patients?”

“Yeah, and the ER, too. I guess several schools are seeing students out sick in the double digits and so it’s a precaution they have to take. The staff all have to wear masks to work with the babies, just so they don’t accidently transfer germs acquired just by being out in public. So she should stay healthy, but there are, as usual, no promises.”

I nodded, happy that she was healthy. After losing her sister, I wasn’t in any hurry to lose her as well.

***

I’ll give you one guess how my weekend went. If you guessed it was busy at work, you’d be right. Creighton is one of two level one trauma centers in Omaha so what UNMC doesn’t take we do. In that respect, it was a busy weekend, because it’s always busy at Creighton. I spent Saturday, Sunday, and Monday mostly in the ambulance making runs all over Omaha for sick people, car accidents and anything else you can need an ambulance for.

When I got home on Friday night, Eliza still had a high fever and was coughing like crazy. Jimmy had upped her nebulizer treatments with the blessing of her asthma doctor, and it seemed to be helping a little. Sunday I came home, and her fever was still high and she was still coughing all the time. I listened to her lungs and confirmed Jimmy's thoughts: it wasn’t so much the flu and she was developing pneumonia.

Monday, I spent my shift going back and forth between my daughter’s room in the PICU and the ER. The NICU is still shut to visitors, so I couldn’t go see Priscilla, but received an update from her nurse today and she’s doing fine. Eliza is scared, which is understandable and Jimmy hadn’t left her side since she was admitted Sunday night.

Can I just catch a break? We’re already struggling to make ends meet; we just needed another ICU level hospital bill. I know it’s my daughter and I shouldn’t complain, but really. She’s on oxygen and strong antibiotics and when she’s well enough, she moves to the regular pediatric unit. I know this is what we need to do for her, because pneumonia is serious business, but this is just another bill. I’m starting to think we’re never going to get the damn house paid for, as we’d planned to do in another year. Until Jimmy went into the hospital to have the twins, we were paying an extra hundred dollars a month on our house payment.

I don’t honestly know how we’re going to survive the remainder of this year. I’m not trying to downplay my daughter’s illness, because it is serious. When a child is put in the PICU for pneumonia, this is serious business. But it’s just going to cost so much damn money, and I want to avoid the whole running to the parents for money thing. However, unless we take on more debt, that’s what we’re facing in the future.

“Coby, got another run,” Sean said, and I startled, looking over at my boss in confusion for a moment. “You know, a run? Go help people who aren’t feeling well? Like, now?”

I shook my head and then laughed, listening as we were given details of the run. It was pretty standard; elderly male in a nursing home with chest pain. He was a repeat around here, so I figure he’s just looking to get out of the home for a while. If nothing else, it will take my mind of things for a while. I needed that distraction and right now, I’d do anything to achieve it.

*pats poor Coby*

These two just can't catch a break, things were looking up and now Liza is in the hospital?! Sheesh. I really hope things improve for them soon.

This is the problem with stress: it starts to snowball and then it gets out of hand and bowls them over. I think things will improve, but it's going to take time.

I'm working on J/J's story right now...it's actually letting me write it today; tomorrow that would change! But I'm going ot take what time it will give me...and it keeps me from cleaning house, lol!

Writing instead of housework, sounds like a win to me.

I've got tomorrow and tuesday off work, going to *attempt* to re-start my fic, it's been a VERY long time though, and I think I'm going to have to re-read the whole thing first to remember what the hell I was writing about!

I got inspiration for one chapter and then it snowballed from there. Now, I'm doing that 'write a little, read a little, move chapters around like mad' thing. I finally had to note in the file titles which character's POV each chapter was in, just for my sanity! I'm working on a Jacoby chapter now and have to figure out how much older one o the main characters is...it's different in a couple of starter chapters, lol!

Lol, when I began this current fic I had a total OMG what the hell am I doing moment and had to go back through the first story in the series and make up a full timeline. Now everything that happens in this and subsequent stories is plotted against the timeline to make sure I know which characters are still alive etc.

That's my problem as well! When I did the first one, it was kind of on a whim and I didn't expect a sequel, let alone a series! So now, I have to make sure things make sense and are going according to flashbacks and such that we saw in the first two stories. I want to tell their story, but man!

The trials and tribulations of fanfic writing eh?